for 10 June 1996. Updated every MONDAY.

[Lov3 Mail] Why does Suck inspire all the
sensitive types? Take, for
instance, <>:

"You know I'm a fifty-two year old
union (teamsters local 686) truck
driver supervisor and I get up at
four o'clock in the morning to
read this shit and laugh like a
dumb fuck in front of my monitor.
If it ain't text I don't fuck with
it and I'll never spend a dime
over my modem. See you in
church." . . .

Our recent farce on the
conspiracy, etc. etc., back and
forth, brought this announcement
from terminally goofy Spivsters:

"From: (reload)

SPIV, hereby declares itself a
Hotwired Free Zone, and banishes
all Mutes from Suck and hacks from
Flux from pilfering any and all
original SPIV icons or images,
ideas or content for use on the
aforementioned web site: Hotwired,
the sooper kewl service brought to
you by the terminally hip arbiters
of culture at Hotwired Ventures,
LTD. Using industrial strength
data encryption technology, the
Hotwired Free Zone insulates
ordinary web browsers from the
teeming memes spewing into the
datasphere from Market Street as
well as slipshod journalism,
rumors, innuendos, sex scandals
and alien conspiracy memos. (A
Macintosh version will be released
sometime later this year.) Simply
viewing these Hotwired Free Zone
pages at SPIV not to be confused
with Stim will enable your browser
to leap tall buildingsin a single
bound, bend titanium rods and hack
the Pentagon. To make your web
site a Hotwired Free Zone, check
out the SPIV homepage Tuesday,
June 4, 1996 starting at 5:00 AM
EST. Download our .gif and place
it on your favorite web pages,
chant 'Duke, Duke, Duke of URL'
three times and sendemail to explaining why you
think the Roswell incident is not
only a government cover-up but the
start of a global gene-splicing
experiment resulting in the birth
of Hotwired staffers born in the
50s and 60s."

Guess they told us . . .


Last week's Hit And Run on the San
Francisco Library locking away its
paper card catalog, and Nicholson
Baker's campaign to free same,
incited this bit of news from a
one E. B. Klassen:

"Read with interest about the new
librarie with 50% of its stacks
closed to the public. That's
brilliant, that. But not quite the
scale of the University of
Lethbridge library which has NO
open stacks at all. You use the
catalog to find the book you're
looking for, and then request it
from the librarian. The librarian
punches some buttons and the
appropriate bookshelf mechanically
slides out from its resting place
to enable the librarian to
retrieve the book you want. No
more of that silly browsing
amongst all the books and
stumbling over something you want
to read, but has no bearing on
your current studies. No, just
what you need and nothing more.
Books and readers to be kept as
separate as possible. Yeah,
information may want to be free,
but lunatics keep locking it up . . ."

Speaking of lunatics:

Subject: shit.

You bastard! You stole all of my
great ideas
and spammed them to
millions of wannabe marketing
geniuses . . . How can I express
my distaste and frustration with
you? I should mail you all of the
beir steins, ice cube trays, and
panties with my company's logo on
them to your front door. This is
worse than when George Harrison
stole that song from me in the mid


Our observations on the
stoificiation of the young (you
know, the golf/Hootie/Cigar thang)
led RedFish to lament:

"i feel your pain. if i have to sit
through another 30-something
chewing his cured leaf roll and
rambling on about the virtues of
single malt, i'm gonna have a
coronary myself. what happened to
the reliable traditional Cult Of
The Young? i miss it. but i
personally think we'd all be
better off if they all drank and
golfed themselves into a coma.
fuck em if they wanna start
suiciding early."

There's that sensitivity thing
again . . .


courtesy of
Da Man
and you