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Many a wily suck reader fired off
email in response to Dr. Dreidel's
Drunk on Futurism. TA Davis
<tadavis@directnet.com> writes:

I was interested to read today's
article on futurists as I am one
of the lucky few to have been
recently invited to the Year 2000
Conference and Expo. The
invitation is a flashy atypical
brochure expounding the virtues of
preperation and education
concerning the "Year 2000
Challenge".

While never touching the subject of
what the "Year 2000 Challenge"
actually is the doubletalk is
exquisite...

Among SPECIFIC TOPICS ADDRESSED

Brent Palmer
<NetCowboy@InternetMCI.com>
writes:

Just in case a lot of crackpots
have asked you about the
Netherlands being the world axis
mundi, I just want to mention for
the record that I am not terribly
loopy.

But why is it that we believe
(because I do too) that there will
be a world gov't run out of
Holland? I believe that. Is there
some insidious/ubiquitous prophecy
machine playing into our ears
Direct from the Cultural Clogging
Lounge?

Where does this idea come from that
Netherlands will rule? ... does
this belief have roots in
genuinely crackpot born-again
Christfanatics what with their
seventies stories of the 666
mainframe in the Netherlands?
Remember Hal Lindsay's horrible,
cheesy moustache? Does our
sentiment come from beneath that:
from his lips?

What are you guys thinking? Why
have I thought this? What is the
basis for this? CERN? Am I a
crackpot?

I think not. I'm running for
congress here in Kern County,
California....

Uhh... okay! Good luck! Hey - can
you give us directions to the
Cultural Clogging Lounge? That
place sounds cool.

Regarding St. Huck's take on smart
drugs, Uncle Bob
<Degerberg@aol.com> writes:

Great Column. Being in my eighth
decade you are talking to the
recipient of smart drugs from the
word go. My first was sulfur and
molasses in the spring. Milk of
Magnesia every Sunday night.
Buttermilk every winter. Argyrol
for colds (built Dr. Barnes Museum
and the artwork he picked showed
he was on smart drugs too). Cod
liver oil. Then came WW II and
Benzadrine and Geritol. Alcohol
carried me up to the present (and
I never inhaled). Don't be too
hard on old bald Mensa people for
I go to SUCK first thing after the
comics. Sometime I hope to meet
the clowns that write your
excellent column.

We clowns stick to a regular flow
of caffeine, the occasional
Hostess Snoball, and the weekly
pint o' bitter. But then, we ain't
so smart, so...

Of Ersatz's piece on typefaces, Tom
Dowe <TDowe@utxvms.cc.utexas.edu>
writes:

I understand that the June 18th
Suck was aimed retro typefaces,
but a serious charge was also made
about those of us who use
typewriters...

After several years of dismally low
creative output on computers, I
bought myself a manual Olivetti in
February of 1995. The experience
of typing - and therefore not
being able to "throw away"
anything at the mere touch of a
"del" key - changed my life. I
have written and published more in
the past year than I had in the
preceding seven.

This is not to say I eschew
computers or e-mail; nor am I so
craven or dim-witted as to
announce that What Works for Me is
a ideology of nostalgia to which
others should adhere. Still, the
benefits are worth mentioning.
Slower typing speed and correcting
difficulties mean one's powers of
judgment come into play more
often: how might I best and most
purposefully express this idea, in
contradistinction to the uniformly
affectless cynicism which
characterizes Gen-X
stream-of-consciousness blather
like Douglas Coupland? What am I
actually trying to say, as opposed
to spew?

One would think that any e-zine
willing to publish a "Zero Baud"
installment by Paul Lukas
(Inconspicuous Consumer) would
appreciate the value - which is
not to say fetishizing - of
non-wired technolgies like manual
typewriters, Brannock devices, and
toothpick dispensers. Lukas works
in the tradition of William Carlos
Williams, John Dewey, and Henry
David Thoreau. Suck's mode, it
seems, is uniformly that of Ezra
Pound.

While we never meant to slander
retro typefaces OR typewriters per
se, we can see how, when an issue
is this close to your heart, you
can't help but hear
Deliverance-quality slander
everywhere. We understand. Why,
just the other day young Joey was
quite convinced that everyone in
the office was intent on rummaging
through his chaffingly "indie
cred" CDs, when we were really
just hungrily searching for an old
french fry that Carl had flicked
across the room a few weeks ago!

You seem to be suggesting that if
we rattled away on an old behemoth
typewriter, Liquid Paper in hand,
we might stop the mindless blather
facilitated by our nimble extended
keyboards... We don't buy it. Our
ways may seem tainted to the
purist, but have you forgotten
that the pure products of America
go crazy? Besides, we think we're
better than Ezra...

Of Filler, <au588@rgfn.epcc.edu>
writes:

Damn Polly you really SUCK!!!! Why
don't you get a brain? or at least
gradiate da six grade Jethro!!!
Not one word of you page made any
sense, Idiot!!!!

Thank you for your insightful and
instructive observations regarding
Filler. At this time, we are
taking concrete steps to avoid
this problem by screening future
applicants to insure that they
have, in fact, gradiated da six
grade.

More proof that a solid education
is invaluable to highly
suggestible young Idiots! We wish
you the best of luck in completing
yours.

Of Jacques Merde's classic
Zerobaud, The Free, Dumb Fighters,
Joseph Chonacky
<jocho@elwha.evergreen.edu>
writes:

In three words: ba ha HA!

Your incessantly formulaic cynicism
has managed once more to tickle
me. But like every young white
male with time to kill and a
computer to kill it on, I've got a
better idea.

During your inevitable days of
breathless Armageddon, splash that
name across the American televised
landscape on large, ineptly
hand-painted banners strung up in
the trees of the compound. See to
it that your lowercase a's and u's
are indistinguishable from each
other. Then, in your semi-literate
press releases and manifestos,
alternately refer to yourselves as
the Really Super Cool Guys, and
the Really Super Cool Gays.
Haughtily rebuff all media
requests for clarification. Act as
manly as you possibly can. Leave
the gals at home.

Properly done, the resulting
psychic mayhem unleashed in the
already ambiguous gun-and-camo set
could last for fifteen years,
instead of fifteen minutes.

Damn straight! We thought about
doing that with Sack/Suck! The
media would become confused: Are
they trying to say everything on
the Web sucks, or are they
boasting about their Web
"manliness" in the most blatant
and vomit-inducing way - via
intellectual one-upmanship? We
also briefly considered "Schmuck,"
but it hit a little too close to
home. But then we realized the
media wouldn't care.

Kevin Teague <grathis@awinc.com>
writes:

I use the internet, and I saw your
web page and I liked it.

Once you start using, man, it's
hard to get clean. We'd strongly
advise putting down that mouse
right now and backing away,
slowly, without making any sudden
movements...

Finally, Rob Flynn
<raflynn@earthlink.net> inquires:

Do any of you Sucksters get a
paycheck? How do you live off
people like me who stumble into
your web?

No, but they keep our nappies clean
and let us stay up late to watch
Fantasy Island reruns. It's much
better than that last place...