The Fish
for 19 November 1998. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff
Editor in Chief


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


[the fixin' pixie... ]
Emily Hobson
Production Manager
and Rhythm Guitar


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor


[Ian Connelly]
Ian Connelly
Marketing Manager


[Copy Edit]
Copy Edit

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


T. Jay Fowler

Production Manager

& Ass Kicker


[yes, it's a plunger. i'll l
eave the rest up to your imagination ... ]
Erin Coull
Production Manager


Monte Goode
Monte Goode
Ghost in the Machine


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

Ad Infinitum

Subject: I can't believe ...

... you used the word
"cojones" in your 6 November
1998 Suck ever since I saw
it used on some sitcom
commercial. (I can't remember
what sitcom or what network
for that matter. How's that
for successful advertising?)

To follow this tired path,
could you use "hella cool"
popquiz.shtml) in your next


Dear Tony,


Fish With Letter Icon

Subject: Pundit

You gotta come up with a new word
for "pundit." "Pundit" is
used by William Safire, so it
must be really stupid.

How about "blowhard?"

Or maybe "self-described




I agree, a new term is in
order; "pundit" is played. It
might be more accurate to
specify a unique term for each particular
pundit (e.g., compromised
GOP lapdog spotted at a
spring-training titty bar
(George Will);
tree trunk-legged, smug-fuck
Hobbit professionally
betraying/defending the
cad-hick who gave him a life
(George Snuffleupagus);
bottle-blond Republican
chickie valiantly sleeping
her way to the middle (take
your pick) ...

Let's work on it. That ends
up being too many words on
the screen, maybe ...

TV adds 10 pounds, James

Fish With Letter Icon
Filler: Blind Negativity

Subject: This is not kosher.

Dear Lumpy Ms. Grumpy,

All right, I know that this
insensitive curmudgeon thing
is, like, integral to your
brand identity and all, and
maybe you actually believe in
glib remarks as a style of
rhetoric, but you really
should watch your ass when
you tread on the reputations
of my Arab brothers. You and
I both know that tucking The
Arabs way down low on the
Polite and Reliable chart was
sort of a friendly jibe, not
only at the Chosen of Allah
but also at the shallowness
of the Western worldview. But
you're starting to beat
around a dangerous bush. Just
ask Salman Rushdie or the
producers of The Siege.

I'm about to get sidetracked
here: OK, so celebrity
posturing aside, Hollywood is
notorious for misrepresentations
and presenting dangerous
and insensitive stereotypes
at the drop of a hat, which
is why The Siege's release
was delayed. Arab groups
protested its anti-Faithful
message, and some face lifting
was required. But does anyone
remember True Lies?

What was I ranting about? I

Sharif don't like it,

Sheik Yerboutis

This is very suspicious. Don't you
mean "This is not Halal"?

Arabs are more polite and
hospitable than any other
people on the planet. But
they're completely
unreliable. Any plan you make
with Arabs is doomed to
failure because everybody
inevitably arrives two hours
late. Even Arabs acknowledge

No French people wrote in to
tell me that French people
are, in fact, polite. No
Germans wrote in to tell me
that German people are both
reliable and polite. What's
your beef, man?

Don't tell me about Arabs. I
read The Stranger.

Ignorantly Yours,


Fish With Letter Icon

What's with all the Bob Hope
references lately? There was one in
today's Filler about Lovable
Old People Who Deserve to
Die and another in Fish

I read Suck as a distraction
from the stress of my job;
not to be reminded of it! I
must request that
you please refrain from
references to Bob Hope or the
USO in future Suck columns. I
thank you in advance for your

BTW, I see Terry is drawing
you with a new sweater. Very

Scott C. Gruber

Dear Scott,

I will immediately adjust my
column to suit your very
special needs.

This level of attention is
yours mostly because you
noticed my new sweater. I
love it. I love my new

This song is about me,


Fish With Letter Icon

In the third panel of
the first page of the 4 November
Filler, Polly is wearing a
different sweater. Was this
done to emphasize ...
wait, this is some sort of
trick, right? Or maybe it is
some sort of secret.... wait,
oh now I get it, you're just
trying to ... no, wait, I'm
not sure.


D Krueger

It took years of begging
Terry to get rid of what
appeared to be a mock
turtleneck with multiple
buttons (hauntingly similar
to The Limited's fall '82
collection), but finally, a
new sweater is mine! Who'd
have guessed it would be
quite so fabulous? Yes, it
looks slightly like something
a Deadhead might wear to an
outdoor concert, but the
colors really do wonders for
my complexion, in spite
of that end table-shaped head
of mine.

This song is also about me,


Fish With Letter Icon

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