for 8 November 1999. Updated every WEEKDAY.
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Pimptuition Thank you for that interview. I liked it. Intelligent commentary is always pleasant to read. Einstein X. Mystery <einstein@ scn.org> "When two tigers fight, one dies and the other is crippled." — Chinese proverb No matter how nice things get, at least somebody out there knows competition isn't about fitness or personal growth or moral victory, but about kicking somebody's ass. — Suck.com 19 January 1999 "Boy, if I was a woman with absolutely no intelligence or taste whatsoever, I'd be first in line to date him." — Travis L. Eberle Antispam link — don't follow http://e-scrub.com/ spammers-are- leeches/index.htm Einstein X. Mystery einstein@scn.org *:-> ICQ UIN 17112996 If you have a question, ask. 928/968? 959! (You're wrong, Tom.) Still the only enlisted man ever to be in the LSpr-c Do you know where your towel is? Thanks for your support. I notice that each time you write in, your message seems to get shorter while your sig grows longer. Is this some sort of commentary on our age of commentary? Yr pal, BarTel  "Wasted Hours" I gave away my time I typed away the hours I wanted online relation- ships Intimacy, and a few half- dozen flowers I got none of that, nothing but Date stamped symbols, numbers, and letters Emotionally I am an unpaid electronic ho I'd hook in cyberspace if I had a digital camera I was never in the game The game was me Electric Ho <electronic_ho@yahoo.com> A stunning look into the emotional void. Reminds me of another old favorite: Here I sit, broken hearted, Tried to shit, but only farted. Yr pal, BarTel Sir: That was the most profound interview I've read in a long time. The depth of it had me transfixed. I am full. I feel satisfied. Yet I don't know why ... Good work, Arl <p1763@midwest.net> Thanks, Arl. Of course, this interview merely scratched the surface. For the complete treatment you'll have to get Rosebudd's taped memoirs, and petition your local movie house to show American Pimp sometime soon. Don't forget to bring your favorite bitch! Yr pal, BarTel Peep Game Holmes, I gotta give you props for that pimp shit. I know it's hard for someone like you to look from the outside and see the kind of shit that goes on in a pimp's world. I didn't really understand some of it, but the interview was good stuff, man. In this day and age of sell-out blacks like Colin Powell (aka Schwartzkopf's main bitch) and that high yella nigger from the NAACP, we (black men) need more insight into the game. This country has a pimp running it right now, so I think it's high time a playa come back into the limelight. I'm going to try to get my home boy T-bone from around the way to run for senator next term. He's definitely got more game than Governor Bill Owens. Kid Ci$co, the hardest artist <fvelasqu@ ball.com> "Schwartzkopf" means "black head" in German, and in fact, Powell was Schwartzkopf's boss, not the other way around. But you raise an interesting point about Bill Clinton: How well would he survive in The Game? My guess is that he's got the skills, but I suspect his lack of self-discipline would get him into trouble. There'd be a big hogging-the-merchandise factor with Dolemite Bill. Still, it could be a good way for him to spend his post-presidential career. Thanks for your kind words. Yr pal, BarTel Interview with a Pimp was great. I think Rosebudd Bitterdose hit upon what to 90 percent of people believe is true, but nobody realizes or admits: "You're on the outside, trying to figure out how a race car goes 300 miles per hour when it looks just like a regular car. I don't know that shit. All I know is it can do it." People never really measure their actions nearly as much as we would all like to think. If it works once, we do it again. If it didn't work, don't do it again. Just like the trained monkeys we all are. The great thing about Rosebudd, however, is that he really does understand this phenomena. Deep down, a ho is still just a girl willing to give it all up for a relationship. And just like all the beaten wives out there who keep bailing their hubbies out of prison, the stunning unhealthiness of any given relationship seems to have very little impact on this pursuit. Taken in its context, his line, "Believe it or not, they [hoes] want a real relationship," is one of my favorites, possibly rivaling "The Internet is to plagiarism what crack is to violent glassy-eyed babbling" as the best Suck quote ever. Sincerely, Cameron Geiser <cameron@slip.net> Card-carrying Suckster #624 Member since 1997 "It's all my fault!" It's kind of like the relationship Suck has with its writers. The writer comes into the big city full of hopes and dreams, only to be beaten down, humiliated, and left penniless. Eventually we realize we're doing all the work and Suck is getting all the benefits, but we can't leave, because this is the only place where we can admit what hoes we really are. Yr pal, BarTel History Is Bunko I don't know if you're superstitious but it's generally understood in the circles that I operate in that it's not a good idea to make fun of Charles Manson. I understand the symbolism of the sno-globe, but what's with that weird cat in the background? Is that supposed to be a reference to Kitty Lutesinger? Demmy Rooster Dear Demmy, This advice is well taken, and no doubt an Alan Berg- like fate awaits me at the hands of one of Manson's extended family. As for the cat, you shall know its meaning at the time of my demise, which should be any day now if we are on the same page. The Boob HAW HAW HAW! "Cutting-edge Web zine" my fat, hairy, white ass! http://www.pigdog.org/auto/ mr_bads_list/shortcolumn/657.html Mr. Bad <mr.bad@pigdog.org> Dear Mr. Bad, We will thank you not to bring race into this somewhat delicate matter. The Boob [Editor's PS: That Sierra Nevada you're drinking in your author photo makes you look like a total fucking rocker! ROCK ON, MUTHAFUCKAH!!!] Enjoyed your article of 22 October 1999. Are you a regular writer for Suck? I've been following your other page. Hope you are free to continue using the yellow sub icon. Best wishes, E. Palo <SPELL1322@prodigy.net> Dear E., I am a semiregular writer for Suck, and hope to maintain access to its sharp readership and solvent checking account. As you are probably the only reader of The Boob outside of my immediate family, you have a special claim upon my gratitude as both artist and freak. Just between you, me, and the Mersey Ferry, however, if you run into George Harrison, please don't mention my name. Yours, The Boob Subject: WOW ... Am I the only one who finds the Vietnam/heroin references in your "Greatest Generation" segment today just plain wrong? Jacob Marley <JacobMrley@aol.com> Dear Mr. Marley, Yes, you're the only one. Everyone else here is in favor of heroin and Vietnam. Unless I'm the one who's mistaken — and how likely is that? Yours, The Boob I am a multimedia designer with a satirical bent. Would love to send a ré sumé and some work to you. Is there anyone specific I should contact? Thanks. I particularly liked the Charles Manson segment. Regards, Andre Herzegovitch <andreherz@bio-media.com> Dear Andre, Thanks for the nice words. All such inquiries should be directed to tim@suck.com. But I warn you now that Tim is a hard man, little given to the indulgences of courtiers, satirical or otherwise. I predict a J. Jonah Jameson–style exclamation upon receipt of your ré sumé, which will be counted fortunate if it escapes the fire of Tim's ever-present cigar. Yrs, The Boob |
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