Suck

for 10 September 1996. Updated every TUESDAY.



	Internet service providers meet the
	pyramid scheme... on the web!

	Combining bandwidth reselling with a
	proven franchisee model, ISP.COM allows
	anyone to fulfill their
	entrepreneurial .net dreams.

	While newspapers are filled with stories
	on America's new Internet millionaires,
	many techno-illiterate Americans, unable
	to compete in the sysadmin game, are
	forced to watch from the sidelines. Now
	ISP.COM allows anyone with a modem to get
	a piece of the action by becoming an
	Internet service provider. Our unique
	franchisee system gives you all the tools
	you need to set up, market and sell your
	own little piece of the Internet. ISP.COM
	uses a market-proven reselling paradigm,
	allowing you to create your own
	"bandwidth enterprise zone." Once
	established, you're only a few clicks
	away from an IPO!

	Not sure how to market Internet access? No
	problem. Here's how it works. Surf into
	ISP.COM and sign up as a value-added
	franchisee. If your mortgage is paid up,
	we have an express sign-up program that
	will start you selling today! Once you
	receive your franchisee kit, complete
	with custom sign-up disks, you're ready
	to market the Internet to your friends
	and family. Customer support? No problem.
	You can sell to your heart's content,
	secure in the fact that all your
	customers can access the ISP.COM 800
	support lines twenty-four hours a day.
	It's so easy!



	But wait, the profits have only begun to
	pour in. Every time you sell a dial-up
	account, you haven't just signed up a
	customer, you've recruited a salesperson.
	Because whenever they sell part of their
	bandwidth, you get a percentage. That's
	right. You're not only making money off
	each of your customers, but off your
	customer's customers. It's our patented
	"three-sided marketing blueprint." Get
	it? You sell two friends, and they sell
	two friends, and so on, and so on...

	Let's face it, bandwidth reselling is the
	bread and butter of today's ISPs. When
	you buy that T1 from one of the big boys,
	think you're really getting a full T1?
	Think again. ISP.COM follows the same
	model with individual access. The
	company buys 28.8 dial-ups in bulk
	from a large national ISP. Each
	franchisee gets one or two dial-ups, and
	they simply resell the user name and
	password to more suckers. Two or more
	people accessing the same account will
	rarely be a problem - even if they were
	to attempt to log in at the same time,
	what are the chances they'll both get
	through? The marketing materials are
	rehashed Amway sales sheets, and sign-up
	disk costs can be minimized by teaching
	franchisees to overwrite AOL disks they
	get with magazines. The pyramid scheme
	reduces subscriber acquisition costs to
	zero, since gullible franchisees are
	essentially paying you to become your
	salespeople. Luckily, established access
	providers have already set the standard
	for customer support. A single Centrex
	line with voicemail will suffice. Busy
	signals will discourage all but the most
	adamant customers. If they get through
	and leave a voicemail, franchisees can
	ignore them, just like the real ISPs.

courtesy of Red Howard