for 7 December 1999. Updated every WEEKDAY.
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Tuning Out Anne, I just printed out a copy of your Suck article from Monday. I am going to a tattoo parlor in Connecticut to have the proprietor tattoo it across my back. Your loyal Suck reader, Max <JacobMrley@ aol.com> But what are you going to do when people tickle the hyperlinks? Your loyal Suck writer, Anne  I read your piece today and enjoyed it. I don't know if you're aware of the following situation, but it might interest you. I live about an hour north of Denver, where Jacor is king of radio. Last year, the big issue in Denver was whether or not the public should finance the construction of a new football stadium to replace Mile High. Mind you, this is the same city that won't finance a public rail system, that is rarely willing to fund repairs and additions to its increasingly inadequate infrastructure, and that remains the only city in the world to have won a bid for the Olympics and then refused the games to avoid the cost to taxpayers. Naturally, the response to the new stadium initiative was negative: "That billionaire bastard Pat Bowlen can build the damn thing himself!" "What's wrong with Mile High, anyway?" Then the Jacor company began a nonstop, hopelessly one-sided blitz of radio programming. For months, DJs on Jacor's multiple Denver stations threatened listeners with the prospect of losing the Broncos to another city. They talked over and berated any callers who had the gumption to call and take an opposing stance, and through sheer repetition and selective reasoning they transformed the entire issue into a straw man. Eventually, if you were against the new stadium, you were against the Broncos (heresy!). Everyone was to do their part to keep the beloved Broncos in town, cost be damned. As a coup de grâce, Bowlen carted out local deity John Elway to actually state the Jacor subtext in no uncertain terms, and the muted opponents of the stadium proposal were wiped out. Now hundreds of millions of dollars of public funds are going into a new stadium that will be owned not by the public, but by Pat Bowlen, the billionaire. If the tax-paying public wants to see their new stadium, they'll have to buy a luxury box or get in line for season tickets. Most fans will simply rely on Jacor game broadcasts, of course. I just wanted to follow up on some of the points you raised. Nowhere has the devastating effect of the Telecommunications Act been felt more than in radio. But the implications for the public go a lot deeper than homogenized playlists. Regards, Richard Sweetman <rsweetman@news400.com> Wow. Our condolences to Denverites and their wallets. I guess if there's anything worse than a scheming billionaire, it's a scheming billionaire with puppet DJs all over the radio dial. On the bright side, though, will you at least be able to use the abandoned Mile High stadium for some kick-ass picnics? Best, Anne My name is Marv Cross, and I host the morning show on KCTY-FM in Omaha, Nebraska. You will be heartened to hear that we are a commercial station that has dedicated our entire collective mojo to playing music that was, until now, unheard not only on the radio in town, but everywhere. We are a single station in a town filled by AMFM and the Journal Broadcast Group. (Although our owner is Norm Waitt, cofounder of Gateway computers, he is very cool for a billionaire.) We were hired to put a radio station on the air that we thought people would like. And, believe this or not, we were instructed to bring our CDs from home and play them during our shifts. Now our music flows the way MTV used to show videos before it became crap. Even if you don't like the song that's on right now you'll probably stick around because you literally don't know what's going to come up next. I just wanted to write you and say I loved your article. I agree completely, and it was this fact that made me think I would probably only do talk radio for the rest of my life because I was so burned on the format-driven pooh that I had previously been paid to spoon-feed to listeners. Rock On! Marv Cross <marvy1@home.com> Thanks for writing — we're glad you no longer have to spoon-feed your audience pooh! (We'll leave that to the producers of Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me.) If your collective mojo feels like making another dedication, could you send Brother Joe May's "Sell Out to the Master Right Now" to Anne out there in Internet radioland? Rock on with your bad self. Anne Filler Oh, that was rich. How come every time women critique a difference in the behavior of women and men, there is an assumption that a) the way women do things is the morally correct, "right" way, and b) when men do things differently than women, it is because they are bad and "wrong." Example: When a man doesn't want to settle down with a woman after a few months of dating, he is either weak ("afraid of commitment") or slimy. How about this interpretation: Women are conniving and scheming to trap men and hinder their natural freedoms, to tie them down and exploit them. Can you explain to me why the second is less valid than the first? For some reason we hear the first articulated every day in thousands of whiny screeds such as today's Suck. Yours, Big Steve <replentishment@hushmail.com> Well, women compensate for their hurt at being rejected by lashing out at men for not wanting to get serious, knowing full well that most men who tell you that they "don't want a girlfriend" simply don't want you for a girlfriend. Men compensate for their fear of women's anger and unfair labels by insisting that fucking several women at once is somehow "natural," neglecting to note that shitting in your pants is also quite natural, and about as savory. So, you see, all bitterness and overly simplistic reactions are merely compensation for feeling hurt, misunderstood, or inadequate. In this light, it's certainly interesting that you put the word "big" in front of your name. Polly You are very, very funny. Insightful too. I think the artist (Terry Colon, but you knew that) matches your work swimmingly. I bet you get a lot of weird email. Is there a collection of your work available for purchase? Your work is at least as funny as the Onion, and they have a book. Thanks for the ha has, Greg Procter <procter@penn.com> It's good you mentioned Terry's name because we might have thought you meant Prince. As in, Prince matches your work swimmingly. As in, Filler is best read while listening to Prince's music. I was willing to go with that. In other words, yes, we get a lot of weird email. We're at least as funny as Linda Tripp, and she has a book. Polly Hit & Run Dear Tim, Great list, but why put absinthe on it? Now that the yupsters have taken over single malt, we need a pointlessly pretentious obsession to call our own, and absinthe is perfect. You need all this neat hardware (special silver spoon, right kind of sugar, proper glasses); it's expensive but not unbearably so; it's got an edge of danger about it but really isn't particularly dangerous; it puts you back in touch with your (nonexistent) bohemian past; it doesn't taste too bad. I just realized I've also described how we characterized cocaine a few decades back, but what the hell. If you find a really nice absinthe spoon on eBay let me know. Alan S. Kornheiser <ASKornheiser@prodigy.net> Alan, you just write letters about whatever you feel like writing about, don't you? Well, we write responses about whatever we feel like writing about, so we can't exactly complain. It's kind of like seeing a couple of self-involved actors dating each other — they each perform, but neither knows how to act as a receptive audience. It's ugly and dysfunctional. But amusing! More of the same, the Sucksters |
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