The Fish
for 29 June 1999. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff
Editor in Chief


[Tim Cavanaugh]
Tim Cavanaugh
Special Guest Editor


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


[the fixin' pixie... ]
Emily Hobson
Production Manager
& Rhythm Guitar


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor


[Ian Connelly]
Ian Connelly
Marketing Manager


[Brian Forsyth]
Brian Forsyth
Production Editor
& Pool Monitor


[Copy Edit]
Erica Gies
Merrill Gillaspy

Copy Editors

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


T. Jay Fowler
Production Manager
& Ass Kicker


[yes, it's a plunger. i'll l
eave the rest up to your imagination ... ]
Erin Coull
Production Manager


Monte Goode
Monte Goode
Ghost in the Machine


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

Garbage In, Garbage In

But since you mentioned John
Waters, I'm assuming you're a
fan. And since I just saw
Pecker and thought it was one
of the most boring movies
I've ever sat through, I
thought I'd ask: Is that his
worst movie ever? Or should I
not even bother with the


I'm a fan of the written
Waters. I've seen only a few
of his movies, and none of
them were nearly as good as
Crackpot or Schlock Therapy,
two books he wrote.

Happy reading,


Fish With Letter Icon

Fresh Kills is in Staten
Island, sir. However, given
that most of Long Island is a
trash heap as well, I can
forgive this mistake.

Benjamin Rothfeld

Whenever I write a piece that
seems destined not to inspire
much response, I always throw
in a glaring error to ensure
at least a few emails.

Thanks for noticing.



Fish With Letter Icon

How could you get through
that entire essay on
recycling our garbage and not
provide links to the Mind
Uploading Home Page
or Isn't the
whole concept of post-
humanism a prime example
of the recycling frenzy gone
too damn far?

Reading the latest issue of

David J. Warner
Durham, NC

Wouldn't anyone with a brain
so intelligent that its value
outlasted its host's life
span forsake the Mind
Uploading Page and sell it
via eBay?


Fish With Letter Icon

I hate to be such a pest, but
as someone who lives in
Manhattan and grew up on Long
Island (a place where a
landfill would improve the
social and cultural
atmosphere), I feel compelled
to correct you. New York City
dumps its garbage on Staten
Island, not Long Island. LI
needs a few more mass murders
to thin out the ranks of
money-grubbing, wannabe
commuters who work, live, and
spend like they are being
forced against their will to
be inconsiderate, dress and
act stupidly, cut in line,
cut off other motorists with
zeal, and make snide, incorrect,
and unreasonable assumptions
about everything from
minorities to cultural
phenomena. But Long Island is
not the hole that Staten Island
is and always will be. Long
Island is a hole unto itself.
Staten Island's Landfill will
be closed, but the garbage
keeps flowing into Manhattan
all day long. The Staten
Island Ferry keeps dredging
and dumping fecal matter in
business suits onto the
shores of Lower Manhattan
daily, thus ensuring a steady
stream of idiot office
workers to be the fourth and
fifth string of Wall Street
back-office staff. When they
are finished spewing their
trash all over lower
Manhattan, they head uptown
to nightclubs in the hope of
intimidating doormen and
insulting/assaulting revelers
they drunkenly mistake for
celebrities, who they then
determine are "fags" worthy
of bashing. Think of Staten
Island as the armpit of white,
bigoted Brooklyn and you will
understand why garbage gets
dumped there. Peace.

Timothy Kirk



Fish With Letter Icon
Big Hand on One

The odd — and rather
ironic — aspect of your
most recent column is that it
will undoubtedly generate
more publicity for Swatch
than any Beatnik ever did.
The very mention of this
still-proud company (they're
Swiss, after all, so what did
you expect — I can make
this comment in these PC days
because I am also a patriotic
citizen of that very nation)
on a Web site praised for its
innate trendiness (or lack
of trendiness, the same
thing on the Net) shows that
Swatch still maintains its
market cachet. An odd twist
on the usual PR fare indeed.

Nicholas Ragaz

Wow, that is pretty odd: Suck
generating publicity for
something that is lame. I
can't think of any other
enterprise that has benefited
from this unusual public
relations fare. If Suck had
just commented on places like
The Spot, Spiv, or Pathfinder
or products like OK Cola, no
doubt these commercial
ventures would have
flourished, thanks to the
wacky but ultimately
pro-business effect of being
a Suck target. Being
mentioned in a vitriolic
comment by innately trendy
Ralph Nader, after all,
deeply enhances a company's
credibility. So now that you
mention it, it does seem that
being written up in Suck
offers companies and Web
sites a glowing veneer of
chic. Now that I've helped
Swatch get its mojo working
again, I'm sure it and other
companies will be eager to
deliver the appropriate
payola to Suck.

Unfortunately, it's my editor
who plays the role of Mr. DJ
in this scenario, so I can't
imagine that I'll see a cent
of it. But I'll start making
inquiries, now that you've
tipped me off.

The Internick

Fish With Letter Icon

Subject: Big Hand on One ...

Recently, in Houston
(official motto: We Smell the
Heady Smell of Progress —
It Gives Us Terminal Asthma
as It Wafts Down from the
Ship Channel), we were
treated to the truly amusing
pomo spectacle of Earth Day
being brought to you by a
notoriously greedy
petrochemical giant. So
what's the point? Exactly
this: Why don't we rent out
the calendar to corporate
sponsorship? I agree with the
worldview of David Foster
Wallace's novel Infinite
Let's canonize these
national days/weeks/months by
renting them out. And why
not? We've sold out damn
near everything else, so it
really isn't that much of a
jump. We can have WidgetCorp
National Day of Prayer, The
Week of Self-Loathing Brought
to You by General Weapons
Distributors, even the
Year of the Depend Adult

It really strikes me as
idiotic that this infernal
abomination called a
nonproprietary calendar has
been allowed to continue.
There's so much money to be
made from the alternative!
How can the powers that be
sit on their asses and do
nothing? Go figure.

Christopher Driskell

The major problem with this
idea is that Congress and the
state legislatures spend
between 10 and 45 percent of
their time right now
assigning parts of the
calendar to be things like
National Fish By-Product Day
or Rhode Island Hypertext
Fiction Month. If we opened
this process up to the
highest bidder, lucrative as
that may be, lawmakers would
spend all that time making
and passing laws, such as The
Emoticon Decency Act or The
Limitation of Chihuahua
Liability Act.

The Internick

Fish With Letter Icon

Subject: I'm a huge fan

... and you'll be sorely
missed. Good luck.

Chris Colon

Really? I'm a small toaster,
and I won't notice your
absence at all.

Fish With Letter Icon

I enjoyed your article a lot
(especially the part about
the EU), but near the end,
where you focused on .beat
time, I got confused. First
you praise the system. Then
in the end you make a kind of
poetical statement saying you
prefer the old 24-hour days
for some equally poetic and
trivial reason I can't
remember. I think that when
you wrote that last paragraph
you overlooked the fact that
.beat time is also called
Internet time, and it was
launched in cyberspace, not
from some blimp or church
tower or whatever. So, though
the guys at Swatch may have
had some subtle
monopolistic/fascistic (what
else should I say?) ambitions
about displacing the old
24-hour system, the .beat was
made for the Net. And it
makes things easier there
when dealing with different
time zones (e.g., meeting
time for a chat). By the way,
I think you should check
those "sales growth" figures
again ... I don't see that .4
percent in the Swatch Annual
Report on the Web, for which
you provided a link.

Carlos A. Icaza Estrada

I'm not the author, so I
can't speak to your defense
of Internet time, but that
sales figure came from
Swatch's '97 Annual Report
(the most recent one). For
more info, see Hoover's
report on the Swatch Group
If your close reading of its
public financial data yielded
some other result I'd love to
hear it. We can meet online
at .332 for a discussion via
the Beatnik satellite link.


Fish With Letter Icon

 The Shit
Left for Dead in Malaysia, Neil Hamburger, Drag City, 1999
The Pyrotechnic Insanitarium: American Culture on the Brink, Mark Dery, Grove/Atlantic, 1999
Crazy from the Heat, David Lee Roth, Hyperion, 1998
Keep It Like a Secret, Built to Spill, WEA/Warner Brothers, 1999
Abbott's Pizza Company, near the corner of Abbott-Kinney and California, Venice Beach, Los Angeles (delivery hours limited)
Piper at the Gates of Dawn, Pink Floyd, CD remaster, EMI 1994
Motorhead, CD remasters, all
Det Som Engang Var, Burzum, Misanthropy, 1998
Bicentennial Capitol Mall State Park, Nashville, Tennessee
A History of the Modern Fact, Mary Poovey, University of Chicago Press, 1998
V., Thomas Pynchon, HarperCollins Publishers, 1999
The Coffee Mill, Emeq Refaim, Jerusalem, Israel
The Salesman and Bernadette, Vic Chesnutt, Capricorn Records, 1998
Good Morning Spider, Sparklehorse, Cema/Capitol, 1999
Third Floor, Anderson Building, Los Angeles County Museum of Art

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