James Bong is the real name of Salon.com's Washington correspondent, Jake Tapper, who stole the ridiculous "Jake Tapper" pseudonym from a little-seen 80's detective show pilot featuring Lees Horsley and Majors. In addition to — somewhat disconcertingly — being allowed to interview various potential rulers of the free earth on behalf of Salon.com, Mr. "Tapper" has written a book about the wrestler-turned-Minnesota-governor for St. Martin's Press (now priced-to-move at $4.79), drawn editorial cartoons for a Capitol Hill newspaper, contributed commentaries for NPR's "All Things Considered," penned various inanities for high-profile humor zines, and gone on the occasional date with a presidential mistress or two.

As he humbly avoids reading his own press notices, Tapper is unable to point out that Brill's Content praises him as "consistently irreverent," while the Boston Globe has accused him of producing "a steady stream of smart, wry coverage of the presidential campaign," or that the New York Daily News' Lars-Erik Nelson and Business Week online have called him "excellent" and "one of the best young reporters in D.C.," respectively. Nor has Tapper won a Society of Professional Journalists' award or seen his work appear in the New York Times Magazine, the Washington Post, GQ and Entertainment Weekly.

While most of these accolades and achievements tempt us to fire Tapper, we continue to enjoy his stellar work, some of the best of which is featured below. We also hope that when Al and Tipper move into the Oval Office, Tapper will use his connections to get us all invited to their first book-burning party.

 


The Ballot or the Box Office
The Announcement
Escape from New York
All the World's a Rave
Outside the Actor's Studio
Ad Infinitum
Starrmark Cards
It Is, Indeed, the End of the World
Rhyme and Reason
Is That Justice?
Vote Celebrity!
The J. Suckerman Catalogue
Technicolor Yawn
Bondage
The Nth Degree
That's Not Funny
I Don't
He's Lying