[THE PITCH]
for 19 November 1996. Updated every TUESDAY.
 


[Channel.com]
 
BIG IDEA Marimba's Tuner meets the storefront
clairvoyant... on your desktop!
 
25 WORDS <= Forget tuning into dull content:
Channel.com uses the latest Java delivery
system to communicate with those on the
other side of the big firewall in the
sky.
 
HARD SELL The old adage "content is king" sounds
great, but what if you want your content
to be the king (Elvis, that is)? Well, if
you thought Marimba channels amounted to
stock tickers and sports scores, think
again. Channel.com allows you to use your
TCP/IP connection as a telepathic route
to the next dimension by allowing you to
communicate with the dead. Forget those
expensive trips to Madam Sadie. Her
predictions are just so... old-media, and
it all seems so fake. Forget those
confusing sessions with the Ouija board.
You've been right all along, it was the
other guy who was pushing that thing
around. Let technology make your
spiritual communications easier. Just
fire up Channel.com, and you're on your
way to finding out just why Uncle Ben
wrote you out of his will.
 
[Comic]
 
For a nominal fee, Channel.com provides
you with over 100 channels for use with
your new Marimba Tuner software. Maybe
you want to rap with Kennedy, or ask Mr.
Oswald if he had any help. Maybe you want
to find out what Vince Foster really did
with those FBI files. Channel.com has
these, and hundreds of other legendary
corpses ready for your every inquiring
packet. And remember, this isn't static
communication. Keep your tuner open and
updating, and you'll get a constant
stream of otherworldly information, right
to your desktop.
 
How do we do it? By combining old-time
clairvoyance with cutting-edge
technology, Channel.com keeps you tuned
into the afterlife 24 hours a day. We've
assembled the world's greatest channelers
to feed you a constant stream of
divination straight from the source,
whether it be Joan of Arc chatting from a
cloud, or Jim Jones coming at you
straight from H-E-double-toothpicks. And
if a famous corpse isn't what you're
looking for, don't worry. Channel.com
allows you to set up your own custom
channels, allowing you an open connection
to any worm-holed relative. Never fear:
If they're dead, we'll find 'em.
OVERHEAD This one is a no-brainer. Marimba is so
hot right now, anything related to it
will sell like hotcakes. The words
"CHANNEL" and "JAVA" in 49-point type
on the cover of the business plan will be
enough to start a VC bidding war. As for
infrastructure, we're home free. A couple
of servers running Marimba's Transmitter
serving up a Pointcast clone and a simple
Java chat applet will do the trick.
Charge the suckers (er, clients) a fee
per channel per month. You can even do
package deals (Napoleon and Josephine,
Anthony and Cleopatra, Sid and Nancy),
bringing in big bucks from the truly
tabloid-addicted . A quick trip through
the yellow pages will yield a plethora of
storefront soothsayers ready for a steady
income. Bring them in, give them a
terminal, and have them do their stuff.
Soon we'll have a bank of mystics
clogging the bandwidth with New Age
fluff, and filling the coffers with
old-style cash.
 

[Pitch Archive]

courtesy of
Red Howard