The Fish
for 2 December 1999. Updated every WEEKDAY.
 
Suck Staff
 

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff
Editor in Chief

 

[Tim Cavanaugh]
Tim Cavanaugh
Special Guest Editor

 

Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director

 

Heather
Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor

 

[Copy Edit]
Erica Gies
&
Merrill Gillaspy

Copy Editors

 

[Phillip Bailey]
Phillip Bailey
Production Editor








	
Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text
 

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman
Co-Founder

 

Ana Marie
Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor

 

Sean (Duuuuude)
Welch
Sean Welch
Suckgineer

 

Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor

 


T. Jay Fowler
Production Manager
& Ass Kicker

 

[yes, it's
a plunger. i'll l
eave the rest up to your imagination ... ]
Erin Coull
Production Manager

 

Monte
Goode
Monte Goode
Ghost in the Machine

 

Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

 

[Brian
Forsyth, " we're just spanning time "]
Brian Forsyth
Production Editor
& Pool Monitor

 

[the fixin'
pixie... ]
Emily Hobson
Production Manager
& Rhythm Guitar

 

[Ian
Connelly]
Ian Connelly
Marketing Manager



Hit & Run

The only publication I know
of that ever refers to Prada
is Suck. Out here in fly-over
country, the only reason I
even know what the hell Prada
is is because you guys
prattle on about it
endlessly. I've no idea what
Prada looks like, but I do know
they have a bike-messenger
bag, since you devoted an
entire day to the damn thing.
Apparently, they also have an
A-line tennis dress. It can't
be all that expensive,
though, since "even the
homeless
are wearing Prada."
Which seems weird to me,
since Prada is a favorite of
celebrities
.

I figure you have some sort
of joint marketing deal.

Mark Wright
<mwright@pro-ns.net>

Duh! Why do you think we put
them on the list?

the Sucksters
 
Fish With Letter Icon
 


Dear Sucksters,

In Hit & Run 18 November
1999, you write, "Who says
student activism is dead? On
the campus of the University
of California at Berkeley,
sacred ground of '60s protest
culture, debate rages on. Of
course, these days it's not
the Black Panthers but the
fashion police speaking out
... it's comforting to know
that collegiate concerns can
be solved with a protein
shake and an Abercrombie &
Fitch catalog."

Clearly, you guys have not
been keeping up with student
activism, even in your own
backyard. Why perpetuate the
myth of student apathy?

Not only has Berkeley been
incredibly active in the
antisweatshop movement (with
an action only two days
before you ran this poorly
researched article), but
there were hunger strikes and
arrests there at the end of
the last school year over
ethnic studies. If you want
to see what's gone on at
other schools, at least on
the antisweatshop front,
visit http://www.umich.edu/~
sole/usass y1/media
.

Do your research.

Sincerely,

Saurav Sarkar
Yale '00
<saurav.sarkar@yale.edu>

Big whoop. At Suck we have
hunger strikes and arrests
all the time against Yale
undergraduates. But they
still don't go away.

the Sucksters
 
Fish With Letter Icon
 


Subject: You forgot one ...

... or two.

"pundit paradigm"

It hurts to type them.

Josh Renaud
<josh@jabscoinc.com>

Hurts so good, you mean.

Supporting the dominant
paradigm and questioning
questioning authority,

the Sucksters
 
Fish With Letter Icon
 


Filler

Subject: Angry Little
Squirrel

Polly,

You guys may have created the
Next Big Thing with Angry
Little Squirrel. Bigger than
Picachu. Bigger than that
weird penguin or that robot
cat. I have seen the future
in Japanese mass marketing,
and it's Angry Little
Squirrel.

I know you're busy making
plans for Angry Little
Squirrel backpacks, pencil
holders, folders, decorative
barware, and toilet seat
covers, but if you could
possibly post a larger,
desktop-sized image of Angry
Little Squirrel, I would
appreciate it.

Thanks,

Matt Thompson
<mthompso@liberate.com>

Everyone's got a marketing
mind these days, eh? How
about the Angry Little
Squirrel director of
marketing, brimming with big
merchandising ideas that
never see the light of day?

Can you imagine how haunting
it must be for some of these
cartoonists to see their
characters on coffee mugs and
desktops everywhere they
turn? Haunted all the way to
the bank, right?

With Sanrio in the world,
what could we possibly add?

Are questions just a way out
of saying what you mean?

Feeling squirrelly,

Polly
 
Fish With Letter Icon
 


Subject: Bitter Stew

Just found your site.

It's so funny because it's so
true!

Thanks for the laugh.

Wendy Peng
<wpeng@cgocable.net>

Its truthfulness makes it
pretty unfunny at times. Or
"sooo not funny." It is what
it is. What can you say? What
can you do?

Is using the passive voice a
passive-aggressive maneuver
to avoid "taking
responsibility" for one's
true funny feelings (funny
weird, not funny ha-ha)?

Stewing but juiceless,

Polly
 
Fish With Letter Icon
 


Another Slob Weighs In

I would gladly buy one of
each of your T-shirts if they
were available in white-on-
black.

Why? Do I think I'm trendy?
Am I a Goth? Am I stuck in an
'80s punk rut?

Well, maybe I am. But the
main reason is coffee (and
other similar) stains. I'm
kind of a slob, and sometimes
I get nosebleeds and such,
and all my white T-shirts
eventually get stained. I can
never bleach them back to
their original pristine
luster. The black T-shirts
are just more cost-effective,
and there is the heartbreak
of losing a beloved T-shirt
to the rag pile.

Boo Boo Honeypaw
<honeypaw@ hotmail.com>

Time to clean those sticky
paws and grow up, Boo Boo.

Let go of your fear and take
charge of your life. Love is
letting go of fear, Boo Boo.
Wearing white means growing
up, and growing up can be
scary, but it brings a whole
new world of joy and
satisfaction along with it.
Avoiding sloppy joe
sandwiches is a relatively
small drawback, don't you
think?

Newly crowned adults who wear
white occasionally and
sometimes don't even spill on
it,

the Sucksters
 
Fish With Letter Icon
 


Folks,

Your T-shirts would sell if
you stocked humongous XXL and
XXXL sizes. Sedentary Web
types are generally tubby as
all get out and like their
Ts comfortable.

I should know.

He who won't buy a tiny T,

Phil
<lawsquare@email.msn.com>

So you're saying all our
readers are big, fat slobs.
Hey, that's fine. We'll start
selling massive tunics and
blazers in slimming colors.
Supply, demand ... it's the
way of things.

Bony but filled with
empathy, insofar as empathy
pays,

the Sucksters
 
Fish With Letter Icon
 

 The Shit
Seeing Calvin Coolidge in a Dream, John Derbyshire, St. Martin's Press, 1996
Peekaboo's Masks, 2492 Van Ness Avenue, San Francisco
West Beirut, director Ziad Doueiri, 1999
"The Smartest Cartoonist on Earth," Daniel K. Raeburn, The Imp, Vol. 1/No. 3, 1999
Mad Monster Party, Rankin/Bass Productions, VHS, Deluxo & Black Bear Press, 1967/1999
The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Alan Moore and Kevin O'Neill, America's Best Comics, 1999
Hermenaut No. 15: "The Fake Authenticity Issue," editor Joshua Glenn, summer 1999
Guillow's Sky Streak rubber-powered balsa-wood glider (without landing gear)
Webvan
Very Emergency, Promise Ring, Jade Tree, 1999
Mean Magazine No. 5, summer 1999
Slickaphonics, Replikants, KillRockStars/Rue St. Germaine, 1999
"Cash, Interesting, Summer Holiday", The Young Ones, Foxvideo (BBC Video), 1988
Driver (PSX), GT Interactive, 1999

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