The Fish
for 19 October 1999. Updated every WEEKDAY.
 
Suck Staff
 

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff
Editor in Chief

 

[Tim Cavanaugh]
Tim Cavanaugh
Special Guest Editor

 

Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director

 

[the fixin'
pixie... ]
Emily Hobson
Production Manager
& Rhythm Guitar

 

Heather
Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor

 

[Ian
Connelly]
Ian Connelly
Marketing Manager

 

[Copy Edit]
Erica Gies
&
Merrill Gillaspy

Copy Editors

 

[Phillip Bailey]
Phillip Bailey
Production Editor








	
Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text
 

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman
Co-Founder

 

Ana Marie
Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor

 

Sean (Duuuuude)
Welch
Sean Welch
Suckgineer

 

Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor

 


T. Jay Fowler
Production Manager
& Ass Kicker

 

[yes, it's
a plunger. i'll l
eave the rest up to your imagination ... ]
Erin Coull
Production Manager

 

Monte
Goode
Monte Goode
Ghost in the Machine

 

Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

 

[Brian
Forsyth, " we're just spanning time "]
Brian Forsyth
Production Editor
& Pool Monitor

Steve-olution

Rumor has it that the
real reason Mr. M. objects to
Steverino is that Steve
failed to hook him up with
Ann Jillian. Perhaps Mr. M.
can write a song in
opposition to Steverino as he
laments a past without Ann
Jillian.

<sales@moxel.com>

In fact, Mr. M. — who,
like Steverino, often brings
tape recorders into the
bathroom where he often finds
raw material for the
75 (?) projects he works
on simultaneously — once
wrote an entire opera based
on A Man Called Dagger while
in a Kalamazoo, Michigan,
hotel lobby largely populated
by attendees of an Ann
Jillian fan convention.

Modestly,

Mr. M.
 
Fish With Letter Icon
 


Aloha.

Your site was recommended by
some friends of mine. They
have the kinds of
personalities that keep
people at a quivering five-meter
distance. This is convenient
on crowded buses.

So, these friends told me
about Suck. Now, as a typical
product of our judgmental and
superficial culture, I
mentally classified the site
as Bizarre, or perhaps even
Vulgar, because my friends
are weird and obviously must
have weird tastes. Then
again, I had been lured by
such advocations from said
friends to Rotten.com and
other brutally unpleasant
places.

Perhaps it would be prudent
to mention I only use the
term "brutally unpleasant" in
very extreme cases, like for
Rotten.com, Ricky Martin, and
my overbearing grandparents.
So you understand my feelings
about this matter.

Anyway, I kept away from Suck
for a number of reasons,
until a sudden wave of
uncontrollable testosterone
fueled me one evening while I
was alone studying. With
almost fervent madness I
logged on to get that which I
had been avoiding with
disillusioned repulsion.

Under the circumstances that
brought me to you, I must say
I was quite disappointed.

Seriously, though, I am
impressed with your site. I
can't say I've been there
often, but it's got lots of
pretty pictures, and nobody
appreciates lots of pretty
pictures like the average
illiterate American.

Just thought I'd express my
interest in your work, guys.
Nice job. It's definitely new
stuff for me.

Robert Fillingham
<magicfrogX@hotmail.com>

It may be new for you,
Robert, but that doesn't mean
you won't develop your skills
and learn to love it. Just
focus and stay patient with
yourself, and eventually
you'll be plowing through
everything from bad greeting
cards to warning labels.
Remember, reading is
fundamental!

Sucksters
 
Fish With Letter Icon
 


Y'know, somebody on the
Thomas Pynchon mailing list
(pynchon-l@waste.org) just
started muttering about how
Yet Another Fucking List of
Putatively "Important" Books
has floated to the surface,
this one being from
Amazon.com. This
Pynchon-lister said "blah
blah woof woof" about it,
which is cool. Still, he's
kinda irked that William
Gaddis didn't make the list,
but nobody really cares about
authors I haven't read, and I
haven't read Gaddis, so who
cares? I got to thinking, you
know, like, those moronic
lists really suck, and Suck
should do one. It would suck.

You suck, I suck, he/she/it
sucks, S. J. Perelman didn't
suck, but he's dead,

Zoltan Magnifico Typhoon
<zoltan_magnifico_typhoon@yahoo.com>

Nice conjugation skills!
Starting with Thomas Pynchon
might not be the best move,
though. Have you considered
getting on a Judy Blume or
Sweet Valley High mailing
list for starters?

We do care about the books
you haven't read. We really
do care, so keep on reading!

Reading is fun. And mental.
And fundamental. Woohoo!

Sucksters
 
Fish With Letter Icon
 
Caveat Expert

Well, being the techno-boring
guy that I am, I'd like to
point out that hypertext
markup language was actually
invented so as to more or
less obviate traditional
citation by linking directly
to the primary source or
citation. To wit, citation is
the whole point of HTML,
current abuses
notwithstanding.

NATO
<hyperman@gte.net>

I do agree with you. However,
have you seen the MLA's
recommendations on citing
hypertext documents or
including hyperlinked
citation on a page? If
anything, hypertext was a
goner from the word go.
There's too much brand-name
recognition invested in a
visible citation list for
academics to willingly do the
logical thing and create a
contextual web of knowledge.

Best,

Vixel Pixen
 
Fish With Letter Icon
 


Steve-olution

Hey, anyone who puts out as
much as Steve Allen outputs
has got to produce a little
garbage once in a while. And
besides, we don't know if he
even wrote the article about
TV content, or just sold his
name. Of course, he's always
been the liberal's liberal,
since 1964 when he wrote his
smarmy "Open Letter to a
Conservative" in opposition
to the Goldwater campaign.
But look, any guy who thinks
he can speak for Napoleon,
Julius Caesar, and Marie
Antoinette just shouldn't be
taken seriously anyway.

Still, I enjoyed your
article.

Bob Benz
<robert.f.benz@worldnet.att.net>

Hey, I talk to Julius Caesar
all the time — he was the
original inspiration for A
Man Called Dagger, BTW. But,
BB, you got it all wrong. It
isn't that prolific Steve
— the same man who once
wrote a symphony orchestra
while bear-hunting with Teddy
Roosevelt in a Kalamazoo,
Michigan, bed and breakfast
— occasionally puts out
crapola. It's that prolific
Steve—the same man who
once nominated his wife's
sister, Jayne "Alice Kramden"
Meadows, for membership in
the Raccoon Lodge while
writing six songs
simultaneously (one by each
toe on his left foot) —
only puts out crap. He's
throwing the curve on
Sturgeon's Law, by which 90
percent of everything is
crap.

Mr. M.
 
Fish With Letter Icon
 


Wow ... a shocker. When I saw
the title, I thought
reflexively, "Steve Forbes,"
because that is exactly the
kind of crap he's been up to
lately. I nearly jumped out
of my seat when I discovered
that it was Steve Allen.

As I recall, this is the same
Steve Allen who wrote a book
called Dumbth, the gist of
which was his trust in the
Viewing Public to determine
Right from Wrong. I guess he
had a change of heart, natch.

Christopher Driskell
<casaubon@ compuex.com>

It's one thing to trust the
public to know right from
wrong when they still
remember who you are. It's
another thing to trust them
when they can't remember
whether Steve Allen is the
man who once wrote personal
theme songs for 25,000
migrant workers at a
Kalamazoo, Michigan, Black
Mass or if he is the same man
who played Benny Goodman in
the Knute Rockne Story. In
either case, it's clear that
the public be damned.

Mr. M.
 
Fish With Letter Icon
 

 The Shit
Seeing Calvin Coolidge in a Dream, John Derbyshire, St. Martin's Press, 1996
Peekaboo's Masks, 2492 Van Ness Avenue, San Francisco
West Beirut, director Ziad Doueiri, 1999
"The Smartest Cartoonist on Earth," Daniel K. Raeburn, The Imp, Vol. 1/No. 3, 1999
Mad Monster Party, Rankin/Bass Productions, VHS, Deluxo & Black Bear Press, 1967/1999
The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Alan Moore and Kevin O'Neill, America's Best Comics, 1999
Hermenaut No. 15: "The Fake Authenticity Issue," editor Joshua Glenn, summer 1999
Guillow's Sky Streak rubber-powered balsa-wood glider (without landing gear)
Webvan
Very Emergency, Promise Ring, Jade Tree, 1999
Mean Magazine No. 5, summer 1999
Slickaphonics, Replikants, KillRockStars/Rue St. Germaine, 1999
"Cash, Interesting, Summer Holiday", The Young Ones, Foxvideo (BBC Video), 1988
Driver (PSX), GT Interactive, 1999

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