Suck

for26 November 1996. Updated every TUESDAY.



	The Well's Wired conference meets
	Jonestown... on the web!

	Wirednews.com is your one-stop shop for
	news, views, and free verse about the
	most-discussed media entity in the
	digital universe, Wired Ventures.

	If EFF attorney Mike Godwin was correct
	when he identified libertarianism as the
	"primordial net.news discussion topic,"
	putative technolibertarian Louis Rossetto
	may yet prove himself the most savvy
	marketer the web has ever known. People
	are, indeed, talking "politics" online,
	but the subject of their exposition ain't
	Harry Browne.



	The new lowest common denominator of all
	networked debate is Wired Ventures, and
	whether or not one sees this as an
	extension of Godwin's thesis, the fact
	remains that knitting one's brows over
	Wired is an industry that has moved out
	of the cottage and into the mainstream.
	Analysis of the IPO has become a
	whodunnit of OJ proportions; ego-bruised
	ejectees mouth rote critiques of
	everything from the content to the
	business plan (evoking the tenor and zeal
	of recently-deprogrammed Aum Shinrikyo
	acolytes); also-ran competitors have even
	squandered their bottom dollars on
	private investigators to dig up dirt on
	HotWired columnists in retaliation for
	perceived crimes. Clearly, things are
	getting good.

	Those at Wired who complain of
	logarithmically spiralling inaccuracies
	are clearly missing the point - there's
	an almost insatiable hunger for Wired
	news, content not by the company, but
	about the company. Wirednews.com fills
	that need, providing a simple, intuitive
	*win-win for the company and* the**
	fascinated public, turning hollers into
	dollars.

	Wirednews.com recognizes that the problem
	with "preaching to the choir" isn't the
	choir, it's the preaching. Those singing
	the death hymns will find themselves in
	perfect harmony with the Wirednews.com
	community. Structurally, Wirednews.com
	would mirror the slew of Wired
	Ventures-affiliated websites: irate
	Prodigy drones comment each week on
	Flux; ergonomic-armchair economists from
	The Well annotate Packet; Bay Guardian
	Bolsheviks disassemble Netizen;
	columnists from that fourth-generation
	Wired photocopy, Upside, comment on the
	business plan; and Electric Mind-ed
	fruitopians metastasize HotWired's Threads.
	Adding elegance to the equation, even
	Suck might earn its own watchdog forum,
	with daily ruminations on our column and
	shitty attitude, by Wired Ventures
	employees themselves!

	Feature events would be akin to WWF Steel
	Cage matches, commanding premium prices
	for special events such as Rossetto vs.
	Kline, Barlow vs. Borsook, Mark Stahlman
	vs. Kevin Kelly, perhaps even Ned
	Brainard vs. Skinny DuBaud! Because the
	sheer mass of content would be more than
	any one person could possibly keep track
	of, material could be repackaged and
	published by a book division,
	HardWirednews. Java chat technology,
	licensed from HotWired, could be used for
	metered one-on-one deprogramming sessions
	with qualified Wirednews counselors:
	WirednewsTalk.com. Finally, the visual
	signature of the inevitable Wirednews.com
	television program on MSNBC would be as
	unforgettable as MTV's pre-Challenger
	rocket - Kirkpatrick Sales smashing a
	computer! Viva la revolución!
	Since most of Wired Ventures' most vocal
	critics are currently only tenuously
	employed, they could be taken advantage
	of for clearance-sale prices. There are
	several methods which might be pursued to
	make Wirednews.com instantly profitable,
	above and beyond subscription and
	pay-per-view fees. Two conservative
	approaches include a) selling all ad
	space to Wired or b) selling the entire
	company to Wired. However, the most
	provocative option might be to raise
	several hundred million in venture
	capital, purchase Wired Ventures
	outright, and reassign the Wired staff,
	technologies, and partners to full-time
	promotion of Wirednews.com Ventures.

courtesy of Duke of URL