Suck

for 16 July 1996. Updated every TUESDAY.



	Starbucks meets Whirlpool over a LAN
	*...on the Web!*

	Net access narrowcasted at those with
	spare time, spare change, and critical
	boredom - the lonesome losers at the
	laundromat!

	The whole cybercafe concept was
	half-roasted. The goal seemed plausible -
	pinpoint the ostensible ground-zero of
	caffeine culture, solder in a dozen
	terminals, and watch the community and
	commerce flourish. The fatal flaw lay in
	the crippling reality that the
	pseudo-boho latte-sippers' first priority
	was to look cool, not to make a flagrant
	public statement of how far they'd fallen
	into geek debasement. Thus, the
	brown-stained Apple keyboards went
	unused, and a nation full of auspicious
	new cafe ventures stayed barren and
	became money pits for service industry
	visionaries. Sit and Spin Co. is a
	radical divergence from this sort of
	conceptual quicksand, coming clean with a
	cotton-sturdy positioning plan guaranteed
	to rinse the discretionary income from
	even the most threadbare socialites.



	Sit and Spin Co. doesn't toss the day-old
	coffee out the window, it just pours it
	into a more accommodating kettle: the
	laundromat. Featuring a classically
	media-friendly environment and a climate
	demanding of both time and quarters, Sit
	and Spin's customers are virtually
	cornered into submission. An average
	dry-cycle alone is time enough for
	listless clock-watchers to log on, break
	the ice with nearby key-tappers, and even
	punch up a possible romance! For a group
	of consumers conditioned to accept the
	limited choices afforded by crank-shafted
	detergent dispensers, the options the Web
	provides will almost seem liberating. And
	with Sit and Spin's integrated WashAlert
	technology, customers can keep track of
	their colors, whites, and spin cycles
	with awesomely egregious precision. Your
	24-7 connection to fluff awaits!

	Pilot locations in Portland, Seattle, San
	Francisco, Austin, and Bogot´ can be
	built around existing laundromats.
	Initial investment in coffee and computer
	technologies could be extremely low
	(especially in Bogota) - cheap
	coffee/hot-cocoa/chicken-soup dispensers
	and Mac Pluses should suffice. For the
	flagship stations, automated Frappuccino
	rigs (such as those commonly found at
	movie theater concession stands) and
	386s would be ideal. Security guards
	could be given crash courses in basic
	network administration skills for a
	smooth, publicity-friendly rollout, and a
	warm reception from the soiled masses.

courtesy of Duke of URL