for 7 October 1999. Updated every WEEKDAY.
|
|
Hit & Run When I first heard this story, I was an undergraduate at Harvard in 1971. In that version, the great philosopher and theorist William James had just given a lecture on the universe when the old lady gave him the real explanation (turtles). I don't think Stephen Hawking was on anyone's radar in 1971. I suppose most folks today (even Suck readers) would have no idea who William James was, so the identity of the lecturer had to be changed. whbarrett <whbarrett@email.msn.com> Oh, stick a sock in that "Most folks today would have no idea" business, Mr. Harvard. As it happens, Hawking himself attributes the story to Bertrand Russell, who in turn probably said it happened to Henri Bergson. This is what passes for urban myth in the Ivy League. But then, maybe that was your point. Next question: Although we didn't actually go to Ivy League schools, could you pull some strings to get us admitted to the Old Boy Network? As mascots or something? Yr pal, BarTel  But Love Story is an awful, awful movie! Shouldn't somebody tell him this? Drew Bell <droob@earthlink.net> It's the thought that counts. I find his standing up to the hecklers commendable, though of course, it would have been better if he'd been standing up for Danger: Diabolik or an Andy Hardy classic. Yr pal, BarTel Sucksters, Last week I bought For Common Things and, like you, was perplexed by how the subtitle and the contents of the book are remarkably different. However, in defense of the young Purdy, Daniel Goldhagen, author of Hitler's Willing Executioners which was also published by Knopf, faced a similar problem. In the jacket description of the book, a too enthusiastic editor described the book as the first to condemn ordinary Germans. Hardly, but it may be the last. Goldhagen, on the tour of the book, was chastised for the description — which he, like Purdy, lamely explained. It seems that the marketing department of Knopf, ever eager to sell intellectual, gritty books as if they were bestsellers, seems to either not actually read the books or is satisfied by the 25-words-or-less description that the sophomore-at-Fordham intern has provided. As Always, The Samerri <crumb@ix.netcom.com> Well it probably wasn't the first. I saw a circa-1945 newsreel on Turner Classic Movies where the point was basically, "Now that we've beaten the Germans, let's annihilate them before they can do it again — and don't kid yourselves, they will." But really, if everybody were as strict as you, the slogan for Jakob the Liar would have to read, "The Stand-Up-and-Cheer Holocaust comedy of [the second half of] the year!" Yr pal, BarTel Admittedly, I've never seen the script. All I've heard about it is from The Howard Show, and I don't get the "Shoah business" reference at the end. But from what I can tell, all you're trying to say about this movie is that it's not that bad and it's too easy to make fun of. But you've only read the script. How can you say that Shearer's "long run of laughter" at the movie is unjust? You've not even seen it! Darren Hertell <darren@yack.com> PS Big fan, big fan. I'm not so sure Harry Shearer has seen it, given that he is very cagey about giving any actual details about the movie and always falls back on the same joke — "Can you believe they made a movie about a clown in a concentration camp?" Well, yes, we can believe it, and we can even believe that movie could be a heartwarming Oscar magnet. The point is, the joke's over. It's time to stop picking on Jerry Lewis. Yr pal, BarTel My first reaction on reading your 23 September quickie on the slayings of churchgoers was what, for want of a better term, I'll call abject horror. It brought to mind some poor, 17-year-old schmuck who stood up to be part of a magic act, only to find himself actually skewered when they put him into the box. As horrifying as that image was, I did find some small solace in this: Psychologists tell us (and we believe every word!) that spree killers go on their rampages because they're starved for attention and that, in a strange way, going out to off a few folks in a Quikie-Mart is the best way to get it. How frustrating must it have been for Ashbrook, who in his last desperate play for some air time, had trouble even convincing people that anything real was taking place? Samuel Leibowitz <sleibowitz@btcwcu.org> Serves the bastard right. Considering how many ways there are to get attention — kidnapping supermodels and then pretending to rescue them, coming forward as George W.'s coke buddy from way back when, destroying New York and Paris and London with a death ray — spree killing shows a pretty stunted imagination. Yr pal, BarTel IPO'd That article rocked! As a member of a prepublic company, I well know how many people are planning to ride a shiny new Mercedes into the sunset. And yet, aren't the cynical among us waiting with perverse anticipation for the whole thing to fall about our ears? It's nice to hear the story Newsweek doesn't tell you. Beth Morgan <bmorgan@digital-impact.com> You might want to warn them: sometimes the sunset is a plywood backdrop. But, believe me, the pleasure of saying "I told you so" is a muted one at best, especially when it can't be heard above the rending of cloth. An Entirely Other Greg Great Suck. Incidentally, usually some junior associate at the law firm representing the underwriter is the one who is supposed to register the ticker symbol with Nasdaq. Nasdaq used to require all kinds of notice, but now they just need, like, 24 hours. Hence, there's probably some lawyer out there in the Valley with ears singed from fiery partner breath, briefcase weighed down with a pink slip, and serious doubt as to how to pay his or her $2,000-a-month rent on Potrero Hill. You can call that justice and be consoled or add it to the personal fortune death toll of an IPO gone wrong. I'm not sure the Valley rewards merit anymore (if it ever did), but it still punishes a lack of it. Antoun Nabhan <anabhan@law.harvard.edu> If only. That someone who can't be bothered to flip the most important switch on the most important day of the offering managed to get into a position where he could screw up that badly — without anyone looking over his shoulder — is an embarrassment verging on the satiric. But it's also pretty typical. An Entirely Other Greg Subject: Re: IPOs (And How They) Suck Interesting column. Hey, look on the bright side — at least you went public. I worked at an information retrieval/knowledge management startup for a couple of years. We had lots of promise and great technology, but we burned through the VC cash and got sold. None of the employees got any kind of return on their options. When this happened after I worked startup hours for about a year and a half, I came to some realizations about startups similar to yours. Now I work 9 to 5 (except for crisis mode, but that's not every day anymore) and collect the paycheck. I still want to try my luck with a startup again, but at least I'll know a little more going into it this time and be able to balance the myths with the realities, hopefully without being too bitter. :) I assume you read Po Bronson's article about startup employees in the recent issue of Wired? It was a good reality check. Of course, my friend left the company we were working for, moved to Santa Barbara, and started working for a messaging products company that went public recently and is now trading at around 50. I guess it's time to pack my car and head to California. Craig Thrall <craig@thrall.net> I believe it's the Chinese who say, "A successful friend is a curse, because he will cause you to spend your days wondering, 'Why not me? Huh? I mean, why not?' and farting away what is probably a good job for some stupid, million-to-one shot." An Entirely Other Greg Tech Support Bill of Rights Hi Suck. I work in telephone tech support for a major computer manufacturer. I have a few pointers for your readers about phone support: 1. We do not care how long you have been on hold. 2. A hardware technician will not help you with outlook. 3. Call in for a single issue at a time. 4. Do not ask a series of unrelated questions or talk about things unrelated to your computer. 5. Don't annoy the technician or you may be put back on hold. And there are a couple of other things to bear in mind: We get rated by our call times. If your call is finished quickly, you are more likely to get better support. Also, not all technicians are überusers, but you did call us for our help. Please be courteous. It makes our job nicer, making it easier for us to be nicer to you. Feeling so disgruntled that I may apply for a job with the postal service, Joel Mcgrady <capttwinky@yahoo.com> We don't doubt that there's nothing worse than sitting on the phone all day, pretending to care about idiotic customers' problems, but see, that's your job. We suggest you look into other career possibilities. the Sucksters |
|
||||||||||||||||||
 |
||||||||||||||||||||
   |
||||||||||||||||||||
 |  |
|||||||||||||||||||
 |   | |||||||||||||||||||
![[Tim Cavanaugh]](/fish/staff/images/tim.gif)
![[the fixin'
pixie... ]](/fish/staff/images/emily.gif)
![[Ian
Connelly]](/fish/staff/images/ian.gif){kind=small}
![[Copy Edit]](/fish/staff/images/copyeditors.gif){kind=small}
![[Phillip Bailey]](/fish/staff/images/phil.gif){kind=small}
![[yes, it's
a plunger. i'll l
eave the rest up to your imagination ... ]](/fish/staff/images/erin.gif){kind=small}
![[Brian
Forsyth, " we're just spanning time "]](/fish/staff/images/brian.gif)