The Fish
for 16 November 1998. Updated every WEEKDAY.
 
 
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Production Manager

& Ass Kicker

 

[yes, it's a plunger. i'll l
eave the rest up to your imagination ... ]
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Ghost in the Machine

 

Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

Doctor Who?

And yet, by the end of the
article, i still know next to
nothing about david satcher,
but i know plenty of stuff about
jocelyn elders and c. everett
koop that i already knew.
other than that, good column.

Admiring your qualifications
and semantic incoherence ...

Jim Kuemmerle
<J.Kuemmerle@m.cc.utah.edu>

Some info for you: David
Satcher was born on the
planet Krypton. As a small
child, his parents put him on
a rocket bound for earth,
where he grew up to become a
doctor who later became
Surgeon General. His
multiple-personality disorder
was the basis of the TV show
Eight is Enough, starring
Dick Van Patten in the title
role. Despite showing great
promise as a super hero,
Satcher was elevated to the
office of Surgeon General and
was never heard from again.

Mr. M

 
Fish With Letter Icon
 

Please can you get me off the
email list for Suck. I would
appreciate it very much.

You can catch more flies with
honey than with vinegar.

Manja Argue
<margue@northcoast.com>

But let's face it, baby: You
can catch even more flies
with shit than with honey.
Or, as Bob Dylan put it in
"Precious Angel" on the Slow
Train Coming
LP (back in
those crazy days when they
still had records and Dylan
still had Christ), "You
either got faith or unbelief,
there ain't no neutral
ground.... I just can't make
it without you, I'm a little
too blind to see."

Yrs,

Mr. M

 
Fish With Letter Icon
 

When did Reagan lionize SS
officers?

Tom Castle
<Tom@asizip.com>

Hey look, we were all crazy
in the '80s, when video
killed the radio star and the
boys of summer paved over
Walden Pond with Joni
Mitchell. Let me point you
toward the Ramones' take on the
subject: To wit, "Bonzo Goes
to Bitburg."

Certainly Bitburg rings a
bell ...

Mr. M

 
Fish With Letter Icon
 

Just thought I'd note a
couple of points respecting your
2 November rant (which was
quite good, of course):

Regarding " ... the barely visible
footsteps of Antonia Novello,
who occupied the position in
the interim between Koop
and Elders. Like her
similarly named counterpart
in the world of TV comedy,
Don "Father Guido Sarducci"
Novello, she managed to make
virtually no impression on
the public ... "

1. It's not surprising that they
might be considered similar.
Don and Antonia are reputed
to be cousins. "Counterpart?"

2. This is not such a fair statement.
Father Sarducci was well
regarded in Boston not only
for his relatively
high-profile and funny stuff
on SNL but for his exorcism
of Fenway Park. OK, so it
didn't work: So? His alter
ego, Lazlo Toth, compiled a
couple of classic books of
letters. They made quite an
impression on the thinking
public at least.

My two cents.

Sincerely,

Manuel Hernandez
<hernm@pegasystems.com>

1. The connection between
unremarkable Surgeon General
AN and unremarkable TV comic
DN has been noted and is
fascinating, even if it does
support a bell curve sort of
genetic argument regarding the
Novello clan. What was the
genes/culture split Martin
and Lewis (or was it Rowan
and Martin) bandied about in
TBC: 60/40? Perhaps the harsh
environment of Boston - a
city made famous by Ben
Franklin's leaving it -
accounts for your conclusion.

2. Lazlo Toth is indeed
funny, which is prima facie
evidence that Don Novello is
not in fact Lazlo Toth. Thus
I refute you, Dan Akroyd.

Cogito ergo bum,

Mr. M

 
Fish With Letter Icon
 

Doctor Who?

I thought you Sucksters would
have all been for
masturbation. I thought you'd even want
to elevate it to a national
sport and pastime. The hot
question is whether a circle
jerk is actually masturbating
or not.

Kendall
<kredburn@echip.com>

Let's get one thing straight:
Sucksters thrive on
masturbation, which passed
baseball as the national
pastime sometime during the
first Washington
administration. Whether
circle jerking is
masturbation is beyond the
purview of the Web site. Call
the Boy Scouts for an
official ruling.

On my honor,

Mr. M

 
Fish With Letter Icon
 

Mxyzptlk:

Nice essay on the
increasingly irrelevant post
of Surgeon General. (There are
a handful of others out there
in official Washington that
require the same treatment.) I
was surprised that you did
not pull a quotation from
President Clinton's statement
on the nomination of Dr.
Satcher. Bill periodically
referred to the candidate for
Surgeon General as Dr.
Hatcher and Dr. Thatcher.
It seems Dr. Satcher began his
career in government service in
much the same way he'll end
it - with people asking, "Dr.
Who?"

Alan Thomas
<alant@andrew.cmu.edu>

This is more good researched
info/humor. But I've got to
admit that I stopped reading
your letter after the first
line.

Reach for the stars but keep
your feet on the ground,

Mr. M

 
Fish With Letter Icon
 

A little research makes for
more comedy....

"Like her similarly named
counterpart in the world of
TV comedy, Don 'Father Guido
Sarducci' Novello," Dr.
Novello is Don Novello's
sister-in-law. Surely that
could have been worked in.

" ... she managed to make
virtually no impression on
the public, [which is] not a bad tactic
at all when your best schtick
is dressing up in a silly
costume and addressing
indifferent audiences who, if
you're lucky, will forget
they ever heard of you."

Sheesh. I'm disappointed.

Blake Sterzinger
<blasterz@usa.net>

No doubt about it, library
stacks are the place to find
comedy. But let me somewhat
paraplegically suggest that
not knowing or caring
who the fuck Don Novello or
Antonia Novello are related
to only proves
my point, whatever it is.

Mr. M (no relation)

 
Fish With Letter Icon
 

I have it on good authority
that Sen. Trent Lott has
been carrying on an affair
with a gay Labrador for at
least the last seven years.
This Labrador has been
arrested for shoplifting
hamburgers from Burger King
at least three times during
the seven-year period.
However, Sen. Lott has reportedly
used his influence
to suppress release of
criminal records in the
national criminal information computer
that would confirm this
information. An FBI
investigation of abuse of the
NCIC is reportedly now
under way.

Rep. Dick Armey has
reportedly been seen reading
the Book of Mormon, and rumor
has it that there is an
aquarium in his office
containing at least two white
salamanders. What he doesn't
want anybody to know is that
the white salamanders seem to
be quite intimate with each
other, and it looks like
they're both male. Rep. Armey
is undergoing a severe
psychological challenge to
his belief that queers are
sinners, since the white
salamanders have been
delivering scriptural
messages to him for the last
96 hours, extolling the
virtues of polygamy, and he
can't quite tell whether
they're talking about
heterosexual or homosexual
polygamy. What's a bigot to
do?

Newt Gingrich, Pat Robertson,
and Jerry Falwell were seen
leaving the Club Baths of
Baltimore within three
minutes of each other. John
Waters reportedly recorded
this on tape. Reporters
gathered immediately and
the Rev. Falwell told
reporters that he had been
there investigating reported
sodomy activity. He was noted
to be walking with a distinctly
painful gait, which he
attributed to an acute onset
of inflamed hemorrhoids.
Gingrich told reporters that
he had just been
participating in a conducted
tour of the baths, during
which he posed environmental
questions directed at the
possible bacterial
contamination of the benches
in the steam room. He said
that Republicans would not
stand for pollution. When
asked whether they would sit
for pollution, he had no
comment. He threatened the
reporters with exposure of
their religious beliefs if
they didn't leave him alone.
John Waters offered him a dog
turd, which he gratefully
accepted.

Ain't life grand?

Gene
<ggan@etgs.com>

Why is everyone writing us
letters that are clearly made
for publishing these days?

Sodomy, like pork fat, rules,
and life is indeed grand.

Happy Friday the 13th.

 
Fish With Letter Icon
 

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