The Fish
for 12 November 1998. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff
Editor in Chief


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


[the fixin' pixie... ]
Emily Hobson
Production Manager
and Rhythm Guitar


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor


[Ian Connelly]
Ian Connelly
Marketing Manager


[Copy Edit]
Copy Edit

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


T. Jay Fowler

Production Manager

& Ass Kicker


[yes, it's a plunger. i'll l
eave the rest up to your imagination ... ]
Erin Coull
Production Manager


Monte Goode
Monte Goode
Ghost in the Machine


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

Oedipus Wrecks

Simple solution: Turn off
the @#$@# television.


Well, I never actually
watched those shows; I just
read about them. But I am
thinking of cancelling my
subscription to TV Guide
because I'm always running
into people who've made a
choice to banish TV Guide
from their lives, and they
always seem so much better
for their sacrifice.


Fish With Letter Icon

My god, man! You watch Beverly
Hills 90210, Party of Five,
Dawson's Creek? I have lost
all respect for you. I have
only had the chance to view
these shows when forced to by
female companionship.

Is Dawson's Creek a Canadian
show? Party of Five was
originally a CBC production.
And Jason Priestly is a
Canadian from Scarbourough
(Toronto). Maybe no
self-respecting Canadian can
watch all this trash. Is
someone trying to subvert the
American Mind?

Maybe the fact that kids in
the States go on killing
sprees is directly related to
the fact that you have guns
everywhere. There is a
thought; I don't have them
that often.

Bill Pringlemeir
Toronto, On.

You are not going to goad me
into any of the usual Suck
Canada-bashing; I think
Canadians are great, and I
wish that Americans had even
a fraction of their good
humor, humility, and
all-around decency.

Regarding guns, it's not
guns or even bullets that
kill people: It's large
deep-tissue wounds, lacerated
organs, and loss of blood
that kills people. And I
don't see how you can really
legislate that, so what's the
point of cracking down on


Fish With Letter Icon

Fish Threats

Subject: your white

As good as your site is, I
cannot help but think that
you are all ignorant white
fucks. For example, when
replying to a letter from
Robert Berger, you said, and
I quote, "Bring it on,
motherfucker! We've got a
fresh can of whoop ass with
your name on it right here!"
This was amusing, but it
would have been more "real"
if you had said something to
the extent of the following:
"Bitch, step! Step,
muthafucka! I dare ya punk
ass to step. I dare you, you
pussy bitch. I'll smack you
upside your crack head like I
did your sister when she gave
me whack head last night,
bitch!" Your response was
more in the stone-cold, Steve
Austin vein. Get with the times,


"Real"? Who said anything
about "real"?

Fish With Letter Icon

Subject: Suck CAN be a teen

So the Sucksters are worried
about fading into
thirtysomething oblivion, eh?
Well as an 18-year-old daily
reader of your scandal sheet,
I thought I'd canvass some of
my fellow teens to see what
exactly they would like
to see in Suck, since I'm out of
touch with teen tastes
myself. I came up with:

1) Extreme sports and their
related beverages

2) Ska and its inbred cousin neo-swing

3) South Park

4) Summer alt-rock anthems from Sugar
Ray, Third Eye Blind, etc.

5) More episode synopses from
HBO's Perversions of
(It was later
determined the submitter of
#5 was 20 and
chemically altered, making
her opinions irrelevant.)

6) South Park

So I guess you'd probably
better start squeezing as
many of these references as you can
in to Suck pronto, or you're gonna start
losing the vital 15- to
19-year-old readership to someone
who KNOWS how to speak the
kids language: Matt Drudge!

Davin Kolderup

The only thing that's vital
about 15- to 19-year-olds is
the precious oils pouring out
of their glands.

Fish With Letter Icon

Oedipus Wrecks

Did you read the book?

Just curious.


It didn't seem necessary,
given Harris' wonderfully
comprehensive subtitle: "Why
Children Turn Out the Way
They Do, Parents Matter Less
Than You Think, and Peers
Matter More." Since I was
just using the book as a
jumping-off point for a
discussion about
peer-oriented TV shows, I
figured that title and the
half-dozen articles I read
about the book were enough
for my glib, superficial

Not that curious, alas,


Fish With Letter Icon

I think you're doing a real
disservice here. To call
these modern-day Jerry's Kids
"real people" is to fail to
acknowledge all their hard
work as hired shills. I'm
tired of people not getting
the recognition that,
frankly, they deserve for
their thespian work on Jerry!
The world has always been
hard on struggling actors,
and your blatant failure to
do justice to Jerry
Springer's show as a haven
for these young hopefuls
(some still holding onto
dreams of Hollywood and
excessive substance abuse) ...
well, it makes me sad.

Keep up the good work.


That whole they're-not-real-
they're-actors theory was a
marketing ploy dreamed up by
Wunderkind Springer producer,
Nathan Danielson, to stir up
some controversy. I have
personally interviewed
several Springer guests and
am satisfied that they are
indeed "real."


Fish With Letter Icon

Nothing's Shocking


For the second time in four
or five years I must
unsubscribe to your
newsletter. It's a shame,
too. I enjoy the
content very much; it's the
name that is the problem.

It's your gig. You can name
it as you see fit. I would
think, though, that four or
five years ago you may have
"needed" the name for "shock"
value, to draw attention, to
obtain subscribers. I doubt
that is any longer necessary.

Perhaps at this point you
should "poll" your readers. I
think you may be the
"shocked" one at this time.

Please UNSUBSCRIBE me at this
time. Thank you.


Royce DeBow
Cedarburg, Wisconsin

Ah, perhaps you should
consider signing up for our
"Frequent Unsubscriber"
program. You'll be the oldest
unsubscriber in the bunch,
considering "Suck" has only
been around for three years!

Anyway, here's a thought:
Let's "poll" all our readers
in "Wisconsin" and see what
they "think."

Attention readers from
"Wisconsin": Write in and
tell us whether our name is a
"problem" for you or not. Do
we "need" the name for
"shock" value or does it
"offend" unnecessarily?

Fish With Letter Icon

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