for 2 November 1999. Updated every WEEKDAY.
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Long Live the King "Second, he was embraced by the French — no less a has-been than Jean-Luc Godard called Jerry 'the only American director who has made progressive films.'" Hey! That's not fair! It's also untrue. But I agree with all the other stuff. All right? Gary Elshaw <godard@hotmail.com> You claim the Godard quote is untrue? I found it in a respected Jerry biography from a major publisher, and surely their quality control wouldn't let such a thing go by. Thanks for your other kind words. Best, Eugen  Nice. Very nice. Of course, it does beg the question of what he should do. You've got to hunt for it, of course, but in fact (with the right director and script) Jerry Lewis can act. He's an entertainer and a pro — that's what he does. Sure, he could direct. He could produce. He could retire. But actors act; that's what they do. Give him credit for wanting to be what he is. He can't do the kind of physical comedy he invented, so what should he do? While you're at it, you might come up with a future for Jonathan Winters, surely one of the funniest men who ever lived, and even for Mel Brooks. If comedy is a young man's game — and it certainly seems to be — we need a better place than the Friars Club to put our old comics in. Alan S. Kornheiser <ASKornheiser@prodigy.net> If I could come up with a Better Tomorrow for Jerry, Jonathan, or Mel, I'd be a more powerful being than God. And then I'd be able to answer all my email simultaneously. Best, Eugen I just want to know why Suck seems to have such a great disliking for Lenny Bruce, but throws laurels around the neck of The Bellboy for doing everything badly first. <pwrmeasap@ yahoo.com> Because he's not funny? Cordially, Eugen So you listen to Stern, eh? <BlakeB.bpd@ci.boston.ma.us> Sometimes. Hey, did you hear he and Alison are getting divorced? Best, Eugen Subject: Jerry vs. Steve Impressive list of Jerry Lewis' accomplishments in today's Suck. But he still hasn't created as much — and with as much originality — as Steve Allen has. Ya know, maybe Steverino also doesn't get the same respect as Andy, Lenny, and Gilda because he's still alive. Jim Burrill <jimburr@hotbot.com> At last notice, the accounts of Steverino's "aliveness" had been greatly exaggerated. Mr. M Manhattan Project Holly, It's indicative of just how screwed up things are in Gotham when the controversy there over an art exhibit echoes something that happened in Cincinnati a decade ago (the Robert Mapplethorpe exhibit brouhaha). Mark Twain must be spinning in his grave. Sucking in Southern Ohio, Tony Nowikowski <tony@nowikowski.com> Actually, Gotham also managed to rip off Ohio's punk rock props back in the day, since the Pere Ubu/Tin Huey/Rubber City Rebels nexus antedated the much-ballyhooed CBGB's din kicked up by Blondie, Talking Heads, et al. (though the Ramones remain, as ever, unsullied by the plodding linear march of history and the company they were forced to keep). But this birthright has been squandered by the unsightly Cleveland siting of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum, proving that no region is finally immune from the scourge of virtual history — or the giddy placelessness of sports fandom. Holly Martins It's been two years since I lived there, but that hurt! I'm assuming you've never lived there ... or you might think otherwise. Dennis Dennis Smith <DSMITH@kmd-arch.com> It's been more than two years I have lived here, and many more that I've wrestled with its Macy's parade–scale inflated sense of self-worth. There are, to be sure, many virtues to the place, but they tend to wilt in the face of desperate sports fandom and the special pleading foisted on a hapless nation by everyone from Woody Allen to Regis Philbin. Chicago is, for my money, a far more agreeable town, and manages to forgo such strenuous theatrics; people actually enjoy living there without constantly advertising the fact of doing so as a great life accomplishment. And, not coincidentally, on the rare occasions when the city's baseball franchises find themselves in postseason play, they do the gentlemanly thing and promptly collapse. Go, uh, Cubs, Holly Martins Holly, I left New York for San Francisco precisely because of the Nazi in Gracie Mansion and his black-shirted police force, which combined rather poorly with the general anschluss of Gotham's grit and attitude, leaving me with a sense of impending riot and mayhem. It saddens me to hear that 12 billion souls could be put and kept in their places by the husband of a DJ. One would have thought that most of NYC's "issues" were the result of so many bullies in the school, not just the want of a better school marm. Mind you, SF's mayor is no better. Here's to the joy of a decent economic depression that will bring both cities back to their '70s glory and pride. Faithfully yours, Bill Bailey <arkouda@doxos.com> Oddly, it comforts me to reflect that, their many trials notwithstanding, New Yorkers would seem to have, let's see, roughly 1,777 souls apiece. When all else fails, after all, we New Yorkers can always fall back on our intense spirituality. I must say, however, that unsightly as our own mayor is, the Nazi analogies strike me as a tad, shall we say, overblown. It's true he's never seen a vicious cop he didn't like, and nary a street vendor or cabbie he did, but the knee-jerk, virulent demonization of the guy seems to be a weird form of Upper West Side catharthis for catharthis' sake. It would be much more convincing, in any event, if our sage liberal Democrat braintrust could manage something like a serious political challenge to him and all he stands for. Somehow the notion that Mark Green would seize the reins of municipal power thanks to a Giuliani putsch in the Senate is akin to, well, celebrating the Yankees' elevation into World Series glory after a long series of bad umpiring calls in their favor. As for the specter of depression and riots, it's the nature of the new Gotham beast that the depression would likely be triggered by a long-overdue correction in sports-merchandising futures. And the riots would be supplied, of course, by cops and NASDAQ day traders. Holly Martins "Omnientertainment state a paying proposition in the longest peacetime boom in American history." Pardon me? Peacetime boom? Maybe therein lies the problem — the last time I looked, the US of Eh (still) spends more on its military than all of its enemies combined. Weren't Americans just directly involved in Iraq and Kosovo (and oddly, not in Timor or "Kurdistan")? Canadians are apparently pacific, but maybe New York will start a trend. Learn to love being Canadian ... learn to love Big Brother. Martin Koldijk (Rhymes withchilly les) <01140759@3web.net> Well, I grant that war is simply an economic stimulus by other means, but I still cling to the old-fashioned notion that wars are, you know, things that involve massive movements of troops over long stretches of time. And are sometimes even declared. But I'm sure all these disputations will be rendered merely semantic once we start raining our retribution on the shifty enemy on the other side of the Maple Leaf curtain — unless, of course, plans proceed apace to relocate Yankee Stadium in Toronto. Holly Martins WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU? THE MEDIA CALLED IT THE WAR IN KOSOVO; EVERYONE CALLED IT A WAR BUT THE GOVERNMENTS BECAUSE THEY WENT AROUND THE PROCESS OF FORMALLY DECLARING A WAR AND CALLED IT A NATO EXERCISE BUT IT WAS A WAR ALL THE SAME. THESE ARE THE SAME SEMANTICS THAT GOT THE United States IN VIETNAM FOR (APPROX.) 10 YEARS. AS FAR AS I KNOW, EVERYONE CALLED IT THE VIETNAM WAR BUT THE POLITICIANS NEVER CALLED IT SUCH. HA HA, YOU'LL FIND THAT THE United States ALREADY OWNS ALMOST EVERY SQUARE METER OF CANADA ANYWAY — INVADING US WOULD BE POINTLESS. WHY INVADE WHEN YOU OWN EVERYTHING IN THE COUNTRY YOU ARE INVADING? BESIDES, AMERICANS ARE JUST DECADENT SUBURBANS WHO COULDN'T FIGHT A SERIOUS CONFLICT IF THEIR LIVES COUNTED ON IT. FINALLY, SINCE WHEN DID SOME PUSSY LIBERALS LIKE YOURSELF BECOME SO MILITARISTIC? HAVE YOU EVER HAD ANY MILITARY TRAINING? I HAVE. BEING A SOLDIER IS SERIOUS BUSINESS. IF YOU WANT TO GRAB A RIFLE AND HUNT ME DOWN, GO FOR IT. I WOULD EXPECT NOTHING LESS FROM A VIOLENT AMERICAN BULLY (COLUMBINE, ETC.). YOU PEOPLE ARE VIOLENT AND DISGUSTING. ONCE YOU'VE FINISHED KILLING EACH OTHER OFF THEN MAYBE YOU'LL INVADE CANADA. TRUE NORTH STRONG AND FREE. MARTIN KOLDIJK <0114059@3web.net> Oh my. I was merely attempting to observe long-established Suck protocol by tweaking Canadians with stereotypical, boorish US élan. Little did I guess how dangerous a pastime this could prove to be — even for someone like myself, who is simultaneously a pussy liberal, a decadent suburbanite, and a disgusting, violent Littleton commando. I have every reason to credit and honor your own military training, and withdraw my prior misguided sport-making on the grounds that this would seem to be the very sort of exchange that fuels passions in these things known as "wars." Holly Martins Subject: NYC doesn't suck that much ... ... given the alternatives. Drew Robertson <atlantic@ abslive.com> The alternatives being what? Newark and Wilmington? Holly Martins |
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