The Fish
for 19 April 1999. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff
Editor in Chief


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


[the fixin' pixie... ]
Emily Hobson
Production Manager
and Rhythm Guitar


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor


[Ian Connelly]
Ian Connelly
Marketing Manager


[Copy Edit]
Erica Gies
Merrill Gillaspy

Copy Editors

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


T. Jay Fowler

Production Manager

& Ass Kicker


[yes, it's a plunger. i'll l
eave the rest up to your imagination ... ]
Erin Coull
Production Manager


Monte Goode
Monte Goode
Ghost in the Machine


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

Long Live Rock

Subject: I'm not marching

Phil Ochs' death was a real
musical loss. Tom Paxton
wrote one hell of a moving
tribute to that loss ("Dead
by his own hand"), which is
probably why he's being
invited to the wake. Go back
and listen to his last songs:
witty, wry, self-mocking
stuff about human
relationships. You can also
find (on his final
recordings, done live - where
was suicide watch when you
needed it?) screamingly
obvious evidence of clinical
depression that would have
had me reaching for my
prescription pad if he'd been
my patient.

I was going to lend you my
LPs. Now I'm not.

Alan S. Kornheiser

Ouch. Alan, don't tease.
Who's your daddy, Alan? Who's
your daddy?

Showing screamingly obvious
evidence of sociopathology,


Fish With Letter Icon

Subject: Report of Profanity

I accessed the email address
only to find at the top of
this page: THE STAFF
SUCH FILTH. I hope you all do
something about this
immediately. HOPEFULLY AFTER
REALLY SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!


By filth, do you mean mildew,
dust, gooey black dirt, or
soap scum? And who exactly is
"the" congressman?

Sucking is not filthy,
friend. It's perfectly
healthy and fun. Sucking
makes us stronger! Sucking
makes us live longer!

Suddenly inspired to keep a
more closer eye on our most
perverse urges,


Fish With Letter Icon

Subject: Crossing lines and
crossing lines

OK, I will be the first to
admit that random, baseless
slams on people I do not know
should not provoke me to
write an email in defense of
said stranger, but then again
I get hypocritical easily,
especially when people are so
clearly out of line. Your
statement, "Back before the
farm crisis had effectively
rendered [Neil] Young himself
musically impotent," is just
plain wrong.

Most people aware of this
stage in his career are
cognizant that he is still
playing amazing music both on
record and in concert. To
lump him in with Paul
McCartney, Bruce Springsteen,
and Billy Joel - pop-oriented
artists whose main sin has
been revisiting time and time
again a formula that made
them successful decades ago -
is beyond insulting. They are
incomparable. If the myriad
of contemporary artists -
from Sonic Youth to Pearl Jam
to Phish to R.E.M. - who list
him as a continuing influence
on their music does not
convince you, a listen to one
of the records he puts out
(about one per year) should
silence you.

I understand (and often
appreciate) Suck's quickly
dismissing subjects with
insightful metaphors or
sarcasm and that slamming a
musician is not
life-threatening, but when
ignorance causes you to
dismiss someone who does not
deserve it in a piece on the
death of rock, a little
wake-up call can't hurt.


J. Wyrsch

PS On a positive note, you
did publish an article on the
death of rock on the fifth
anniversary of Kurt Cobain's
suicide without mentioning
it. Intentional?

We appreciate the fact that
you took the time to write,
but you should know that
anyone who elaborately
defends a rock star and urges
us not to lump him/her in
with other, clearly more
mediocre rock stars, ends up
sounding about as reasonable
as people who write
protesting the "filthy"
nature of the name Suck.

You like Neil's latest, we
don't. End of conversation.



Fish With Letter Icon

Fish on Fish

Dr. Giggles is certainly a
very entertaining movie.
However, based on what little
you revealed here, I would
guess your love of the film
would be poorly served by
going so far as to rent a
copy from your video rental
shop of choice. On the other
hand, if you happen to be
staring at WPIX 11 (Does that
network still exist? The
local equivalent, STS, is
hardly relevant under the
circumstances.) or some other
cable choice weekend B-movie
purveyor through the haze of
a trusty household narcotic,
you could certainly do worse
than sit through the thing. I
personally recall at least
seven very choice moments.
Whatever you decide, make
that move with pride.


PS What do you make of these
types who find it impossible
to write a letter of
quasi-praise to the editor
(of whatever publication)
without including some
would-be underhanded jab at
the author's talent,
abilities, street cred,
sexual prowess, intelligence,
taste in music, etc.?
Personally, I am greatly
anticipating the day when
every moment of every
person's life becomes
accessible in real time via
some medium or other. In
which case, it would no doubt
prove very educational to
study the mating habits of
the more clever letter
writers in our midst and then
provide critiques as in
Amazon Women on the Moon:

"Well, [insert overweight
partner's Christian name -
need not be an actual
person], I think this is
perhaps the best sex Steve
Jenkins has had in years -
which is not exactly a
compliment, mind you. For so
long now, he has just been
going through the motions,
often barely attaining
erection, let alone orgasm.
After tonight's performance
his partner really has to be,
if not satisfied, then at
least unduly hopeful for the

And so on. You get the idea.

I think it was Roger Corman,
or maybe Roger Corman
paraphrasing Sam Goldwyn or
someone like that, who said a
movie basically has to have
six good scenes to be a hit,
so Dr. Giggles, with its
seven choice moments, sounds
like it's worth three bucks.
I shall seek it out.

I engage in the art of
quasi-praise myself quite
frequently, but at least I
have an excuse: It's my job.



Fish With Letter Icon

Great Expectations

Just when my bitterness and
cynicism starts to dull and
fade, I read something by you
and I am instantly grouchy
and cynical, a real pain in
the ass.

Russell May

I'm getting you back in touch
with your true self, Russell.
Therapy never came so cheap.



Fish With Letter Icon

Appropriating Leonard Cohen
like this is in hideously
poor taste - much like the way
white people in blackface or
men in dresses are in
hideously poor taste. Albeit,
fortunately, you seem only to
have heard one song.

Demmy Rooster

You always were a stranger.


Fish With Letter Icon

Please update The Shit. My
stupid life is just too
stupid without updated Shit.
If you'd just update the Web
site du Shit, that'd be fine,
as long as I have somewhere
to go and something to do
while I stick it to the man
40 hours a week.

We'll be at the sk8 park
eagerly awaiting your reply.

Love always,


We'll give you Shit, you
little shit. Swiss cheese is
currently very cool,
particularly on spaghetti.
Running long distances is
back in style, believe it or
not. Everyone's doing it.
Getting up early to run
distances is treès
cool. Living out Loud is out
on videotape. Everyone's
renting it, so it'll be hard
to check out. Happiness is
out on video on 27 April,
and since no one saw it in
the theater, they're all
gonna see it on video.
Everyone's disgusted yet
thrilled with Britney Spears.
Everyone's breaking up with
their long-term significant
others right now. Everyone's
eating more healthfully.
Everyone's listening to the
third song on Built to
Spill's latest, Keep It Like
a Secret,
again and
again. Everyone's clinging
desperately to their sanity.
It's very now.

Oh, and no one goes to skate
parks anymore.

And everyone knows now that
love is not forever.

Love sometimes,


Fish With Letter Icon

Dear Suck,

I'm sick of everything in my
life. I don't like my
friends, I don't like my
girlfriend, I don't like what
I usually eat for breakfast,
I don't like anything.

Any idea what I should do?


Sick and tired

Dear Sick,

Break up with your girlfriend.
Start treating your friends
as well as you treated your
girlfriend and see if you
don't like them more. Get in
shape, drink more water, and
drink stronger coffee. Take
some vitamins now and then.
Go to bed earlier and get up
earlier. Start a new book.
Take a hot bath at night.
Spend less time reading the
paper and watching TV.

Do these things alone, and we
guarantee you'll feel better
almost immediately.

Or you could just buy a copy
of Cosmo and follow the
instructions therein.

Suck and Cosmo: So far, yet so


Fish With Letter Icon

 The Shit
Left for Dead in Malaysia, Neil Hamburger, Drag City, 1999
The Pyrotechnic Insanitarium: American Culture on the Brink, Mark Dery, Grove/Atlantic, 1999
Crazy from the Heat, David Lee Roth, Hyperion, 1998
Keep It Like a Secret, Built to Spill, WEA/Warner Brothers, 1999
Abbott's Pizza Company, near the corner of Abbott-Kinney and California, Venice Beach, Los Angeles (delivery hours limited)
Piper at the Gates of Dawn, Pink Floyd, CD remaster, EMI 1994
Motorhead, CD remasters, all
Det Som Engang Var, Burzum, Misanthropy, 1998
Bicentennial Capitol Mall State Park, Nashville, Tennessee
A History of the Modern Fact, Mary Poovey, University of Chicago Press, 1998
V., Thomas Pynchon, HarperCollins Publishers, 1999
The Coffee Mill, Emeq Refaim, Jerusalem, Israel
The Salesman and Bernadette, Vic Chesnutt, Capricorn Records, 1998
Good Morning Spider, Sparklehorse, Cema/Capitol, 1999
Third Floor, Anderson Building, Los Angeles County Museum of Art

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