The Fish
for 22 January 1999. Updated every WEEKDAY.
 
 
Suck Staff
 

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff
Editor in Chief

 

Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director

 

[the fixin' pixie... ]
Emily Hobson
Production Manager
and Rhythm Guitar

 

Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor

 

[Ian Connelly]
Ian Connelly
Marketing Manager

 

[Copy Edit]
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Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text
 

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman
Co-Founder

 

Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor

 

Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch
Suckgineer

 

Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor

 


T. Jay Fowler

Production Manager

& Ass Kicker

 

[yes, it's a plunger. i'll l
eave the rest up to your imagination ... ]
Erin Coull
Production Manager

 

Monte Goode
Monte Goode
Ghost in the Machine

 

Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

Details, Details

Polly, Polly, Polly ...

I am so sorry. All this time
I never knew. Now I am sure I
understand you. You poor
thing! You must have been one
of those graduates of the
Brain Behavioral Studies
departments when universities
had way too many students to
know what to do with. Well, I
am very glad you found
something to do with your
analytical skills and ability
to "compartmentalize" the
information being handed to
you at the end of the
millennium. At least you are
employed and published. Maybe
things will turn out better
for you. Keep in mind that
the author of the Origins of
Consciousness and the
Breakdown of the Bicameral
Mind
passed away without
hardly a mention. So it is
not likely anyone will be
scrutinized as a "throw back
to the age when information
came to us as hearing voices
in our heads." Keep making
those charts and multiple
choice tests. We all need to
know who we really are. Those
skills still have relevance
to people like me who have a
need to know where in the
maze we think we are. Just
think, you could be one of
the people that inherited the
job of making up another list
for Harper's, and you wouldn't
be getting any mail
whatsoever.

jharford
<jharford@weebotech.com>

Well, it looks like you're
employed, and now you can say
you're published, too!

Thanks for helping me to know
who I really am.

Feeling understood,

Polly

 
Fish With Letter Icon
 

Subject: STOP!

quoting pomo lit crit. It's
shameless, boring, and
superficial. You'd be better
off quoting Pee-wee Herman.
He has more street cred.

Disgusted,

Andy LaValle
<andy@imagemusictext.com>

It's shocking to you that a
column called Filler would
quote stuff that's shameless,
boring, and superficial? Or
"pomo lit crit" is shameless,
boring, and superficial, even
when it's in the context of a
cartoon about how quoting
"pomo lit crit" is shameless,
boring, and superficial?

Actually, what could be more
shameless, boring, and
superficial than writing to
the author of a cartoon about
how quoting "pomo lit crit"
is shameless, boring, and
superficial and telling her
that quoting "pomo lit crit"
is shameless, boring, and
superficial? You are either
missing the point of the
cartoon or going out of your
way to make it clear that
cartoons that concern "pomo
lit crit" in any way
thoroughly disgust you.

Shameless and superficial,
but not boring,

Polly

 
Fish With Letter Icon
 

Dearest Polly,

Longtime listener/first-time
caller.

While I follow your work with
the "giddiness of a call
girl," to re-coin a phrase, I
found the final page of the
"Detail Oriented/Detail
Ignorant" piece, where the
multiple choice quiz answers
boil down to "your mama," in
a word, cliché. It was
a trite ending to an
otherwise humorous piece. And
another thing: When are you
guys going to get back to
pillorying the powerful and
idiotic in a more incisive
way?

Brian Mahoney
<bmahoney@chronogram.com>

Your mama grows milkweed.

Polly

 
Fish With Letter Icon
 

Hit & Run

" ... but we've officially
given up hope that the Fat
Boys might regroup for
Disorderlies II."

This is made all the more
certain by the death of Fat
Boy Darren "the human beat
box" Robinson in 1995, I
imagine?

The Fat Boys were a talented
musical group, popular
because of their lyrics and
the innovations of the
above-mentioned Mr. Robinson.
Yeah, they were fat, but
that's not why you should be
remembering them.

Regards,

Matt Sawkill
(slightly pudgy)
<msawkill@pop.iprolink.co.nz>

Death didn't stop the Beatles
from getting back together or
Tupac from continuing to come
out with new movies. Lynyrd
Skynyrd went on for years
after most of the band died
in a plane crash, and Spinal
Tap is still going strong.
Elvis is bigger than ever.
Being dead has never been a
bar to popular music success.

Besides, we mentioned
Disorderlies because we like
it. Why do people think we're
always being sarcastic?

Sucksters

 
Fish With Letter Icon
 

Didn't one of the Fat Boys
die a few years back?

That might make the sequel a
bit difficult, especially if
it was the human beat box
who, uh, kicked it.

(Oh, that was a bad pun. My
apologies.)

Anyway,

Maura Johnston.
<maura@unpopular.com>

You're right on both counts.
The HBB began scratching with
the Eternal MCs in 1995.

But you know, Ralph Bellamy,
the elderly but sprightly
Caucasian who co-starred with
the Boys in Disorderlies
passed on in 1991, and
nobody's complained that
we're dissing him. I think
that's reverse racism. In
fact, I think it's ageism. In
fact, I say it's a hate
crime!

Bartel

 
Fish With Letter Icon
 

Subject: Fat!So? Yeah!!

Hey, Sucksters!!

When I saw your lead story
about Fat!So? this morning, I
gave Marilyn Wann a call to
let her know that she made it
into Suck. Knowing that she
is an avid Suck reader and
that she is currently
offline, I had to read it to
her over the phone. She has
one question for you: What
brand of cigarettes does Mr.
McClure recommend in his
film? She thinks it is
probably Laramie's, but it is
important to get your facts
straight before you put
something into print, as you
well know. Other than that,
the news of getting "sucked"
pleased her!
Neal Johnson

<njohnson@uop.edu>

Of course it's Laramie's. We
hope Marilyn liked the hype.
This was that rare case where
we kid because we love, and
there's so much to love.

Bartel

 
Fish With Letter Icon
 

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