The Fish
for 9 December 1999. Updated every WEEKDAY.
 
Suck Staff
 

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff
Editor in Chief

 

[Tim Cavanaugh]
Tim Cavanaugh
Special Guest Editor

 

Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director

 

Heather
Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor

 

[Copy Edit]
Erica Gies
&
Merrill Gillaspy

Copy Editors

 

[Phillip Bailey]
Phillip Bailey
Production Editor








	
Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text
 

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman
Co-Founder

 

Ana Marie
Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor

 

Sean (Duuuuude)
Welch
Sean Welch
Suckgineer

 

Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor

 


T. Jay Fowler
Production Manager
& Ass Kicker

 

[yes, it's
a plunger. i'll l
eave the rest up to your imagination ... ]
Erin Coull
Production Manager

 

Monte
Goode
Monte Goode
Ghost in the Machine

 

Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

 

[Brian
Forsyth, " we're just spanning time "]
Brian Forsyth
Production Editor
& Pool Monitor

 

[the fixin'
pixie... ]
Emily Hobson
Production Manager
& Rhythm Guitar

 

[Ian
Connelly]
Ian Connelly
Marketing Manager



Holy Roll

Any film that starts off
saying unequivocally that God
exists and that Jesus is the
absolute son of God cannot,
by definition, be blasphemous
or antireligious. Get real.

Don S
<bbcrock@hotmail.com>

Dear Don S (if that is your
real name),

Allow me to introduce you to
a much-heralded but rarely
utilized concept: irony,
which allows that there is no
such thing as an unequivocal
statement. Indeed, at its
most rarefied, irony holds
that getting "real" is at
best a momentary state to be
replaced with a question of
just how "real" real is. Cue
— sans irony — Alan
Parsons' "A Dream Within a
Dream" off his
super-fantastic (really!)
"concept" album, Tales of
Mystery and Imagination.
Or
was it Tales of Misery and
Lack of Imagination
?

Mr. M
 
Fish With Letter Icon
 


Mxyzptlk,

Babe, you missed the point
— the first kill was the
Fatted Calf (Disney), a
reference to how they suck
the life out of art for
profit. The second wave of
killing was the audience;
they died for not knowing
what they were facing (go
ahead and watch ER forever,
see if I care). God was
only a plot device — like
the new fall lineup, he made
everything well again.

I did like what you had to
say.

David A. Dorney
<dadroc@csi.com>

Disney rules and is down with
the devil: Escape from Witch
Mountain, The Devil and Max
Devlin, The Devil in Miss
Jones,
etc.!

More important, would you
know Eric Clapton in heaven?
He'd be that
professorial-looking dude in
the butterfingered section,
hitting on goils (he'd call
them birds) and rapping with
Wilt the Stilt Chamberlain,
the former Harlem
Globetrotter who let Kansas
University's long-ago shot at a
national title slip through
his fingers with the
promiscuity he later reserved
only for his Big Dipper.

One small correction: God is
the only plot device.

Mr. M
 
Fish With Letter Icon
 


As a matter of fact, there is
nothing blasphemous about
mocking or subverting idols.
Christians are actually
supposed to do this, I think.
Because they aren't pagans,
right? You must be confusing
the cultural phenomena known
as Christianity with the
actual religion. It's a short
trip from "make no graven
image" to "piss on graven
images," isn't it?

Your attempt to relate any of
this to Pascal's wager was
pretty unspectacular. Stick
to writing about things you
understand.

Demmy Rooster
<root@treehouse.dyndns.org>

Dear Demmy,

Fair enough. I get your
point, though most of your
message is somewhat less
clear to me than the
Christian meanings on Bob
Dylan's Slow Train Coming LP
or the Ayn Rand allusions on
Rush's 2112, or, for that
matter, the Poe allusions on
that Alan Parsons Project
record.

Mr. M
 
Fish With Letter Icon
 


Tuning Out

You forgot about college
radio, which is usually a
viable alternative to
commercial radio, where it
exists. If it sucks, at least
you know they're not getting
paid. Theoretically, one
could even volunteer at the
station. Although that sounds
like a frightful lot of
effort, what with MP3s and
all. Turn off your radio and
throw it away.

Andrew
<enewetok@gci.net>

Ah, I well recall the sounds
and smells of my college
radio days: persistent 3 a.m.
requests for King Missile's
"Jesus Was Way Cool";
enticing, equipment-damaging
smoke curling out of the
engineer's room next door;
moments of chaos followed by
pure beauty, followed by dead
air. But since our focus was
on commercial radio's
decline, these images seemed
a bit out of place. Thanks
for taking me back, though.
(Now I feel really old.)

Best, Anne
 
Fish With Letter Icon
 


I live in Calgary, Canada,
where we are fortunate enough
to be home to the best radio
station I have ever listened
to (that isn't saying much,
of course) — CJSW
(www.cjsw.com). We're also
home to the very influential
Power 107 (www.power107.com),
which has clones all over the
country, I am told; some rock
station called CJ 92; and a
couple country and soft rock
stations.

I'm writing to tell you that
a breath of radio fresh air
does exist somewhere in North
America (and on the Web in
RealAudio — why not
listen for 20 minutes?).
Where else could one hear a
DJ stop a track because the
general opinion of the studio
(oftentimes, more than two or
three) sucks? And that going
back to the commercial-packed
drone of "30 minutes of
nonstop music" (don't quote
me on the 30) has become
increasingly harder and
horrifying for me in the last
few months. It's great to be
able to listen to more
democratic radio. In the five
minutes or so it takes to
restart your computer, the
style and genre of fuzzy,
tinny, streamed music will
probably have changed
completely.

Michael Daines
<mdaines@home.com>

Hi Michael,

Oh, you Canadians and your
innovations! First, good
radio — what next, free
penicillin for everyone?
We'll try CJSW, although if
we wanted to hear songs
continually stopped in the
middle due to a consensus of
suckage, we could just
rewatch all those classic
Gong Show episodes we scored
off eBay.

Anne
 
Fish With Letter Icon
 


Holy Roll

Some of the things you said
about faith in the Suck
article ring true. Since I
have not seen Dogma, I cannot
comment on it.

Christianity is one tough nut
to crack. The Roman Empire
tried to destroy it. The
Roman Empire is gone. So did
the former Soviet Union. The
Soviet Union is no more.
Therefore I'm not worried
about Dogma, liberals, TV,
radio, Congress, or the New
World Order eliminating
Christianity. God is
perfectly capable of
defending himself or herself
(New Testament words for God
are all gender neutral), so
I'm not worried.

Steve Lutes
<utahraptor@hypercon.com>

You're right about that tough
nut thing, buddy boy. After
all, my born-again Christian
friends tell me that the
Roman Catholic Church —
they refer to it as the Whore
in the Book of Revelation
— has been trying
unsuccessfully to crush
Christianity ever since Peter
set himself up as archbishop
of Rome and started ringing
up sales of holy relics.

Mr. M (who cracked some tough
nuts over Thanksgiving)
 
Fish With Letter Icon
 

 The Shit
Seeing Calvin Coolidge in a Dream, John Derbyshire, St. Martin's Press, 1996
Peekaboo's Masks, 2492 Van Ness Avenue, San Francisco
West Beirut, director Ziad Doueiri, 1999
"The Smartest Cartoonist on Earth," Daniel K. Raeburn, The Imp, Vol. 1/No. 3, 1999
Mad Monster Party, Rankin/Bass Productions, VHS, Deluxo & Black Bear Press, 1967/1999
The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Alan Moore and Kevin O'Neill, America's Best Comics, 1999
Hermenaut No. 15: "The Fake Authenticity Issue," editor Joshua Glenn, summer 1999
Guillow's Sky Streak rubber-powered balsa-wood glider (without landing gear)
Webvan
Very Emergency, Promise Ring, Jade Tree, 1999
Mean Magazine No. 5, summer 1999
Slickaphonics, Replikants, KillRockStars/Rue St. Germaine, 1999
"Cash, Interesting, Summer Holiday", The Young Ones, Foxvideo (BBC Video), 1988
Driver (PSX), GT Interactive, 1999

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