The Fish
for 22 March 1999. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff
Editor in Chief


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


[the fixin' pixie... ]
Emily Hobson
Production Manager
and Rhythm Guitar


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor


[Ian Connelly]
Ian Connelly
Marketing Manager


[Copy Edit]
Erica Gies
Merrill Gillaspy

Copy Editors

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


T. Jay Fowler

Production Manager

& Ass Kicker


[yes, it's a plunger. i'll l
eave the rest up to your imagination ... ]
Erin Coull
Production Manager


Monte Goode
Monte Goode
Ghost in the Machine


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

Generation Hex

Although I'm sure you're all
sick and tired of getting
email about this Gen X poetry
thing, I would really like to
put my 2 cents in.

Yes, it is shallow and
egotistical of the boomers to
call Gen X post-boomer; just
like it's shallow and
egotistical of Gen X to think
it is the only generation
that has to deal with being

I've got news for you Xers, the
boomers are nothing compared
to the hype X receives. I'm
20 years old, I barely
remember Schoolhouse Rock, I
never had to wear bell
bottoms as a child, and I
thought that movie Reality
was awful. Many people
my age think they are Gen X,
but the truth is they
aren't. I don't identify with
Gen X at all. Don't get me
wrong, some of my best
friends are Gen X, but I am
definitely not.

However, every time some new
Gen X thing hits the streets,
I have to hear about it
constantly. After all, most
people think I'm a member. At
least the post-boomers are
identified as a separate
generation. My generation
seems doomed to be known as
Gen X's younger brothers and

Liz Cantrell

Jeez, Liz, you might as well
be starving to death in
Tzarist Russia for all the
hardship you're going
through. Is there anything we
can do to help?

Yr pal,

an elderly man on a fixed

Fish With Letter Icon


The following is a letter I
wrote to Marlow Peerse Weaver
after reading the recent
interview you published with
him. The perception of young
poets has really started (as
I state in the email) to piss
me off. I started writing it
as a defense, and it sort of
turned into a manifesto, so I
thought I'd send it to you
guys too to see if you'd
publish it and find out what kind of
reaction it would get. Thanks
for providing the impetus.

Dear Sir,

I just read an interview with
you in some online journal,
and I would like to tell you
something about Gen X poetry.
I am (by birth, not by any
willing association) a member
of Generation X, and I am a
poet. I do not do improvised,
spontaneous poetry. Though I
do write free verse, I have
been experimenting recently
with metrical forms such as
the sonnet and the
villanelle. I study people
like Galway Kinnel, Robert
Lowell, Lord Tennyson, and
Homer. I am a serious (though
not especially good) poet,
not one of these
therefore-cool poets. Hell, I
actually try to use imagery.

But thanks to people like you
who promulgate this Gen X
crap, no one takes me (or
other people my age)
seriously. Whenever I try to
discuss the writing of poetry
with almost anyone, from my
professors to actual poets, I
get a look that makes me feel
embarrassed to have brought
up the subject. I am sick of
this poetry slam stereotype
that seems to be attached to
anyone in my generation.

What I would like to see is a
book of modern poetry done
by people under the age of
30 that is actually quality
verse. I personally know a
few people (and I'm sure that
my little circle of friends
isn't the extent of us) that
try to write real poetry, not
this soulless, unpoetic
garbage that most members of
my generation turn out.

I realize that I sound as if
I am whining and as if I feel
misunderstood (typical of my
generation, in your view, I
suppose), but I think there
is an honest movement of
poetics among some Gen Xers.
In fact, there are several
people I have spoken to who
agree with this. As a whole,
we are tired of being
labeled performance poets
simply because we were born
in the '70s and write

If you feel I am being
unfair, please contact me and
defend yourself. I would very
much like to hear your side
of the story. I would also
very much like for people to
recognize that just because I
am 20 years old doesn't mean
I'm excluded from being a
serious poet.


Joshua Tabor Williams

Why so defensive? If I want
to write a book about
peaches, should plums be
offended that the peaches are
getting more press and now
everyone thinks a plum is a

I like peaches better anyway,
come to think of it.

How's that for imagery,


Fish With Letter Icon

House Divided

The prez has driven the
Republican Party as well as
the national press stark
raving mad ... and it was a
short drive.


But a scenic route, yes?

Ambrose Beers

Fish With Letter Icon

Subject: You're My Jesus

OK, just kidding.

I liked the comparison with
elections in Iran -
entertaining and informative.

'Course, here in the US of A,
"power" means one thing:
money. And that's where the
fringe right kicks ass.
Nothing shakes bucks out of
the trees like fear-mongering
politicos and televangelism.
Thus, a minority viewpoint
can gain disproportionate
attention from party
leadership by quite
literally buying its way in
- a much more effective
method than Stalinist
"nullifications." And with
the cost of "free" elections
skyrocketing ($2 million for
a Senate seat, and that's the
ante, not the table limit),
hate-peddlers like Ralph Reed
and Pat Robertson will
continue to sit on the dias
with the Righteous Pillars of
Upstanding Moral Rectitude
that make up the GOP.

Me, I'm a Federalist. We
haven't had a candidate
since ... oh ... well, not
since John Quincy disgraced
his father and joined the
Whigs, the rapscallion. It's been
a long, dry spell for us. But
if Bob Tilton can buy us a
spot on cable TV, we're
willing to reconsider our
long-held positions on the
gold standard and free trade
with France.

P.S. Check out the reader
reviews (before they get
deleted) at:

Rob Seulowitz

Well, sure, but nothing
shakes money out of a tree,
either, like self-interest.
I'm pretty sure the
Republican Party could do
pretty well with corporate
contributions and cash from
folks who want to pay lower
taxes without the sweaty
coins from the collection
plate. Money is power, but
power usually means a chance
to make more money.

Whigging out,

Ambrose Beers

Fish With Letter Icon
Urban Hipsters

Subject: I'm not original,
but I'm more unoriginal than
those fucking losers.

After being engaged in two
full weeks of temp office
work, I have thoroughly
familiarized myself with the
contents of and
Suck and have
searched about every Web site
around featuring Japanese toy
robots. I figure as I get
more daring and feel the
ground below me isn't less
stable than my ex-girlfriends,
I'll take to downloading
naughty pictures into all my
bosses' sales account files.
Tip the hat to all the
provocative snideness at the
work site. I'm thoroughly
impressed and ashamed, and I am
left to content myself with
being "like
sort of a wanderer" at my
current place of employment.
Remember these tips for your
next new-guy-in-the-office
experience: 1. stare, look
through people, never blink
or look away 2. never speak
unless spoken to 3. walk
around with a snide,
shit-eating grin or a totally
blank look 4. smile and stare
directly into the eyes of
every female in the office,
sit back and deconstruct
who's got boyfriends and who
doesn't care, take no further
action on this front, leave
them wondering 5. swagger
around everyone two strata or
higher above you (a senior VP
opened the door for me
Wednesday; I swaggered past
him, mumbling "thanks"; he
said, "good morning Jeff"; I
responded - deep-fry this in
sarcasm - "yeah") 6. finish all
work as quickly as possible
and immediately upon
completion, unabashedly fuck
off - Net surf, do crosswords,
whatever - flaunt that you've got
nothing to do.

For some unknown reason,
after I followed this plan,
these shitbag employers seem
to want me to stick around
for the long haul. What the

Oh, by the way, I installed
new homepages on the
computers I work on: or HotBot or
the Subgenius page. Thank me
for the hits later.


You're so original. You're
such a rebel.

Scribbling a reminder to thank
you in our day planners,

Fish With Letter Icon

Dear Sucksters:
On the
Amend1-L list, we've been
discussing Smith and what
would be an appropriate
response to his/her/its
antispam spam. But no one
suggested calling the cops.

Spam is bad, evil, naughty,
rude, a breach of netiquette,
whatever. It isn't against
the law, not in Indiana. Do
you have any evidence or even
reasonable suspicion that
Smith isn't sending out the
antispam manual to those who
send US$15? That people
aren't getting their
anarchist cookbooks? If so,
that's a different matter. It
seems instead that you are calling
the cops because you didn't
like what Smith said or at
least how Smith said it. "No
law shall be passed,
restraining the free
interchange of thought and
opinion" - Indiana Bill of
Rights, Section 9. It frankly
surprises me that Suck would
call in the gendarmes on
somebody whose crime consists
of distributing anarchist
literature. I would have
expected you to be on the
other side of that one. I
happen to represent an
anarchist in Evansville who
is being hassled over some
signs that he has put up
without political disclaimers
that the local county
officials say are required.
It's Majors v. Abell.
Anonymous.html and the leaf
list at have
more info. If Smith isn't
free to say what he has to
say, how safe is Suck?


Robbin Stewart

Your question might have been
more readily answered if you
had called Evansville
directory assistance. You
would have found that there
is no K. C. Smith listed at
that address or, in fact,
anywhere in Evansville or
anywhere in the 812 area
code. Wherever your money
goes, I'd seriously doubt
you're going to get anything
in exchange. And I'm not
willing to put up my own
money to find out. The
operation has all the
earmarks of a scam, albeit
a funny one. This is why the
case, as I noted, is being
handled by the Fraud and
Bunco unit, and not the
Exercise of Free Speech
unit. It's one of countless
frauds, no doubt, but I
figured it might be fun to
pick one out and follow it

Suck remains free and clear
because we're not ripping
anybody off, although I hear
our fulfillment department
isn't doing so well on timely
delivery of Suck T-shirts.

Yr pal,


Fish With Letter Icon

Are you guys insane?! Little
Veronica and the Star Wars
guy - fine. I sent them my
goddamn letters of support, I
can tell you now. But this
little brat is just a greedy
gold digger. He puts to shame
any legitimate causes in the
domain name battle. This kid
knew exactly what he was
doing when he registered He was trying
to scam Apple. And good for
him if he pulled it off -
we're all a bunch of cowboys.
But there's no way he should
get any support on the "poor
little kid" front when it
backfires. If he gave it a
shot, fine, good for him, but
his insistence is just
embarrassing. And so is your

Bronwyn Howard

"We're all a bunch of

Did you type this message on
your laptop, while you were
out ridin' the range and
ropin' dogies?

Suck stands by its contention
that there's nothing more
magical than making a child's
dream come true.

Yr tenderfoot pal,


Fish With Letter Icon

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