The Fish
for 17 December 1998. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff
Editor in Chief


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


[the fixin' pixie... ]
Emily Hobson
Production Manager
and Rhythm Guitar


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor


[Ian Connelly]
Ian Connelly
Marketing Manager


[Copy Edit]
Copy Edit

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


T. Jay Fowler

Production Manager

& Ass Kicker


[yes, it's a plunger. i'll l
eave the rest up to your imagination ... ]
Erin Coull
Production Manager


Monte Goode
Monte Goode
Ghost in the Machine


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager


Recently on a film set, the
hair stylist showed me her
can of Bed Head, a thick,
waxy gel designed to mimic
the effect of its namesake.
She swears Bed Head is the
next big thing and that it is
already used by male
Hollywood stars who want that
"messy" look.

All the best,

David Harrison

I expect that Stephen Jenkins
of Third Eye Blind has a
whole closet full of this

Yes, Hollywood has always
been on the vanguard of
vanity-based technology - jet
skis, for example, were
invented for the 1977 James
Bond film The Spy Who Loved

Paging through a copy of
Wallpaper this weekend, I saw
an ad for Diesel's winter
line - the models were
sporting long icicles from
their noses. Fashion should
be painful, right?

Thanks for your note -

E. L. Skinner

Fish With Letter Icon

What is frightening to me is
that not only have I no idea
how much of this piece on
cosmetics to simulate weather
damage is invented and how
much (if any) is real, I'm
not even sure how to find
out. I mean, clear sticky
mascara that is supposed to
look like ice crystals makes
some sense, but fake shiny
snot for the upper lip does
not. Although it is easy to
imagine one of those SoCal
means-east types going to
great lengths to generate a
"Minnesota look," perhaps for
a movie? And then someone
who's like, famous, and in
this movie where they have
been made up to look cold -
Gina Davis perhaps - is
taking a break for lunch
without cleaning it all off,
and gets, um, sighted by a
celebrity-watcher, perhaps
photographed in the makeup,
and the next thing you know
Revlon is selling fake snot
at fine cosmetics counters
all across our great nation.
Is that what happened?

David L Nicol

It wouldn't be the first time
we were all more-or-less
bewildered by what the
experts call "high fashion,"

Actually, the Minnesota Look
is a good call - this
specialized subgenre of
Low-High Fashion cycles in
and out of popularity, and
has a number of expressions -
such as flannel shirts,
stocking caps, down coats,
and hockey franchises in

Keep up the good work -

E. L. Skinner

Fish With Letter Icon

The terms Eskimo and Inuit
refer to the same people.

Douglas Heath

Thanks for the clarification.
If we weren't so busy smoking
dope and making sure Dawson's
gets beamed into
Manitoba, we'd have seen this
oversight. Then again,
redundancy is what we do
best. And we often repeat
ourselves. Because it seemed
to work so well the first

E. L. Skinner

Fish With Letter Icon

Hit & Run

Subject: Zaniness is needed

You know, every once in
awhile I find myself perusing
through The Fish. It often
occurs to me that
many of the views
take a minute or
so to concoct and can be
considered "crazy" at most. You
seem to be lacking a level of
zaniness that used to be present
in your articles. Where are
opinions like, "Mao Tse-tung
is a yellow-bellied,
short-sighted, zany communist
dwarf" (that was a partial
quote from Rush Limbaugh ...
in keeping with the
under-a-minute tradition, I
didn't look up the actual
quote). That's it.

Joel McKellar

Post Script: Why not "a
phish, a barrel, and a
smoking gun"?

Not to fear, Josh. History
has shown again and again
that just when zaniness is
needed, wackiness ensues.

Rush Limbaugh really insulted
Mao? Man, he doesn't care
whose toes he steps on!


Fish With Letter Icon

Subject: The opposite of

The last couple of days I've
had a running debate with
several people regarding what
exactly is the polar opposite
of irony. Initially, I leaned
toward sincerity but was
told that's more the opposite
of sarcasm. Now I tend to
identify authenticity as
the leading candidate but
still lack real satisfaction.
So I figured Suck, being
Suck, you guys would be able
to help or at least find
somebody who can ...

Sincerely (if not

Mike Brutvan

Wow. The opposite of irony is
authenticity? What a sublime
example of how popular
culture can distort and twist
the meanings of words and the
understanding of simple
concepts. Current trends
indicate that irony is bad in
pretty much the same way that
cynicism and sarcasm and
pessimism and insincerity are
bad, right? So they all mean
pretty much the same thing.
So the opposite of any of
those words could be
something good like
straightforwardness or
sincerity or optimism or

Authenticity! There's a word bandied
about so often in advertising
that the word authentic
itself strikes most people as
inauthentic. That means
it's ironic, cynical,
pessimistic, insincere, and
just plain bad.

It sounds like you need to
incite running debates with
people who actually have

Bad Mike. Bad, bad Mike!

Fish With Letter Icon

Dear Sucksters,

I recently stumbled across your
site and found it profoundly
refreshing. Hats off and
hip-hip for you and your
approach to the current
events of the world. No sissy
stuff here; I'm impressed!
It's intelligent, well written,
witty, and in good taste -
a fair exchange for rummaging
through the cyber trash. I plan
to visit the site regularly
and let the world in
on my new-found secret:
I'm getting something for my
hard-earned US$25
a month. Thanks and
keep up the good work!



Thank you for your un-ironic
sincerity, sir. We admire
your optimistic authenticity.

Working is always good!


Fish With Letter Icon

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