The Fish
for 19 November 1999. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff
Editor in Chief


[Tim Cavanaugh]
Tim Cavanaugh
Special Guest Editor


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


[the fixin'
pixie... ]
Emily Hobson
Production Manager
& Rhythm Guitar


Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor


Ian Connelly
Marketing Manager


[Copy Edit]
Erica Gies
Merrill Gillaspy

Copy Editors


[Phillip Bailey]
Phillip Bailey
Production Editor

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Ana Marie
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


Sean (Duuuuude)
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


T. Jay Fowler
Production Manager
& Ass Kicker


[yes, it's
a plunger. i'll l
eave the rest up to your imagination ... ]
Erin Coull
Production Manager


Monte Goode
Ghost in the Machine


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager


Forsyth, " we're just spanning time "]
Brian Forsyth
Production Editor
& Pool Monitor

The New Biography

While I think associating
Microsoft with fascist Italy
is a tad heavy-handed, I
appreciate the visual pun
(bundling/fascio) you
employed. Sort of ...
appropriately complex. Oh, I
also enjoyed the article, in
case you were wondering.

Benedict Warr

Fascists make great party
guests and pun targets, and
the reference is even more
appropriate in light of
Friday's findings of fact
regarding Microsoft's friendly
overreaching in some of its
business dealings.

But the kudos for that go to
Terry Colon, the artist,
not to me. Glad you enjoyed
the piece and that you got
the Fascista reference. We've
gotten some good feedback and
will attempt to employ
Mussolini-esque art whenever


Peter Hyman
Fish With Letter Icon


Fascinating. I am writing my
own autobiography (whose
else?) and would like to cite
you (for contempt, or perhaps
for paraphrasing the obvious).
Your permission is not
required, but appreciated.


I have absolutely no idea
what your email meant,
beginning with the
paranthetical "whose else"
... did you mean who else's?
And if so, what were you
referring to? The obvious
fact that only you could
write your own autobiography?
In the literal sense,
obviously you are correct.
That is why my piece was
called The New Biography, not

The Morris book is Biography
as Borgesian memoir, a sort
of first-person insertion
exercise. I cited the review
quote simply as a means to
get into my piece. Very
opportunistic, eh?

If you do cite me, please
make sure to do so in proper
bibliographic format. That
way you'll be protected when
they link the sourcing back
to my obvious essay.

Best of luck with your book.

Yr pal,

Peter Hyman
Fish With Letter Icon

Why is it that our first
thought when recalling
killing and murderous people
is of "hate-mongering white
supremacist groups" and not
of hate-mongering black,
Hispanic, and Asian street
gangs? I do it too; it is my
first thought when thinking
of such things. I have taken
an informal survey and the
results are staggering:
Ninety percent have no idea
why they think of whites
first. Most of the remaining
10 percent believe it comes
from a higher expectation of
whites than from other racial
groups. The higher
expectation leads to more
shock at the behavior.

I wanted to get your unique
perspective, as I noticed the
phrase "hate-mongering white
supremacist groups" in your

Michael Davis

Yours is quite a serious
question and as such, I'll
refrain from making a
sarcastic remark. I cannot
claim to have scientific
evidence of the increased
propensity of whites to
inflict hate crimes and to
then defend those crimes
under the banner of some
"higher" calling (e.g., an
Aryan Nation, the Creator),
but there have certainly been
rencent articles that examine

I did not, however, mean to
imply that only whites commit
murder. My point was to
reference Buford Furrow,
Benjamin Matthew Williams,
the killers of Matthew
Shephard, and other recent
events (Jasper, Texas;
Columbine) in connection with
the boiled-down party line of
the NRA (that guns don't kill
people) in order to satirize
the notion and link the two
thoughts. I'm sure there are
plenty of nice, honest,
well-intending members of the
NRA and, conversely, plenty
of hate-filled white
supremacists who are not
dues-paying NRA members, but
I'll just bet the points of
intersection are bigger than
anybody can prove.

Fish With Letter Icon

Hit & Run

Very interesting viewpoints.
It is far easier for one to
sound intellectual and loaded
with knowledge than it is to
actually be one with both.
Your Web site truly skims the
surface and is appropriately

Garry Marino
<gmarino1@tampabay.rr. com>

"... than it is to be one
with both"?

That must be a reference to
the Zen master who approached
the hot dog vendor with the
request: "Make me one with

Thanks for the deep thoughts,

Appropriately named,

the Sucksters
Fish With Letter Icon

I'm thrilled you've linked
the contest, but I'm less
than thrilled that you have
linked my personal site. It
has nothing to do with the
contest. I'm also a little
bothered that you stole an
image. Anyway, please remove
all links to
/bwhite. The official site is
/contest.html or


Brandon White <bwhite@>

Thanks, Brandon. You should
really be complaining to the
folks at AltaVista who still
have your kscable site listed
for the contest and who have
a far greater impact on Web
traffic than we could ever
hope to match.

Good luck with the contest.
Sadly, it never happens until
you give up hope.

Yr pal,

Fish With Letter Icon

"... liberal,
hummer-advocating author
Naomi Wolf ..."

So come on, are you talking
about blow jobs or SUVs?
(Either one could do
something about Al's "beta
male" image.)

Brian Zimmerman

But only one would help him
distance himself from the
Bill Clinton legacy.

the Sucksters
Fish With Letter Icon

Subject: Predictions

Do you have the list of
ridiculous predictions for
the future as reported
recently by Reuters? It's supposed
to be by the top people in their
fields. They appeared in an
English newspaper recently.

Thank you very much.

Ralph W. Gaston

Yes, we have the list. You
can't have it.

The top people in our poppy

the Sucksters
Fish With Letter Icon

The New Biography


Where do you live? The

I know someone who knows your
cartoonist, which is why I

Thanks for sharing,


I was raised in the Midwest
but live now on the East
Coast in a gilded city
well-known as a center of
finance, fashion, and

What, exactly, do you mean
when you say you know my
cartoonist? Know the
cartoonist how? Under what
circumstances? We shall have
the authorities examine this
strange coincidence, and I
suggest you not refer to the
Midwest in written form


Fish With Letter Icon


Thanks for a great article
today. I, too, hate lazy
literary transitions!

Who knew?

And what about being over
that? Isn't there anything
you're over?

You go girl!

Your pal,

Nina Gregory

I'm over not being over it
for those who say I should be
over it, whatever it really

Over and out.

Peter Hyman
Fish With Letter Icon

Footnotes 5 percent
entertaining? Try 0.5

With sugar,


Actually, according to the
Gallup Organization, it was
more on the order of .4236799
percent (though we at Suck
will call that an even .424
percent, seeing as we are
nonsticklers for repeating
decimals). But you wouldn't
have had access to those
figures, as they were

If you multiply that
percentage by Avagadro's
number you get the address
for the Hilles Library at
Harvard: 59 Shepard Street.
Imagine that!!

Yr pal,

Peter Hyman
Fish With Letter Icon

 The Shit
Seeing Calvin Coolidge in a Dream, John Derbyshire, St. Martin's Press, 1996
Peekaboo's Masks, 2492 Van Ness Avenue, San Francisco
West Beirut, director Ziad Doueiri, 1999
"The Smartest Cartoonist on Earth," Daniel K. Raeburn, The Imp, Vol. 1/No. 3, 1999
Mad Monster Party, Rankin/Bass Productions, VHS, Deluxo & Black Bear Press, 1967/1999
The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Alan Moore and Kevin O'Neill, America's Best Comics, 1999
Hermenaut No. 15: "The Fake Authenticity Issue," editor Joshua Glenn, summer 1999
Guillow's Sky Streak rubber-powered balsa-wood glider (without landing gear)
Very Emergency, Promise Ring, Jade Tree, 1999
Mean Magazine No. 5, summer 1999
Slickaphonics, Replikants, KillRockStars/Rue St. Germaine, 1999
"Cash, Interesting, Summer Holiday", The Young Ones, Foxvideo (BBC Video), 1988
Driver (PSX), GT Interactive, 1999

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