The Fish
for 10 December 1998. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff
Editor in Chief


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


[the fixin' pixie... ]
Emily Hobson
Production Manager
and Rhythm Guitar


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor


[Ian Connelly]
Ian Connelly
Marketing Manager


[Copy Edit]
Copy Edit

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


T. Jay Fowler

Production Manager

& Ass Kicker


[yes, it's a plunger. i'll l
eave the rest up to your imagination ... ]
Erin Coull
Production Manager


Monte Goode
Monte Goode
Ghost in the Machine


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

Cap'n Credit Crunch


Good observation. I recall
reading the Journal story
about lending to the retarded
and thinking, "Surely there is
some form of consumer
information that would
indicate these people are ill
suited for a revolving credit
product?" And since my
business frequently deals
with large banks and lenders,
I took the opportunity to ask
them about it. My clients'
response: "We have the
ability to discover anything
and everything about a
prospective loan applicant,
including any disabilities."

Fitting, then, that these
people who can find out
"anything and everything"
about whatever they wish
frequently have the lack of
vision and foresight to stay
out of financial trouble.

All of which is a long way of
saying: Thanks for the
interesting and dead-on

Scott Ballew

I have no doubt that these
companies are using highly
sophisticated credit-scoring
software and simply skipping
over information like:
Employer: Taco John's.

But the fun's just starting.
Wait until Phil Gramm gets
picked to plant his butt in
the Chair of the Senate
Banking Committee. For a guy
who failed the third,
seventh, and ninth grades, I
bet his credit's impeccable.


Fish With Letter Icon

My spies led me to your page.
Many thanks not only for the
mention, but also for having
read that far into my book.
Doesn't happen often.

James K. Galbraith

Thanks for reading, Professor
Galbraith. We hope accessing
our page doesn't provoke any
overzealous UT snoops to
terminate your Net

And by the way, we think your
prose got a bum rap in The
New York Times.

Say hi to Michael King at The
Texas Observer
for us,


Fish With Letter Icon

This is a form of flame that
I hope you read. If you had
the brains to read than I
hope that you will study
economics before you spout
off left-wing shit. George
Reisman in his book
Capitalism blowes away fools
like Galbraith by the gross.
You may find this above you
as it only deals with
provable facts, instead of
pre-packaged floating
abstractions like you site. I
love my life and know that I
am best at doing what is
right for me. You are
promoting state control "for
the good of all of us." Hey
shit head, what makes you the
moral dictator? If what you
wish came true here we would
have one more example like E.
Germany or the old USSR to
look at. Only now you prick,
it is the USA that you want
to fuck. Either you are a
budding Hitler type or you
have been sucked in by the
fools on the left. Either
way, for now most of us just
laugh at your kind of
thinking. It is fortunats
that you do not have any
power to make us victoms of
your 1/2 baked thinking.



Recipe for Suck du Jour:

1 email account
1 Web browser
1/3 mastery of language of
1/2 baked thinking
Simmer several hours. Season
to taste.


Proud to be an American,
where at least I know I'm
free to be called a "budding
Hitler type" for thinking
Alan Greenspan is a
intentioned doofus,


Fish With Letter Icon
Pile Driver

Do you, or your prestigious
Web-developing staff, have a
list or link to the database
of previous Fillers? I like
the site as it is and read it
daily, if I can. But, I like
the Fillers and Terry Colon's
artwork, it brightens my day
here at Ohio State sometimes
when I am down. Just a
thought. Thanks.

Christopher Banyots

If Suck is your lifeline when
things are bad, you are in
big, big trouble. The last
guy to rely on us in this
fashion is now serving
20-to-life at San Quentin.
With that said, you may
access the Filler archive at:

or the entire menu of Suck's

... as you wish. Be strong.

Ambrose Beers

Fish With Letter Icon

I really like your articles,
but I like to print them out
for my computerless friend
next-door. So why do you
extend your message over so
many pages?

Don Conley

Because we don't like your
computerless friend

We thought you knew.

Ambrose Beers

Fish With Letter Icon
Cap'n Credit Crunch

Dear Mr. LeTeXan,

I have to agree with you
about the "dumber than a
barrel of hair." Why, oh why,
oh why are we constantly on
the receiving end of the
financial phallus? Were it
not for the yucking up of
issues like these from the
marginal clout of those such
as yourselves, there would be
no publicity of our
ever-widening anal orifices
(where's John Waters when you
really need him?). Moreover,
simple tho' the actual
implementation of the money
swapping game truly is
(especially when compared
with such monstrously
horrendous rectal probes as
Microsoft Windoze), the
"feds," the "economists," and
all those bald, jowled,
than-a-barrel-of-hair types
insist on spewing jargon that
both misleads and induces one
to run off and drown a pail
of Advil with a bottle of
moonshine, in an effort to
maintain sanity!

We screwees are by far more
numerous than the
aforementioned hairless ones.
Yet we find ourselves serfed
on in more-or-less medieval
manner by the conspirators.
Naturally, since I get my
morning yuks and inspiration
from you lot, I would like to
vote you into position of
campaigning against our
tormentors. Or at least as
leaders in the insurrection
that MUST come.

Actually, come to think of
it, I'd like to nominate you
to the Sucksters for Prez
campaign. Hey, if Ted Turner,
who never gave us a laugh
that wasn't laced, can run
for the sacred role of chief
unzipper, you bunch can
definitely muster up the
popular rally of support! And
once you get there, hopefully
there will be an ample supply
of lubrication to ease our
plight, at least until you
too succumb to the pleasures
of the post.

Thanks for getting me pissed
off at the latest round of
overlord insanity.

Chip Chip.


crew of this Web site has a
bit of intelligence.... Why
don't you find something more
creative and uplifting for
people to read instead of
your sarcasm. This world is
messed up and I believe that
you could probably offer
something that might be
encouraging. Think about it.
Everyone does have the right
to free speech ... but don't
bore us with the same thing
we are getting from others
... find a new outlet.


John B.

You're absolutely right.

Can I borrow a thousand

In your debt (with any luck),

Fish With Letter Icon

Dear Tex:

The Prophet (peace be on his
name) prohibited the lending
of money at interest. Rabbi
Joshua ben-Yosef (late of
Nazareth) was reported to
have kicked the moneylenders
out of the Temple. And now

Do we sense a common theme
here? If so, it may relate in
some way to the connection
between wealthy individuals
and either the ocular orbs of
humped desert beasts or the

Alan Kornheiser

I think you may be on to
something here. But you left
the connecting point that I'm
really, really looking
forward to The Prince of

By the way, can I borrow a
thousand dollars?

Emphatically vatic,


Fish With Letter Icon

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