The jig is up. Dominic Collier
caught on to the Suck imperative
after reading Perl E. Gates's rant
on c|net's copy cat ways:
"I enjoyed your Suck piece for May
17 immensely, particularly the
'Forget the boundless opportunity
to build yet another DIY artfuck
site. Forget the supposed power of
many-to-many communications. What
the Web really offers is
unregulated packet plagiarism - a
wealth of other people's ideas to
copy and make a fast buck from. So
many, in fact, that anyone
actually creating original content
on the Web is choosing Fool's
Gold. There's a faster way to cash
out early, and cash out often, and
the true geniuses around here are
the ones who've figured this out.'
Wise words Perl - and I remember
thinking the same thing when I
first read them in Suck - must've
been eight, nine months ago now.
And I've carried on agreeing with
them every time I've seen them
since. Don't ask me how many times
because I've lost count.
Plagiarising other peoples' work
is, as you note, the way to make
it pay. But plagiarising your own
stuff, over and over again, and
serving it up as something fresh
every time - that's real genius.
If I had a simple, prima
facie-obvious observation I felt
like sharing with the WWWorld
under the bold SUCK banner, say
thirty or forty times, how would I
go about submitting it? Would you
want all thirty or forty copies or
do you do your own duplication?
Does Suck pay its copy (how
appropriate that word is!)
If so, does it pay REPEAT fees? If
the answer's "yes", please let me
know as soon as possible because
it would appear that you have
discovered El Dorado, and I want a
piece of it, and I need, very
urgently, to let my boss know
where my job really belongs and
how he should insert it so as to
minimize damage to his colon.
Keep on sucking."
Tell you what, Dom: Keep sending us
the same letter. We'll mail out
our usual Vacuum letter-writers'
fee: US$0 . . .
Man, who woulda thought a Web/Pez
candy metaphor would spark the
outpouring of praise from Suck
readers, not to mention this
flashback from Keith Welch
Pez....Pez! You know, I had some
yesterday for the first time in
twenty-some years, and it really
tastes bad... God forbid I should
ever go kiss my first girlfriend
again. Who knows what it might be
like." She spoke so well of you,
Keith . . .
The May 20th sortie into the
multimedia job market (or lack
thereof) brought this hope for the
future from <email@example.com>:
"Your Playboy/Penthouse analogies,
while obvious, bring up a
cornerstone of the entertainment
industry: glamour brings resumes,
and resumes bring eager young
faces who haven't yet maxed out
their credit cards paying rent.
While this is a new phenomenon in
SF, it's old stuff in LA. I was
lucky enough to transfer into the
record biz as a junior, but for
the incoming freshman class,
hazing is the rule of the day.
What's next? Now you don't have to
settle for working in the shadow
of some rock star, you can *be* a
rock star." Four years of college
for that? . . .
We've obviously found a friend in
W. Seth Hainsek
<Hugo_Rune@cyberbury.net>: "Ok. So
I bookmarked you. Then, with a bit
of trepidation, I made you my home
page. But my respect didn't start
flowing until today . . . In
Thursday the 23rd's
Fish/Barrel/Smoking Gun, I read
about Wisconson's The Onion. And I
found a reference each to Jorge
Luis Borges AND the Cohen brothers
(incidentally, graduates of my
alma mater, Simon's Rock College,
though several years ahead of me)
. . . in the same sentence! I was
filled with a deep admiration for
you folks, who can speak to us
schmoes with only half a brain as
if we had a whole. I salute you.
(theme music swells, fade out...)" . . .
A Suck reading list. So says Syko
Gangsta <firstname.lastname@example.org>: "Way I
see it, all a red-blooded American
man needs to read are
James Bible, Suck, and Hustler
Magazine." In exactly that order,
we would only add . . .
<ThomGlynn@aol.com>, for one, is
getting sick of all our shrieking
about ads on the Web, suggesting
that if we must comment on
marketing, we take a look at TV,
especially the latest Bermuda
campaign. "No one in bathing
suits, no bodies romantically
entwined, but what they do with
oysters, tiny fish that look like
sperm, and a hole-in-one, is
hard-on country." That must be
near Multimedia Gulch . . .
The eagle-eyed Owen Thomas
reading the Suck column on Web
investing, seems to have pierced
our pseudonym system: "(I)t would
appear that you let Dave Barry
write today's column." Yeah, and
you should see the rates he
charges . . .