The Fish
for 11 March 1999. Updated every WEEKDAY.
 
 
Suck Staff
 

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff
Editor in Chief

 

Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director

 

[the fixin' pixie... ]
Emily Hobson
Production Manager
and Rhythm Guitar

 

Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor

 

[Ian Connelly]
Ian Connelly
Marketing Manager

 

[Copy Edit]
Erica Gies
and
Merrill Gillaspy

Copy Editors









	
Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text
 

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman
Co-Founder

 

Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor

 

Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch
Suckgineer

 

Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor

 


T. Jay Fowler

Production Manager

& Ass Kicker

 

[yes, it's a plunger. i'll l
eave the rest up to your imagination ... ]
Erin Coull
Production Manager

 

Monte Goode
Monte Goode
Ghost in the Machine

 

Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

Hit & Run

Subject: Gack! No more media
on media!

Dear Sucksters,

The bit on Purple Moon in
today's Hit & Run left me
gagging. I am tired of
listening to self-conscious
journalists slam each other
for not getting the story
right, screwing up their
fact-checking, or trying
to cover up a stupid mistake
(I am referring, of course,
to Suck's obsessing over the
linked or mislinked Purple
Moon articles in The Wall
Street Journal
.) Outside of
journalists, who gives a
damn? So the WSJ screwed up
and tried to cover its
tracks. Big deal! Bashing
the WSJ looks as jealousy-
driven as bashing Wired Digital.
It's an easy and tired
routine.

The big point of the Purple
Moon story is that a market
research-based company that
sought to dominate an
as-yet-untapped market (girls
and computer games) went
belly up because it put
aside innovation for
marketing and created
products that sucked -
probably because of, rather
than in spite of, all of Paul
Allen's money. At any rate,
that's a story any one who
reads Commodify Your Dissent
(Suck's demographic?) could
feel smug about. Hooray! An
example of market-based
failure in a market economy!

All bitching aside, the rest
of today's Hit & Run was
pretty damn funny,
particularly the interview
with the Generation X poetry
impresario. Thanks!

Wesley Hall
<whall@sirius.com>

Wesley,

You have a point, but you're
missing one crucial factor:
We don't care if nobody
except other journalists
cares about this stuff,
because it's precisely by
tweaking those other
journalists that we generate
buzz and cred and get noticed
for the higher-paying jobs we
so covet. I'd also say Suck
has become less obsessed with
minor journalistic
peccadilloes over the years.

And come on - another
reference to The Baffler? Am
I completely alone in my
belief that The Baffler is
worthless? Am I the only one
who noticed their little
mission statement saying, "We
call our research methods
'thinking.' We call our
journalism 'writing'"? Yuck!

Yr pal,

Bartel

 
Fish With Letter Icon
 

Not to be a smartass, but I
was just punching in names
for Web sites and you guys
came up. What the hell is it
about?

<Stky48@aol.com>

What is it with this rash of
people writing in with
variations on the claim, "I
was just typing random
letters in the URL field and
suddenly by happenstance the
letters S-U-C-K formed in a
row, and the next thing I
knew, your site came up!"
Can't you just come out and
say, "Where's the porn?"

Yr pal,

Bartel

 
Fish With Letter Icon
 

Having been in Germany the
past couple of years, my link to
the finger on the pulse of
America is Suck. I just
returned from a few days in
Dublin and was finally able
to see this Ally McBeal show
that has been featured many a
time. I know it goes against
your review-BEFORE-seeing
policy, but my impression of
the show was that everyone
was speaking in Capt. J. T.
Kirk staccato: "I ... I had a
great time ... tonight ...
even ... though you're ...
you're only 15 and all." Do
they always talk like this?

Tom out
Thomas G. Horvath
<thorvath@mpil-schlitz.mpg.de>

How are we supposed to know?
None of us has ever seen it.

Yr pal,

Bartel

 
Fish With Letter Icon
 

Rimbaud? RIMBAUD? You guys
have got to get out more. And
since when does Tim read
medieval French?

Alan

Rimbaud is 19th-century
French and, as far as I
know, still an inspiration
for teenage versifiers
exploring the darker reaches
of adolescent genius. A few
years ago he was even played
by Leonardo DiCaprio, with
Leo at his poetic foxiest!

You may be thinking of
Villon, the "Snows of
Yesteryear" guy.

Yr pal,

tim

 
Fish With Letter Icon
 

Dear Bartel,

I found a quote I thought you
might enjoy. Germany's
foreign minister Joschka
Fischer was interviewed on
national TV last Tuesday in
Rambouillet and was asked if
the coalition between the
European Union and the United
States was crumbling. He
responded, "I sat next to Ms.
Albright the whole day and
didn't notice any crumbling."
Is it time to consider a
politics-related version of
Ditherati?

Greetings from the olde
worlde,

d.pool
<dh_@gmx.net>

D.,

Madeline Albright is way
cool. Did you catch her at
the Kosovo peace talks,
wearing a cowboy hat and a
smart suit? That's the way
every American statesperson
should dress, if you ask me.
See the current issue of Life
magazine for an action photo
of Clinton teaching her how
to bowl while Hillary, arms
folded, looks on from a
distance. She's a team player and
a compact powerhouse who
doesn't mince words with
despots! In short, Albright
fills my diplomatic pouch!

Yr pal,

Bartel

 
Fish With Letter Icon
 
French Tickler

Your article is well in line
with the outstanding quality
of the writings hosted by
Suck. Congratulations.

But ...

The punishment inflicted by
the French on Germany after
World War I was really too
much. The hyperinflation and,
hence, instability of the
Weimar Republic was due to
the huge amount of money the
government of the country, most
of whose working-age males
were dead, had to pay to
France. If it's true the
French live to humiliate and
defeat the British (and
everyone else except their
already-defeated colonies,
toward which they are more
paternalistically
benevolent), this is twice as
true for the "much more
neighboring" Germans. If you
recall that the word France comes
from Frankreich, not from
Galois, you get an idea of
the favorite target of
French revanchisme. This is
without counting the coal and
iron of German-speaking
Alsace.

Jacques Brel was already
Belgian.

I would not dance on somebody
else's economic grave while
sitting on a big bubble about
to burst, despite the
wackiness of his economic
theories (which unluckily are
leaking to Italy).

Maybe you should have
substituted "self-centered" for
"balanced."

Guido Gambardella
<tddge@box2.tin.it>

Dear Guido:

The war reparations issue is
indeed more complicated than
a couple-line gag, I agree.
But it's not necessarily much
funnier.

Thanks for the kind words
otherwise,

Regards,

Eugen

 
Fish With Letter Icon
 

Hit & Run

After more than a year of spending
15 minutes a day reading Suck
and then an hour each day
referencing links,
dictionaries, People
magazine, and a Roget's
Thesaurus to make sure I'm
enough of a cognoscente to
justify how hard I'm
laughing, I've chosen to
break ranks with the smug
silence of your truly cool
readership to join the
hypersalivating losers who
have nothing better to do
than write the editors of
online publications. I wrote
to MSNBC a couple of times just
to hone my reader-response
voice.

Anyone with the name Marlow
Peerse Weaver shouldn't be
involved with poetry on any
scale whatsoever, unless it's
a quatrain competition with
the local chapter of the
Society for Creative
Anachronism, Pantaloons and
All. Any serious Gen X poet
would have to pause at the
very least and scratch his or
her soul patch before submitting
to a Gen X anthology compiled
by a boomer with a stupid
name and '60s counterculture
credentials. Weaver's oozing
enthusiasm over the "colorful
patchwork" he's stitching
together and his penchant for
using fonts for emphasis
tell me he's got all the
luster of a self-appointed
co-chair of a five-year class
reunion. I can only hope he
isn't donating the proceeds
to fight AIDS.

As a poet and spoken-word
performer who has languished
through more than 10 years of open
mics brimming with barely
literate spinoffs of Dylan,
Ginsberg, and Morrison, I can
say with conviction that the
sooner Weaver's generation of
poetry dies, the better. He's
so mired in his own
philanthropy toward us Lost
Children that he's failed to
notice he now sports the
moniker The Man. Fight the
power!

I hope this letter is good
enough to print - otherwise
the sacrifice of my Silent
Suckster status will have
been in vain.

John Kusch
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
<jkusch@mcw.edu>

John,

I don't know. It seems to me
Marlow Peerse Weaver is
probably the greatest poetry
name anybody could have, most
of all for that wonderful
variant spelling of Peerse.
And that counts for
uncapitalized imagist shaped
verse as much as it does for
potpourri-scented sonnets
written with a quill. Can't
you see the album now,
written in a spidery Shelley
Volante BT: Emotions
Recollected in Tranquility, a
Nosegay in Verse,
by Marlow
Peerse Weaver? Any Xer worth
his or her mountain bike should be
proud to be associated with a
moniker like that.

Yr pal, Bartel

 
Fish With Letter Icon
 

Yeah, he's right. I'd prefer
to be called post-boomer
about as much as Malcolm X
would enjoy being referred to
as nonwhite.

Why won't they just die
already?

La Chingona
<Mychingona@aol.com>

La Chingona,

There you have the theory of
demographic relativity in a
nutshell. Here's a Ralph
Ellison quote:

"Said a young white professor
of English to me after a
lecture out in northern
Illinois, 'Mr. E., how does
it feel to be able to go to
places where most black men
can't go?' Said I to him,
'What you mean is, how does
it feel to be able to go
places where most white men
can't go.'"

Then again, Ellison called
himself an Invisible Man.

Yr pal,

Bartel

 
Fish With Letter Icon
 

Isn't it just like a baby
boomer to prefer the term
post-boomers to Generation X?
And more to the point, to
come to the conclusion that
we do too?

Thanks to Dr. Spock, William
Levitt, and the Brothers
Gibb, this whole demographic
has ambled through their
so-called lives laboring
under the delusion that the
world is constructed in terms
relative to them. But how
much narcissism does it take
to define the next generation
in those terms too?

I've accepted the fact that
I'll be living in the shadow
of the baby boomers for
another 30 years or so. (I
eagerly await the
congressional hearings on the
Depends shortage of 2025.)
The only thing that keeps me
from self-immolation today is
the knowledge that with a
little luck I'll have 10 or
so years at The End when I
won't have to suffer these
self-involved whiners telling
me what I think.

Wayne();
<Wayne.Mesard@East.Sun.com>

Wayne,

Maybe you could cheer
yourself up by designating
your own age group the "Wayne
Mesard generation" or even
"Generation W" (which should
definitely be pronounced in
the demotic "double-yuh").
Then preceding and succeeding
generations could be "The
Pre-Generation Double-yuhs,"
the "Post-Generation
Double-yuhs," etc.

Yr pal,

Bartel

 
Fish With Letter Icon
 

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