The Fish
for 5 November 1999. Updated every WEEKDAY.
 
Suck Staff
 

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff
Editor in Chief

 

[Tim Cavanaugh]
Tim Cavanaugh
Special Guest Editor

 

Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director

 

[the fixin'
pixie... ]
Emily Hobson
Production Manager
& Rhythm Guitar

 

Heather
Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor

 

[Ian
Connelly]
Ian Connelly
Marketing Manager

 

[Copy Edit]
Erica Gies
&
Merrill Gillaspy

Copy Editors

 

[Phillip Bailey]
Phillip Bailey
Production Editor








	
Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text
 

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman
Co-Founder

 

Ana Marie
Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor

 

Sean (Duuuuude)
Welch
Sean Welch
Suckgineer

 

Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor

 


T. Jay Fowler
Production Manager
& Ass Kicker

 

[yes, it's
a plunger. i'll l
eave the rest up to your imagination ... ]
Erin Coull
Production Manager

 

Monte
Goode
Monte Goode
Ghost in the Machine

 

Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

 

[Brian
Forsyth, " we're just spanning time "]
Brian Forsyth
Production Editor
& Pool Monitor



History Is Bunko

I don't know if you're
superstitious but it's
generally understood in the
circles that I operate in
that it's not a good idea to
make fun of Charles Manson. I
understand the symbolism of
the sno-globe, but what's
with that weird cat in the
background? Is that supposed
to be a reference to Kitty
Lutesinger?

Demmy Rooster

Dear Demmy,

This advice is well taken,
and no doubt an Alan Berg-
like fate awaits me at
the hands of one of Manson's
extended family. As for the
cat, you shall know its
meaning at the time of my
demise, which should be any
day now if we are on the same
page.

The Boob
 
Fish With Letter Icon
 


HAW HAW HAW! "Cutting-edge
Web zine" my fat, hairy, white
ass!

http://www.pigdog.org/auto/
mr_bads_list/shortcolumn/657.html


Mr. Bad
<mr.bad@pigdog.org>

Dear Mr. Bad,

We will thank you not to bring
race into this somewhat delicate
matter.

The Boob

[Editor's PS: That Sierra Nevada
you're drinking in your author photo
makes you look like a total fucking
rocker!
ROCK ON,
MUTHAFUCKAH!!!]
 
Fish With Letter Icon
 


Enjoyed your article of 22
October 1999. Are you a
regular writer for Suck? I've
been following your other
page. Hope you are free to
continue using the yellow sub
icon.

Best wishes,

E. Palo
<SPELL1322@prodigy.net>

Dear E.,

I am a semiregular writer
for Suck, and hope to
maintain access to its sharp
readership and solvent
checking account. As you are
probably the only reader of
The Boob outside of my
immediate family, you have a
special claim upon my
gratitude as both artist and
freak. Just between you, me,
and the Mersey Ferry,
however, if you run into
George Harrison, please don't
mention my name.

Yours,

The Boob
 
Fish With Letter Icon
 


Subject: WOW ...

Am I the only one who finds
the Vietnam/heroin references
in your "Greatest Generation"
segment today just plain
wrong?

Jacob Marley
<JacobMrley@aol.com>

Dear Mr. Marley,

Yes, you're the only one.
Everyone else here is in
favor of heroin and Vietnam.
Unless I'm the one who's
mistaken — and how likely
is that?

Yours,

The Boob
 
Fish With Letter Icon
 


I am a multimedia designer
with a satirical bent. Would
love to send a ré
sumé and some work to
you. Is there anyone specific
I should contact?

Thanks.

I particularly liked the
Charles Manson segment.

Regards,

Andre Herzegovitch
<andreherz@bio-media.com>

Dear Andre,

Thanks for the nice words.
All such inquiries should be
directed to tim@suck.com. But
I warn you now that Tim is a
hard man, little given to the
indulgences of courtiers,
satirical or otherwise. I
predict a J. Jonah
Jameson–style exclamation
upon receipt of your
ré sumé, which
will be counted fortunate if
it escapes the fire of Tim's
ever-present cigar.

Yrs,

The Boob
 
Fish With Letter Icon
 


Hit & Run

Young Foot Lovers???

The last link on the page ...

What the hell did I just look
at?

Little girls' feet ... WTF

This is sick, man, the most
twisted, perverted thing I
think I've ever seen. Little
girls sucking on each others
feet, playing at the beach,
running around barefoot ...
oh shit, I'm getting a
hard-on again. Help me
Sucksters.

Confused and feeling a tad
dirty,

Christopher Miller
<cm007i@mail.rochester.edu>

Careful, Chris. If young foot
worship is outlawed, it won't
go away; it'll just go
underground, to the
netherworld of back-alley
Jellies-sniffing and
south-of-the-border bunion
removal.

the Sucksters
 
Fish With Letter Icon
 


Reading up on yet another
defeat of campaign finance
reform led by Trent Lott, I'm
constantly reminded that for
a man who hates gays as much
as he does, he's one hell of
a cocksucker.

Practicing safe politics,

Steve Gattuso
<doodles@primenet.com>

Any party that pays to
support and maintain a Dick
Armey has no business hating
gays.

the Sucksters
 
Fish With Letter Icon
 


Attn: Sucksters!

I thought I'd just go ahead
and play Colombo myself, as
many of the other readers
without much of a life to
speak of were doing. So,
regarding your
AllowanceNET.com coverage
and mainly Patti's e-retort:
I've found that when reading
Patti's seemingly somewhat
scatter-thoughted letter it
becomes much more concise and
understandable if one focuses
solely on the words Patti
chose to write in all capital
letters. In this case, the
letter reads:

BUT GET IT STRAIGHT!!!! FIRST
ARE NOT PIE JUST YOU GUYS
HIGH-HANDED CAVALIER ASSUME
ACTUALLY BOTHERING TO FIND
OUT WE GOT LUCKY RIGHT RIGHT
MUCH SECOND ZIP OTHER POINTS
OF CONTENTION AOL MTV THEIR
NICE TOTAL A TAD IS ROCK GIF
BTW GREAT THAT AND TOO

>From this I made two
deductions.

(1) Patti should stick to
prose.

(2) Patti has, unfortunately,
given away AllowanceNet.com's
secret and highly hidden
agenda. It becomes painfully
obvious when reading the
above text that their
organization is of the devil,
urging our children to engage
in unmarried, homosexual sex.

I say we ship the whole of
AllowanceNET.com off to good
ol' South Carolina, along
with Harry Potter, Tinky
Winky, and Ellen. Or, if any
of 'em are cute we can give
'em my address and ship 'em
off to me.

Cheers,

Raymie S.
<smith.3023@osu.edu>

Tinky Winky's pretty cute.
Learn to make a good Tubby
Custard and you might get
lucky.

the Sucksters
 
Fish With Letter Icon
 


I disagree that killing the
Feingold/McCain Campaign
Finance bill is a mistake.
The bill won't solve campaign
abuses, and it limits free speech
of all but the press, which
is why journalists love the
bill. The press will be the
only ones allowed to comment
on a race in the last 90/60
days, and that's when it
really matters. The two in
the race can bash each other
to the extent their public
campaign funds allow, but
that's not enough —
especially for the guy in the
race the press and unions are
against. The press isn't
holy; most sit on their a****,
use Wite-Out on the
header of the latest press
release handed to them by the
White House, run it, and call
it news.

As an individual, I have very
little effect on campaigns
other than my one vote and
$1,000 to my favorite
candidate. As a member of a
special interest group, I and
all those who contribute to
the PAC/special interest
group, have real clout. We
can hire a lobbyist to watch
legislation that affects our
interest and we can buy
campaign ads to effect the
election — real power.

Money will always be in
politics. If you want reform,
make all contributions
reportable and easy to access
so you know who is pulling
your politician's chain.
Also, raise the individual
contribution to $5,000, as
$1,000 is way too low to make
an impact.

T. Jones
<trjones@execpc.com>

Thanks for your thoughts on
campaign finance. We're sure
the Republic is a little
safer tonight as your $1,000
gets converted into its
weight in chocolate candies
in the shape of Tom DeLay.

the Sucksters
 
Fish With Letter Icon
 

 The Shit
Seeing Calvin Coolidge in a Dream, John Derbyshire, St. Martin's Press, 1996
Peekaboo's Masks, 2492 Van Ness Avenue, San Francisco
West Beirut, director Ziad Doueiri, 1999
"The Smartest Cartoonist on Earth," Daniel K. Raeburn, The Imp, Vol. 1/No. 3, 1999
Mad Monster Party, Rankin/Bass Productions, VHS, Deluxo & Black Bear Press, 1967/1999
The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Alan Moore and Kevin O'Neill, America's Best Comics, 1999
Hermenaut No. 15: "The Fake Authenticity Issue," editor Joshua Glenn, summer 1999
Guillow's Sky Streak rubber-powered balsa-wood glider (without landing gear)
Webvan
Very Emergency, Promise Ring, Jade Tree, 1999
Mean Magazine No. 5, summer 1999
Slickaphonics, Replikants, KillRockStars/Rue St. Germaine, 1999
"Cash, Interesting, Summer Holiday", The Young Ones, Foxvideo (BBC Video), 1988
Driver (PSX), GT Interactive, 1999

Little link
to Suck
Arrow Image
 
Contacting Us
Contributors Index
Little Barrel Link
Net.Moguls
Little Gun Link
A
machine producing Suck
Link To Tech Notes