for 5 November 1999. Updated every WEEKDAY.
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History Is Bunko I don't know if you're superstitious but it's generally understood in the circles that I operate in that it's not a good idea to make fun of Charles Manson. I understand the symbolism of the sno-globe, but what's with that weird cat in the background? Is that supposed to be a reference to Kitty Lutesinger? Demmy Rooster Dear Demmy, This advice is well taken, and no doubt an Alan Berg- like fate awaits me at the hands of one of Manson's extended family. As for the cat, you shall know its meaning at the time of my demise, which should be any day now if we are on the same page. The Boob  HAW HAW HAW! "Cutting-edge Web zine" my fat, hairy, white ass! http://www.pigdog.org/auto/ mr_bads_list/shortcolumn/657.html Mr. Bad <mr.bad@pigdog.org> Dear Mr. Bad, We will thank you not to bring race into this somewhat delicate matter. The Boob [Editor's PS: That Sierra Nevada you're drinking in your author photo makes you look like a total fucking rocker! ROCK ON, MUTHAFUCKAH!!!] Enjoyed your article of 22 October 1999. Are you a regular writer for Suck? I've been following your other page. Hope you are free to continue using the yellow sub icon. Best wishes, E. Palo <SPELL1322@prodigy.net> Dear E., I am a semiregular writer for Suck, and hope to maintain access to its sharp readership and solvent checking account. As you are probably the only reader of The Boob outside of my immediate family, you have a special claim upon my gratitude as both artist and freak. Just between you, me, and the Mersey Ferry, however, if you run into George Harrison, please don't mention my name. Yours, The Boob Subject: WOW ... Am I the only one who finds the Vietnam/heroin references in your "Greatest Generation" segment today just plain wrong? Jacob Marley <JacobMrley@aol.com> Dear Mr. Marley, Yes, you're the only one. Everyone else here is in favor of heroin and Vietnam. Unless I'm the one who's mistaken — and how likely is that? Yours, The Boob I am a multimedia designer with a satirical bent. Would love to send a ré sumé and some work to you. Is there anyone specific I should contact? Thanks. I particularly liked the Charles Manson segment. Regards, Andre Herzegovitch <andreherz@bio-media.com> Dear Andre, Thanks for the nice words. All such inquiries should be directed to tim@suck.com. But I warn you now that Tim is a hard man, little given to the indulgences of courtiers, satirical or otherwise. I predict a J. Jonah Jameson–style exclamation upon receipt of your ré sumé, which will be counted fortunate if it escapes the fire of Tim's ever-present cigar. Yrs, The Boob Hit & Run Young Foot Lovers??? The last link on the page ... What the hell did I just look at? Little girls' feet ... WTF This is sick, man, the most twisted, perverted thing I think I've ever seen. Little girls sucking on each others feet, playing at the beach, running around barefoot ... oh shit, I'm getting a hard-on again. Help me Sucksters. Confused and feeling a tad dirty, Christopher Miller <cm007i@mail.rochester.edu> Careful, Chris. If young foot worship is outlawed, it won't go away; it'll just go underground, to the netherworld of back-alley Jellies-sniffing and south-of-the-border bunion removal. the Sucksters Reading up on yet another defeat of campaign finance reform led by Trent Lott, I'm constantly reminded that for a man who hates gays as much as he does, he's one hell of a cocksucker. Practicing safe politics, Steve Gattuso <doodles@primenet.com> Any party that pays to support and maintain a Dick Armey has no business hating gays. the Sucksters Attn: Sucksters! I thought I'd just go ahead and play Colombo myself, as many of the other readers without much of a life to speak of were doing. So, regarding your AllowanceNET.com coverage and mainly Patti's e-retort: I've found that when reading Patti's seemingly somewhat scatter-thoughted letter it becomes much more concise and understandable if one focuses solely on the words Patti chose to write in all capital letters. In this case, the letter reads: BUT GET IT STRAIGHT!!!! FIRST ARE NOT PIE JUST YOU GUYS HIGH-HANDED CAVALIER ASSUME ACTUALLY BOTHERING TO FIND OUT WE GOT LUCKY RIGHT RIGHT MUCH SECOND ZIP OTHER POINTS OF CONTENTION AOL MTV THEIR NICE TOTAL A TAD IS ROCK GIF BTW GREAT THAT AND TOO >From this I made two deductions. (1) Patti should stick to prose. (2) Patti has, unfortunately, given away AllowanceNet.com's secret and highly hidden agenda. It becomes painfully obvious when reading the above text that their organization is of the devil, urging our children to engage in unmarried, homosexual sex. I say we ship the whole of AllowanceNET.com off to good ol' South Carolina, along with Harry Potter, Tinky Winky, and Ellen. Or, if any of 'em are cute we can give 'em my address and ship 'em off to me. Cheers, Raymie S. <smith.3023@osu.edu> Tinky Winky's pretty cute. Learn to make a good Tubby Custard and you might get lucky. the Sucksters I disagree that killing the Feingold/McCain Campaign Finance bill is a mistake. The bill won't solve campaign abuses, and it limits free speech of all but the press, which is why journalists love the bill. The press will be the only ones allowed to comment on a race in the last 90/60 days, and that's when it really matters. The two in the race can bash each other to the extent their public campaign funds allow, but that's not enough — especially for the guy in the race the press and unions are against. The press isn't holy; most sit on their a****, use Wite-Out on the header of the latest press release handed to them by the White House, run it, and call it news. As an individual, I have very little effect on campaigns other than my one vote and $1,000 to my favorite candidate. As a member of a special interest group, I and all those who contribute to the PAC/special interest group, have real clout. We can hire a lobbyist to watch legislation that affects our interest and we can buy campaign ads to effect the election — real power. Money will always be in politics. If you want reform, make all contributions reportable and easy to access so you know who is pulling your politician's chain. Also, raise the individual contribution to $5,000, as $1,000 is way too low to make an impact. T. Jones <trjones@execpc.com> Thanks for your thoughts on campaign finance. We're sure the Republic is a little safer tonight as your $1,000 gets converted into its weight in chocolate candies in the shape of Tom DeLay. the Sucksters |
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