for 24 September 1999. Updated every WEEKDAY.
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The Announcement
Subject: Fine uncut what? Dear James (if that is your
Isn't the phrase "fine, uncut
Hoping you lose that
Geoff L. Burpee
Dear Geoff: James Bong is not my real
As for where I got the "fine,
Totally, like, wasted, James  Subject: Coming Clean
J. B., Bravo. Great piece. Puts the
Since The Day the Earth Stood
I hope that if I am the 500th
Charlie Flink
Charlie, Don't they give you enough
Go Dartmouth! James Subject: Cherry Hill? Hey Bong, Great article. Are you from
Keep up the sarcasm. Steve Z.
Steve, I am not, nor have I ever
Damn you, Cherry Hill, New
Note to editors: Please do
James Subject: All the King's Men Sucksters, Today's column,
Alan Kornheiser for King!
Thinking up a catchier
Alexandra Sarkozy
Kornheiser may talk about
Though you wouldn't want to
James Bong forever,
James Subject: Suck, 13 September
Hey, Sucksters, Good column, once in a while
Phil King
Have you ever been called a
Best, James Subject: Considering the
... for groundswell
William Brine
Bill, I am seriously considering
My best wishes to you and
Your faithful servant, James Just thought I'd point out
<graeme@anarkhia.dhs.org> Figures. Dirty immigrant. My
Oh, say can you see ... James Hit & Run Hey Sucksters, Thanks for the link back to Tattoo Jew. It's helping our hit rate immensely. Great column. Speaking of parody (here comes a plug), have you seen It Could Have Been a Wonderful Life? I also enjoyed your piece on the man who portrays Franklin. I live with a deconstructionist historian who is constantly pissing me off via her continual critiques of Franklin's sexual politics, which seems to me to be missing the point of the man by a very wide margin. Anyway, it's good to read about someone with some genuine reverence for a people's hero. Thanks. All the best, Ray Staar <tattoo@tattoojew.com> Your live-in deconstructionist is constantly critiquing Ben Franklin's sexual politics? There's a citizen who's not afraid to grapple with the important issues of our day. Yr pal, BarTel I know it's not likely you'll be doing another Hit and Run on a founding-father impersonator anytime soon, but if you do, give this jackass a try: http://www.th-jefferson.org/. He has a weekly television show (The Thomas Jefferson Hour, produced here in Reno) in which he "assumes the persona" of our slave-schtupping prez and answers questions about "his" life, modern-day politics, and how civilization is in decline because kids aren't reading Thackeray and don't appreciate a third-rate university professor dressed up in a bad wig. It's painfully bad, but I guess if Jefferson really was an insufferably arrogant prick he's doing a good job. Once I saw him at a local supermarket arguing with a cashier over the price of grapes. I'm still not sure if he was being Thomas Jefferson at the time. He also claims on his Web site that he does impersonations of Robert Oppenheimer. Your column's usually not as boring as work, so I read it almost every day. Keep on sucking. Ben Shefftz <shefftzb@ally.com> The best part of Clay Jenkinson's site is when he boasts, "He was the chief 'talking head' in Ken Burns' documentary on Thomas Jefferson." We'd love to see his impersonation of Chief Talking Head, the legendary Indian leader. If he really does stay in character as Jefferson, he deserves a Congressional Medal of Valor. We're still steamed that Nick Nolte and Ken White Shadow Howard didn't make hard-core Jefferson portrayals their permanent careers. Sucksters The person who pulls your latte at Starbucks is called a barista. The person who takes your money is a cashier. They keep the clerks in the basement and nobody gets mad at them but their bosses. <VSolomon@ milbank.com> I thought the barista was the Starbucks employee who wears a powdered wig and says, "You shall be taken from this chamber to a place of execution and hanged by the neck until dead!" You learn something new every day! Yr pal, BarTel The Announcement Subject: An honest politician If there were more speeches like this one in politics — on the local, state, or national level — I might be convinced to go out and vote for the first time in my 35 years. Of course, I'd have to register first, but this is San Francisco, and I'm sure it's just a matter of paying someone enough money. Mind you, I'm still not certain why anyone would sleep with a politician. I have yet to see an attractive one other than Governor Ventura. Bill Bailey <arkouda@doxos.com> You think Jesse "The Belly" Ventura is attractive? Interesting. But I'm glad you're behind me and my candidacy, er, so to speak. See you at Hef's grotto, come the weekend after Election Day 2000? James I saw your site — excellent. How about putting my icon for the favorites icon in IE? It will also show on the address line when people see your site. When you see it you will know the reason. Help stop the suffering. If you want to see how it appears in the address line, go to this URL: http://fbox.vt.edu:10021/org/ NORML/. All you have to do is put the favicon.ico file in your Web page directory. Thanks. A legally prescribed marijuana patient in Virginia, Jim <jim@ rileynet.com> Help stop the suffering? Amen to that. How about the suffering I go through when I see a movie like The Matrix or The Sixth Sense and I'm not under the influence of marijuana, legally prescribed or otherwise?! Now that's suffering! See you on the campaign trail. Best, James |
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