The Fish
for 1 June 1999. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff
Editor in Chief


[Tim Cavanaugh]
Tim Cavanaugh
Special Guest Editor


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


[the fixin' pixie... ]
Emily Hobson
Production Manager
& Rhythm Guitar


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor


[Ian Connelly]
Ian Connelly
Marketing Manager


[Brian Forsyth]
Brian Forsyth
Production Editor
& Pool Monitor


[Copy Edit]
Erica Gies
Merrill Gillaspy

Copy Editors

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


T. Jay Fowler
Production Manager
& Ass Kicker


[yes, it's a plunger. i'll l
eave the rest up to your imagination ... ]
Erin Coull
Production Manager


Monte Goode
Monte Goode
Ghost in the Machine


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

It Takes a Village of the

Subject: Suck you

Just kidding.

Having Suck delivered every
day is kind of like getting a
fresh, satirical, bitter
pizza each morning, only
slightly more delightful and

In regards to your take on
the Littleton shooting
(disaster, assault,
whatever), I just wanted to
say YOU GO GIRL. Finally I've
found someone else who has
the same idea as I do
about all this crap.
My poor parents
are busy worrying about
whether or not this could
happen in my former high
school rather than actually
trying to do something about
it. The high school
administration, itself a
bunch of do-nothing kings,
has spent its energy
helping teachers cope with
the "horrible tragedy" and
establishing emergency routes
rather than trying to figure
out how to prevent such a
thing from happening there.
It's typical reactionary
thinking, while us Gen-Xers
are the ones bitching about
what needs to be done.

We need more Sucky thinkers
like you in the world!

Paul Pellerito

... And having a fresh and
bitter pizza delivered each
morning is kind of like being
mistaken for a Gen-Xer and a
woman (er, GIRL) when you
are, in fact, neither.

Hoping nothing like that
happens at your former high

Holly M.

Fish With Letter Icon


In response to your 18 May
column: Regardless of slanted
reports on Cassie Bernall's
sacrifice, nothing can
cheapen the actual event.
Cassie died for God. Seeing
that, it is pretty easy to
see what went wrong in
Klebold and Harris' case,
Littleton, all the other
school shootings, and with
the new crop of
teenagers. Our main
problem isn't violence on TV,
guns, alcohol, drugs,
or sex. The main problem is
that we are experiencing the
second generation of American
children who have grown up
without God. God has been
pushed out of society by
mainstream America. No wonder
you trivialize "American
Martyr Cassie Bernall"; you
don't understand the reasons
behind that martyrdom. As
long as we continue to deny
absolute morality as Christ
taught, America will
continue to loosen and
decline, as we see it today.

In truth,

Nick Leali

PS While I know this letter
won't be posted due to
influence/ignorance, I hope
someone will read it and

Call me old-fashioned, but I
like to think that even the
Savior's "absolute morality"
would mean respecting the
privacy of the dead rather
than luridly minting them
into totems of Kultur Kombat.
And if God's getting pushed
around so much by the
mainstream, what's preventing
Him from starting His own
indie rock band?

Loose and declining,

Holly M.

Fish With Letter Icon

Dear Suck:

Thirty-year-olds are now
boomers? Who wrote this, an

Neither a boomer nor in the
30 to 49 target killer audience,

Jonathan Miller

Crime statistics, like
blackjacks, are blunt
instruments, and don't always
map obligingly onto the
coordinates of generational
conflict plotted by
demographers, pollsters, and
trend-mongers. But you'll
note that the figures cited
are from 1996, which means
that even the most
exuberantly youthful
miscreants bringing up the
demographic rear of the crime
wave are now 33, perilously
close to the boomer cusp. For
a more thorough and nuanced
treatment of these matters,
cf. Mike Males' Framing
from which the numbers
are culled and crudely

An eighth-grade drop-out,

Holly M.

Fish With Letter Icon
Hit & Run

Subject: The AOL lifestyle

I recently moved to a new
neighborhood and met a
peculiar neighbor. He threw a
party and invited everyone
for blocks around. I had a
brief talk with him when I
arrived and, among other
things, asked him where he
worked. He quickly changed
the subject. During the
party, he would listen to his
guests' conversations and
then scurry off and discuss
them with a little coterie of
folks who arrived wearing
suits. He'd ask certain
guests he'd been
eavesdropping on to leave.
Later, I found out he works
for AOL. It seems the company's
business model extends to
its employees' social lives
too: Invite everybody (send
unsolicited AOL diskettes to
everyone in the phone book),
examine the ones who accept
(monitor their conversations
in chat rooms, etc.),
evaluate them according to
AOL's standards, and throw
out anybody with the least
scintilla of individuality,
originality, or intelligence
- leaving the perfect AOL
society. It also explains why
he wouldn't say where he
worked - there's no way I
would have even walked in his
front door if I knew he
worked for AOL, and if he'd
told me when I arrived, I'd
have left immediately. And
obviously, I'm not alone in
my assessment of a company
that tramples on the First
Amendment, provides online
services for child molesters,
and cheats its customers.
Seriously, I'd rather live
across the street from
somebody in the Mafia - it's
way more respectable.
Nevertheless, AOL's screening
techniques have allowed
it to acquire 17 million
mindless, idiotic sheep. What
do you want to bet they buy
AOLTV like it's something
new, hell, something good?
After all, they're already
stupid enough to think AOL
is the Internet.

Walter Bauer

You didn't explain why he
asked the people he'd been
eavesdropping on to leave.
There must have been some
scuttlebutt at the party.
What was the AOL guy's
problem? Come on, there's
nothing more frustrating than
these half anecdotes. For all
we know, he was kicking out
narcs or something, and you
should be thanking him for
giving you a pad from which
to drink his Kaliber and eat
his assorted cheeses.


Fish With Letter Icon

Greetings, fine purveyors of

I am furious at your casual
disparagement of Hogan's
in today's Hit & Run.

I understand how mocking
pillars of American society
can make you seem "edgy" or
help you gain "street cred"
with the "kids these
days." However, there are
certain lines that should
not be crossed.

By casually associating the
seminal work of John Banner
and Werner Klemperer
with AOL, Suck has just
erased that line.


Mark "beat-jackin' cracker mack"

We only included the Hogan's
link because we're
always looking for an excuse
to include some Hogan-related
material. We bend over
backwards to honor Werner
Klemperer, and look at the
thanks we get. Look for more
Klink-related material in
upcoming issues.


Fish With Letter Icon

Menace II Society

I am certain that many who
see this piece are going to
start screaming, "Where's
Terry Colon?" and "You
stink!" (or words to that
effect), but not me. Nice job;
I hope to see more of
your art in the future.

As for the piece itself, all
I can say is that after being
exposed to the first three
flicks, I'm perfectly happy
skipping the fourth and going
to watch something less hyped
and more entertaining. Now
if only I could find out
when Dogma will
be hitting the screens.


PS Don't let Terry Colon go
away completely, though. I
like his work too.

Just because it's overhyped
doesn't mean it has to suck.
I mean, what are you gonna
see instead? Aren't you at
least curious? Stop trying to
be so cool, man.


Fish With Letter Icon

I loved this exchange from a
BBC radio show about The
Phantom Menace:

Critic 1: ...
it doesn't help that this
movie's been getting more
media attention than Kosovo.

Critic 2: Yeah, but then, it's
a bigger catastrophe.

Francisco Toro

It's just another media doggie
pile. Popularity is suffering
a major backlash lately:
Popular recording artists are
insulted just because they're
"too" Popular, popular movies
are trashed before anyone
gets a chance to see them,
popular kids are gunned
down before they have a
chance to breed and make
more popular kids.

Save the popular!

Unpopular but very generous,

Fish With Letter Icon

 The Shit
Left for Dead in Malaysia, Neil Hamburger, Drag City, 1999
The Pyrotechnic Insanitarium: American Culture on the Brink, Mark Dery, Grove/Atlantic, 1999
Crazy from the Heat, David Lee Roth, Hyperion, 1998
Keep It Like a Secret, Built to Spill, WEA/Warner Brothers, 1999
Abbott's Pizza Company, near the corner of Abbott-Kinney and California, Venice Beach, Los Angeles (delivery hours limited)
Piper at the Gates of Dawn, Pink Floyd, CD remaster, EMI 1994
Motorhead, CD remasters, all
Det Som Engang Var, Burzum, Misanthropy, 1998
Bicentennial Capitol Mall State Park, Nashville, Tennessee
A History of the Modern Fact, Mary Poovey, University of Chicago Press, 1998
V., Thomas Pynchon, HarperCollins Publishers, 1999
The Coffee Mill, Emeq Refaim, Jerusalem, Israel
The Salesman and Bernadette, Vic Chesnutt, Capricorn Records, 1998
Good Morning Spider, Sparklehorse, Cema/Capitol, 1999
Third Floor, Anderson Building, Los Angeles County Museum of Art

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