The Fish
for 20 April 1999. Updated every WEEKDAY.
 
 
Suck Staff
 

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff
Editor in Chief

 

Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director

 

[the fixin' pixie... ]
Emily Hobson
Production Manager
and Rhythm Guitar

 

Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor

 

[Ian Connelly]
Ian Connelly
Marketing Manager

 

[Copy Edit]
Erica Gies
and
Merrill Gillaspy

Copy Editors









	
Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text
 

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman
Co-Founder

 

Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor

 

Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch
Suckgineer

 

Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor

 


T. Jay Fowler

Production Manager

& Ass Kicker

 

[yes, it's a plunger. i'll l
eave the rest up to your imagination ... ]
Erin Coull
Production Manager

 

Monte Goode
Monte Goode
Ghost in the Machine

 

Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager


Polly,

I just wanted to drop a note
to tell you how much I look
forward to Filler every week.
Your prose, along with
Terry's artwork, is a joy to
behold each Wednesday.

Sometimes your column has an
odd effect on my co-worker
Andrea. After reading
today's Filler, she
was determined to have the
phrases, "Kick his ass Marcy!
Sock the little motherfucker
in the stomach! Show that
sniveling pussy who's boss!"
printed on a T-shirt, posted
about her cube, and pasted to
her car's bumper. I was able
to calm her down some, and
after she stopped shaking she
settled for printing "Wan da
snake!" in large letters on
her white board.

Let no one say your column is
not provocative!

Looking forward to many more
Wednesday Fillers,

John MacW

It's good to hear I'm
bringing joy to the world
with my sad little words. Not
only that, but I'm driving
your co-worker to the brink
of insanity with my thinly
veiled penis-envy propaganda.

Wan da snake! All together
now! Wan da snake!

Polly

 
Fish With Letter Icon
 

Hmm, I'm a little paranoid
but bear with me. You
wouldn't happened to have
been reading
www.templar.com/doughty
recently, would you? That is
a BBS run by M. Doughty, the
lead singer of the band Soul
Coughing, and a few days ago
I told him to go read the
Urban Hipsters column and I
mentioned how much I love
Suck. And then today, bottom
of the first page of Filler,
I read, "soul coughing up
blood." I understand I might
just be paranoid, but I don't
like coincidences. Anyway,
I had to say this: You rock.

Kathleen Juliet

It was all just a crazy
coincidence. I haven't read
that stuff you mentioned. In
fact, I don't know anything
about the band Soul Coughing;
I just like the name. I bet
the lead singer never checked
out Filler, either. But tell
him if he reads my stupid,
pointless comic strip, I'll
listen to his stupid,
pointless band.

Now go take some echinacea
for that paranoia before it
gets out of control.

Polly

 
Fish With Letter Icon
 

Polly,

The "feminine empowerment"
emails going around are so
insulting and inane. You know
the ones I mean - the ones
full of vapid tips on why
it's OK you don't look like a
supermodel, or how being a
woman is just so special.
What I find especially
insulting is that some of
these messages have been sent
around in the name of Women's
History Month, as if the
importance of women's history
can be summed up by focusing
on women's obsession with why
they don't look like
supermodels.

To combat this appalling
dumbing down of "what it
means to be a woman," I've
made my own list of "gender
issue" emails I'd like to see
show up in my inbox:

1. Math, computers,
assertiveness, and 50 other
things that will cause
loneliness and breast cancer.

2. Everyone likes drunk girls
better.

3. Learning to shut the fuck up.

4. Uppity women don't get laid.

5. Your views on world politics,
PMS, and the Goddess: The
big list of things no one
wants to hear you talk about.

6. The truth about your fat ass.

Doing my part to spread love
and empowerment,

Stephanie

Is that a list of things
you'd like to say to overly
PC women? Because I consider
myself a pretty strident
feminist, but if someone says
another thing to me about
objectification, I might just
use my fists instead of words
to set them straight. Is
there anything more reductive
than that word,
objectification? I applaud
all the feminists who made
the world friendlier for
aggressive bitches like me,
but in 1999 aren't we tired
of splitting hairs about the
realities of being socialized
in a world where Pamela
Anderson Lee is a superstar?
Let the academics and the
radicals fight for real
change. The rest of us should
just relax and be human
beings.

Join the cause. Whenever you
see Jennifer Love Hewitt,
yell, "Tits! Yow!"

Objectifying piss boys for
over 10 years,

Polly

 
Fish With Letter Icon
 

Hit & Run

I didn't quite follow the
point of today's rant but
thanks for some interesting
links. I had no idea there
actually was an atheist
organization. Doesn't that
seem a little silly? A friend
of mine, upon hearing I was
an atheist, once told me I
should hang out with her
husband because he too was an
atheist. I thought at the
time, "What are we supposed
to do, sit around on Sunday
and not pray together?" Isn't
rejecting the need for solace
in mass ceremony part of the
process of becoming and
persisting as an atheist?
It's not like you see all the
kids who have figured out
Santa doesn't exist hanging
out at the mall telling each
other what they want for
Christmas. I suspect this
organization is like that. On
the other hand, having some
official atheist holidays
would probably boost the
popularity of nonbelief. How
about Big Bang Day or First
RNA Enzyme Day or maybe
Darwin's Birthday? One of the
most enticing aspects of
religion is the time off from
work. This doesn't really
have much to do with your
column, so I guess you'll
probably not post it and I've
just wasted 10 minutes of my
life. Oh yeah, B.C. sucks as
a comic strip foremost and as
Christian propaganda second.

Bradley Messmer

Rejecting mass ceremony may
make you a Quaker, but it
takes a little more than that
to be an atheist.

And what's with all the
complaints about B.C.?
Looking over back issues of
B.C. for this week's piece, I
found some pretty funny ones.

Yr pal,

Bartel

 
Fish With Letter Icon
 
Long Live Rock

Subject: I'm not marching
anymore

Phil Ochs' death was a real
musical loss. Tom Paxton
wrote one hell of a moving
tribute to that loss ("Dead
by his own hand"), which is
probably why he's being
invited to the wake. Go back
and listen to his last songs:
witty, wry, self-mocking
stuff about human
relationships. You can also
find (on his final
recordings, done live - where
was suicide watch when you
needed it?) screamingly
obvious evidence of clinical
depression that would have
had me reaching for my
prescription pad if he'd been
my patient.

I was going to lend you my
LPs. Now I'm not.

Alan S. Kornheiser
<ASKORNHEISER@prodigy.net>

Ouch. Alan, don't tease.
Who's your daddy, Alan? Who's
your daddy?

Showing screamingly obvious
evidence of sociopathology,

Sucksters

 
Fish With Letter Icon
 

Subject: Report of Profanity

I accessed the email address
only to find at the top of
this page: Suck.com. THE STAFF
AT HOTBOT REALLY NEEDS TO
KEEP A MORE CLOSER EYE ON
SUCH FILTH. I hope you all do
something about this
immediately. HOPEFULLY AFTER
ALL THE PHONE CALLS THAT HAVE
BEEN MADE TO THE CONGRESSMAN
SOMETHING WILL BE DONE ABOUT
THIS FILTH ON THE INTERNET
REALLY SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!

<Biblebel@aol.com>

By filth, do you mean mildew,
dust, gooey black dirt, or
soap scum? And who exactly is
"the" congressman?

Sucking is not filthy,
friend. It's perfectly
healthy and fun. Sucking
makes us stronger! Sucking
makes us live longer!

Suddenly inspired to keep a
more closer eye on our most
perverse urges,

Sucksters

 
Fish With Letter Icon
 

Subject: Crossing lines and
crossing lines

OK, I will be the first to
admit that random, baseless
slams on people I do not know
should not provoke me to
write an email in defense of
said stranger, but then again
I get hypocritical easily,
especially when people are so
clearly out of line. Your
statement, "Back before the
farm crisis had effectively
rendered [Neil] Young himself
musically impotent," is just
plain wrong.

Most people aware of this
stage in his career are
cognizant that he is still
playing amazing music both on
record and in concert. To
lump him in with Paul
McCartney, Bruce Springsteen,
and Billy Joel - pop-oriented
artists whose main sin has
been revisiting time and time
again a formula that made
them successful decades ago -
is beyond insulting. They are
incomparable. If the myriad
of contemporary artists -
from Sonic Youth to Pearl Jam
to Phish to R.E.M. - who list
him as a continuing influence
on their music does not
convince you, a listen to one
of the records he puts out
(about one per year) should
silence you.

I understand (and often
appreciate) Suck's quickly
dismissing subjects with
insightful metaphors or
sarcasm and that slamming a
musician is not
life-threatening, but when
ignorance causes you to
dismiss someone who does not
deserve it in a piece on the
death of rock, a little
wake-up call can't hurt.

Thanks,

J. Wyrsch
<jrw220@is2.nyu.edu>

PS On a positive note, you
did publish an article on the
death of rock on the fifth
anniversary of Kurt Cobain's
suicide without mentioning
it. Intentional?

We appreciate the fact that
you took the time to write,
but you should know that
anyone who elaborately
defends a rock star and urges
us not to lump him/her in
with other, clearly more
mediocre rock stars, ends up
sounding about as reasonable
as people who write
protesting the "filthy"
nature of the name Suck.

You like Neil's latest, we
don't. End of conversation.

Bitchy,

Sucksters

 
Fish With Letter Icon
 

Fish on Fish

Dr. Giggles is certainly a
very entertaining movie.
However, based on what little
you revealed here, I would
guess your love of the film
would be poorly served by
going so far as to rent a
copy from your video rental
shop of choice. On the other
hand, if you happen to be
staring at WPIX 11 (Does that
network still exist? The
local equivalent, STS, is
hardly relevant under the
circumstances.) or some other
broadcast-nationwide-via-
cable choice weekend B-movie
purveyor through the haze of
a trusty household narcotic,
you could certainly do worse
than sit through the thing. I
personally recall at least
seven very choice moments.
Whatever you decide, make
that move with pride.

<exile.op_ed@matrix.ru>

PS What do you make of these
types who find it impossible
to write a letter of
quasi-praise to the editor
(of whatever publication)
without including some
would-be underhanded jab at
the author's talent,
abilities, street cred,
sexual prowess, intelligence,
taste in music, etc.?
Personally, I am greatly
anticipating the day when
every moment of every
person's life becomes
accessible in real time via
some medium or other. In
which case, it would no doubt
prove very educational to
study the mating habits of
the more clever letter
writers in our midst and then
provide critiques as in
Amazon Women on the Moon:

"Well, [insert overweight
partner's Christian name -
need not be an actual
person], I think this is
perhaps the best sex Steve
Jenkins has had in years -
which is not exactly a
compliment, mind you. For so
long now, he has just been
going through the motions,
often barely attaining
erection, let alone orgasm.
After tonight's performance
his partner really has to be,
if not satisfied, then at
least unduly hopeful for the
future."

And so on. You get the idea.

I think it was Roger Corman,
or maybe Roger Corman
paraphrasing Sam Goldwyn or
someone like that, who said a
movie basically has to have
six good scenes to be a hit,
so Dr. Giggles, with its
seven choice moments, sounds
like it's worth three bucks.
I shall seek it out.

I engage in the art of
quasi-praise myself quite
frequently, but at least I
have an excuse: It's my job.

Best,

Huck

 
Fish With Letter Icon
 

 The Shit
Left for Dead in Malaysia, Neil Hamburger, Drag City, 1999
The Pyrotechnic Insanitarium: American Culture on the Brink, Mark Dery, Grove/Atlantic, 1999
Crazy from the Heat, David Lee Roth, Hyperion, 1998
Keep It Like a Secret, Built to Spill, WEA/Warner Brothers, 1999
Abbott's Pizza Company, near the corner of Abbott-Kinney and California, Venice Beach, Los Angeles (delivery hours limited)
Piper at the Gates of Dawn, Pink Floyd, CD remaster, EMI 1994
Motorhead, CD remasters, all
Det Som Engang Var, Burzum, Misanthropy, 1998
Bicentennial Capitol Mall State Park, Nashville, Tennessee
A History of the Modern Fact, Mary Poovey, University of Chicago Press, 1998
V., Thomas Pynchon, HarperCollins Publishers, 1999
The Coffee Mill, Emeq Refaim, Jerusalem, Israel
The Salesman and Bernadette, Vic Chesnutt, Capricorn Records, 1998
Good Morning Spider, Sparklehorse, Cema/Capitol, 1999
Third Floor, Anderson Building, Los Angeles County Museum of Art

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