for 10 September 1999. Updated every WEEKDAY.
|
|
More Insults! Subject: Get a life. I've lived like a monk for years because of depression, and you need Prozac worse than me. Being cynical stopped being
 Hey, I love your articles and comments, but really, do you feel the need to just insult for the hell of it? I mean, really, why is Garth Brooks a stooge? Because it is cool to insult a country artist? I hope you're above doing what's cool. Geez, isn't that what you do when you're um, 12? Peter Spaziano <joeypasta@hotmail.com> Have you ever noticed that your name has the word spaz in it? Have an awesome summer vacation! Stay sweet! the Sucksters Suckiversary Subject: Fourth Suckiversary When Suck was born, I was about to reenter college after taking a year "off" at the request of the dean. I was 21. I hated the school's administration, my parents, myself, my girlfriend, the government, society, religion, fly fishing, and the media. Especially the media. Two years later I started reading Suck on a dare from a former friend. Now I hate everything. Good job, Sucksters. As H. Anson Lang once said, "Let's keep the party going." Michael Clausen <mclausen@illusionfusion.com> Thank you, Michael. Rest assured that other heartwarming stories just like yours keep pouring in by the minute. Happy fourth anniversary! I've enjoyed reading your vitriolic commentary on the wackiness of postmodern culture ever since stumbling across your Ugly American Hit and Run, whenever that was. Why are there 29-cent stamps on these postcards? Postcards only need 20 cents of postage. No wonder it took you so long to start making money. Love and rickets, Jason Reynolds <the-finch@>angelfire.com> Way to support your local post office, buddy. Why do you think those poor mailmen and women are so disgruntled? Because they're underpaid. We aim to do whatever we can to ease their pain. The term "going postal" gained widespread popularity thanks to people like you. Going postal, the Sucksters Filler: Writers Who Think Polly, Your email address best summarizes — in Arnold action speech — today's column: polly suck. Maybe ... I don't know ... call me Al Gore ... but it seems to me that you're trying to be funny. Right? I'm sure it's difficult to produce one column every three or four days. (You have a life, too, right?) But, uh, maybe, I don't know, you could try a little harder? As always, The Samerri PublicPC <PublicPc@loc.gov> Are you working on a research project pertaining to writers who try to be funny but fall pathetically short of their goal? I'd love to know more about your project. Please be sure to share with me any new information you uncover on this horrible affliction and any drug trials or possible treatments that are currently under investigation. Trying to keep a positive attitude despite the circumstances, Polly Since my new job involves sitting at a computer all day, I've started reading Suck again. I just wanted to express my appreciation for your work, especially the urban hipster/indie rock/indie film columns. I just moved to Washington, DC, after spending four years at a small liberal arts college nowhere near a city. And now I'm reading Filler and thinking, "Of course! Urban hipsters are really annoying! Thank god that's not me with my Cat Power records and friends making indie films and wearing big platform shoes and capri pants ... er ... shit ... but we're better than that." Yeah, right. Living in the city immediately gave me this hyper-awareness of class and status, which I suppose, does really ugly things to one's personality and fosters a great deal of resentment. It's been lots of fun reading; I hope not to become too much of a walking cliché. Thanks. Sarah Loff <sarahl@Chadwyck.com> Actually, there's a hyper-awareness you inherit after years of living among and observing urban hipster societies that is rife with careful distinctions meant to separate the wheat from the hops ... or something. For example: Are your friends making indie films or talking about making indie films? Or are your friends actually making short student films or just talking about making short student films? Are they working with a documentary filmmaker or talking to a documentary filmmaker about possibly working with him or her later? Or are they talking about talking about working with a documentary filmmaker while actually doing nothing more than sitting around watching Dawson's Creek and eating Mallo cups? God, I love Mallo cups. Can I be your friend? Polly Sorry you couldn't get published in nondigital media. Step 26: Find a Web site that will post your bitter, insecure whimperings. Regards, Trevor Coe <trevor.coe@multex.com> Trevor, I know how you feel. I used to be angry at the world just like you. But boy, did my life change when I finally found a Web site that would post my bitter, insecure whimperings! Now go out there and find one of your own! You can do it, boy! Polly You might try looking for work as a receptionist or maybe as a fast food technician. As a writer, you blow. redfish <redfish@redshift.com> I was a receptionist for a day, actually, at an accounting firm called Coopers and Lybrand. I kept mispronouncing the name of the company, which is really a pretty horrible mistake, if you think about it. Also, when people called and asked where someone was, instead of saying, "He's in a meeting," I'd often say, "He just left with his secretary. They said something about lunch, but I heard them whispering about a hotel down the street...." Just joking. I was way too nervous to speak in full sentences that day. I usually only managed to mumble, defensively and rather mysteriously, "I don't know where he is," a response which probably had about the same effect. I haven't served fast food, but I was a waitress once. My specialty was checking back with each table way too many times during the course of the meal to make sure everything was OK. By the end of the meal, the patrons were invariably shooting me angry looks, and my tips were way below the current standard. I also liked to forget things completely or spill stuff all over people, then apologize awkwardly and profusely until everyone was just so embarrassed and uncomfortable that the meal was completely ruined. Considering the alternatives, I think you'll agree I'm doing the least damage to the general welfare in my current position. Polly |
|
|||||||||||||||||
 |
|||||||||||||||||||
   |
|||||||||||||||||||
 |  |
||||||||||||||||||
 |   | ||||||||||||||||||
![[Tim Cavanaugh]](/fish/staff/images/tim.gif)
![[the fixin'
pixie... ]](/fish/staff/images/emily.gif)
![[Ian
Connelly]](/fish/staff/images/ian.gif){kind=small}
![[Copy Edit]](/fish/staff/images/copyeditors.gif){kind=small}
![[Phillip Bailey]](/fish/staff/images/phil.gif){kind=small}
![[yes, it's
a plunger. i'll l
eave the rest up to your imagination ... ]](/fish/staff/images/erin.gif){kind=small}
![[Brian
Forsyth, " we're just spanning time "]](/fish/staff/images/brian.gif)