The Fish
for 6 August 1999. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff
Editor in Chief


[Tim Cavanaugh]
Tim Cavanaugh
Special Guest Editor


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


[the fixin'
pixie... ]
Emily Hobson
Production Manager
& Rhythm Guitar


Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor


Ian Connelly
Marketing Manager


[Copy Edit]
Erica Gies
Merrill Gillaspy

Copy Editors

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Ana Marie
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


Sean (Duuuuude)
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


T. Jay Fowler
Production Manager
& Ass Kicker


[yes, it's
a plunger. i'll l
eave the rest up to your imagination ... ]
Erin Coull
Production Manager


Monte Goode
Ghost in the Machine


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager


Forsyth, " we're just spanning time "]
Brian Forsyth
Production Editor
& Pool Monitor

Ink Blot


Joey's most excellent idea
worked fine until that
fateful day in September,
1993, when the fans did their
math and saw the slim
probabilities of making any
money on their investment of
10 copies of anything.

We had fun while it lasted.
But hell, when the bottom
dropped out ... we retailers
were dumb, but the comic book
companies were dumber,
churning out multiple copies
of the same issue
with different covers.
The fans did not buy it.
Perhaps they are not as dumb
and dumber as we thought!

Anyway, I had the grandest
ride ever and the greatest
fall ever. But now that I too
am gone from this business, I
am not very surprised to find
other retailers are having a
very tough time, even with my
old faithful fanboy
patronage! It is truly the
death of an era that no
longer serves effectively to
bridge the span from
childhood to adulthood.



And, y'know, the really scary
part is that the comic book
companies are still churning
out those copies.

The Cloud of Unknowing

Fish With Letter Icon

Subject: 26 July 1999

Good article.

Marvel was recently acquired
by a toy company, so numerous
variant costumes may be in
store for their characters
(to push different action

Not my concern, in any case.
It isn't just girls who are
pushed away from comics, but
most young kids (preteen);
most stores put their
nastier, blood-soaked fare up
near the door. Parents walk
in with kids and freak. Some
stores get it right and put
Archie-esque fare in front,
but far too few.

I say don't sweat it and just
pick up anything Alan Moore
does, or Milk & Cheese when
it comes out.

Oh, and the Hulk is stronger.
C'mon — no contest.

Shawn Metcalf

I'm starting to have my
doubts about the
anything-Moore rule,
especially after the last few
issues of Supreme. I loved From
but honestly, the guy's
cruising on automatic these
days. Especially when his
characters start talking in
highfalutin' diction, which is
always just straight iambs
— ba-BUM, ba-BUM, ba-BUM.

Fish With Letter Icon

Subject: Indie comics and the
coming apocalypse.

1. Marvel deserves it's slow,
painful death and it can take
DC with it.

2. Indie comics, though not
huge moneymakers, are 1,000
times better.

Read any of the Superman-
bathtub comics on the stand

I dare you to go to your
local shop and pick up Scud:
The Disposable Assassin,

Preacher, or Transmetropolitan
and read them.


I know and love all three of
those (and The Invisibles and
Cerebus and even
Black Panther), but here's the rub:
Everything depends on the money.
As much as the Big Two deserve
to croak, the comics distribution
and retail system is currently so
precarious that if Marvel
wakes up one morning and
realizes it's no longer
cost-effective for it to
publish comics, we're all
screwed. Without the traffic
that X-Men brings in, most
retailers can't possibly
manage enough income to stay
open; likewise, if Diamond
folds, that's it, it's the end of
comics as we know them in
North America. Yikes.

The Cloud of Unknowing

Fish With Letter Icon

Normally, your Fish section
is at least as entertaining
as the columns you run. But
that letter by Kate
Powers was better than
anything you've run all week.
Then there was that Canadian
guy and the Kornheiser
Kid. It increasingly seems
you just publish the main
part of the site as bait for
the letters. Which I approve
of, mind you.

Oop, gotta stop writing —
I just noticed the snaps on
my shirt say "gripper" on

Ben Mazur

You're right, the site is
just an excuse for the
letters. Why don't you write
an essay for us about your
reactions to the letters
you've read on our site? Now
that would be truly

After all, just look at Kate
Powers — she recently got
promoted to editor in chief,
and Kornheiser is practically
running the place. The great
thing about those two is that
they bait people into writing
more letters. Sometimes we
make up fake "controversial"
letters by people with names
like Dumb Butt just so we can
provoke readers to write us.

Fish With Letter Icon

Dear Sucksters,

You heathens disgust me. I
can't imagine anything more
worthless than reading your
pathetic site. The president
is a crook. Hillary Rodham
Clinton is a man-hating
bitch. Women belong in the
home — in the kitchen
part of the home, more
specifically. The United
States' military action
during the Gulf War was
completely justified. America
kicks butt! The Ayatollah is
an ass-a-hole-ah. Little
bunny rabbits should be
tortured by major cosmetic
companies worldwide. Baby
seals deserve clubbing.


You can say that again!

Fish With Letter Icon
Hit & Run

The media is dishing out
"One, two, three —
grieve!" John Jr. might have
been the best of the lot, but
there are plenty of good
people out there who don't
expire due to waayyy too much
privilege and a lack of
judgment at the controls. And
if (when?) yours truly
ventures west of the Golden
Gate and doesn't quite make
it back, will the Coasties
(blessed be their names)
spend one hour longer than
the regulations require
before consigning me to the
food chain? I should think
not. Or perchance a Navy
Destroyer will sprinkle my
toasted cremains to the
Humbolt Current? Doubtful.

Born into privilege. Raised
with even more privilege. Now
this. Can we toss the rest of
the clan into the drink now
and just get it over with?

No kings. No popes. No
priests. No problem.


When are you west of the
Golden Gate? Hawaii? Guam?
Easter Island?

It's perhaps true that your Q
rating may not be high enough
to inspire our vigilant Coast
Guard to extra efforts, but
that sounds like a YP, not an
MP. And not a JFKJRP either.


Fish With Letter Icon


Thanks a lot. All I've been
able to think of since this
happened is the "Buckwheat
... A Nation Mourns" thing
from the old SNL.

Plus, any chance to discuss
Uncle Teddy's activities is
funnier than hell to me. We
all have the drunk uncle, but
leave it to the Kennedys to
take it to that level. Jeez.


Eric Meisberger

As Tom Carson put it a few
years back, the saga of the
Kennedys is like the saga of
the Corleones, except that in
this one the brother who
comes out on top is Fredo.

Fish With Letter Icon

Starting to Gel

Does pomade constitute hair
gel? I am not a rockabilly
hipster-type myself, but I
have friends in this
vein who introduced me to the
wonders of the stuff years
ago. Now, every morning as I
throw on my white button-down
shirt, slip the
Garcia-designed noose around
my neck, and step into
stifling leather shoes, the
last thing I do is slap a wad
of pomade onto my head and
drag sleep-numbed fingers
over my scalp. Head
glistening in the early
morning sun, I am off to the
whoredom I call a job, ready
to pimp my wage-slave ass to
corporate America as an
incredibly overpaid database
consultant. OK, so maybe I
listened to Ethyl Meatplow
back in the day, but I have
relinquished indie standing
for the life of an urban

Austin Sincock

PS Sorry about the name drop,
but Meatplow still kicks ass.

Pomade is not hair gel.
Pompadours, however, are not

Fish With Letter Icon

Why Must I Suffer So?

First-time listener,
first-time caller. Nothing
better than long-winded
diatribes to make a person
feel a little better.

Society hates me because I
think for myself. I find
myself depressed because I
see good people fooled by
corporate America. Why does
"the American way" sound so
much like 1984? I work for
the American government out
of pride for democracy, for
freedom, and all the bullshit
that has fallen away before
my eyes. "The end times are
coming"? They came and went.
We live in a postapocalyptic
world, but no one bothered to
notice. I used to rant but
soon quit after I realized no
one was listening. How can
you compete against a brick
wall anyway? Big business
pisses me off: old greedy
men, getting older, getting
richer. Why do I struggle to
live in their world? Thanks
for deleting/reading this. I
needed to vent.


That's really beautiful, man.
Thank you for sharing.

Fish With Letter Icon

 The Shit
"Gary's Trajectory," A Wanderer in the Perfect City, Lawrence Weschler, Hungry Mind Press, 1998
The Parallax View, Alan J. Pakula, Paramount Pictures DVD, 1974
Rogues to Riches: The Trouble with Wall Street, Murray Teigh Bloom, Putnam,1971
Actual Air, David Berman, Open City Books, 1999
Tibor Kalman: Perverse Optimist, Peter Hall and Michael Bierut, editors, Princeton Architectural Press, 1998
Canary-wing parrots, Dolores Street, San Francisco
Super Shitty to the Max, Hellacopters, Man's Ruin Records, 1998
Request magazine (any issue after June 1999)
On the Road to Vietnam, Bob Hope, Cadet 4046 vinyl, 1964
The Flying Ballerina, Drums and Tuba, TEC Tones, 1998
Dino, Nick Tosches, Delta Alpha Publishing, 1999
The Soft Bulletin, The Flaming Lips, WEA/Warner Brothers, 1999
Big Red soda

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