The Fish
for 1 September 1998. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff
Editor in Chief


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


[the fixin' pixie... ]
Emily Hobson
Production Manager
and Rhythm Guitar


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor


[Ian Connelly]
Ian Connelly
Marketing Manager


[Copy Edit]
Copy Edit

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


T. Jay Fowler

Production Manager

& Ass Kicker


[yes, it's a plunger. i'll l
eave the rest up to your imagination ... ]
Erin Coull
Production Manager


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

The New You!

Nice jabs at the Seattle
neo-rich there.

For those who don't live in the
Pacific Northwest, I offer this quick
summary ... Seattle is
composed of two halves: the
city proper, which is where
all the cool
clubs/music/people without an
atrophied personality are,
and the east side which is
where all the souless
wannabe shitbags are. Chief
offenders here are the cities
of Bellevue and Redmond,
occupied by perfectly
coiffeured men and women with
marketing degrees and deep
tans (c'mon, it's fucking
WASHINGTON!) who wander
around doing that laugh where
your teeth stay clenched

Don't get me wrong, I sip the
occasional latté, but
these people bring a whole
new meaning to the words
"corporate culture." They
all seem convinced that their
sexual desirability goes up
in direct proportion to the
number of matte-black
electronic devices they

In a local paper, a Bellevue
resident responded to
accusations of snobbery with
the phrase, "It's time you
people learned your place -
we have earned our position,
and you have earned your

Well, here's to hairpieces,
Acuras, Wired magazine, and
other things the
nouveau riche consume to feel
like they are

Choking down a latté,

Jonathan Grant

"It's time you people learned
your place - we have earned
our position, and you have
earned your mediocrity."

God, how absolutely fucking
ghastly. Was this person
tracked down and harmed?

Ambrose Beers

Fish With Letter Icon

Walking Tall

Suck's barely sufferable
youth is showing again. The
"Ugly American" was not an
arrogant bully in a foreign
land but a do-gooder - a
sort of prehistoric Peace
Corpsman. I know it is
impossible to imagine this
today, but the reason his
creators labeled him "ugly"
was that he was "ugly." He
had been dealt the short
stick in the genetic

This is not the first time
Suck has demonstrated its
concern with current events
by demonstrating a nearly
complete ignorance of events
in the fairly recent past.
You guys need to hire a
codger just to scan through
all your columns and clean up
the howlers.

Harry Eagar

I'm all too familiar with
Burdick and Lederer's book
The Ugly American, along with
their tie-in works The
Deceptive American
and The
Anguished American
and the
authors' censored and
ultimately unsuccessful
attempts to get their sequel
Sarkan! published. I should
also note that the movie
version of the book contains
my favorite Brando line of
all: "You're not a Judas!
You're just a communist!" You
may be aware, however, that
in the 40 years since the
book was published, "Ugly
American" has become a
catch-all term to describe
pushy, arrogant, pigheaded
Americans traveling overseas
in Bermuda shorts with
cameras. It was in this sense
of the term - as a co-opted
literary name like "Uncle
Tom" - that I was using it
here. But thanks for the
criticism, Harry. I haven't
been picked on for my "youth"
since the Coolidge

yr. pal,


Fish With Letter Icon

nice piece, but maybe
next time try and kick start
the beginning of the article
with the same level of
intensity and interest as the
ending. that nonsense at the
beginning about presidents
and balloon riders was not
only out of context, but
hardly of interest. however,
the "big mac" nutrition bit
was great. have you ever
traveled outside the u.s.?
not all travelers from north
america fit your tired
stereotype image. and this
overused phrase of "ugly
american," that's not why the
embassies were bombed. there
are the real people and the
imagined people, the imagined
people are politicians, the
rest of us are it.
unfortunately, the terrorists
struck out at an imagined
target and didn't care that
real people were there.
thanks and keep sucking.


But wouldn't it
have been in context if I had
written about presidential
balloons, or something like
that, that sounds vaguely
smutty, but is really just
another of those delectable
bons mots you've come to
expect from Suck? I'd love to
travel outside of the United
States someday, see all those organ
grinders and chefs with their
handlebar moustaches, the
tribal warriors with bones in
their noses and stretched out
ears, and the coolies
nervously clasping their
hands together. Make no
mistake, I'm a man of the

yr. pal,


Fish With Letter Icon

Stimulating the Undead

Hey, check out - the
content up there now is
better than anything I've
ever seen from them ... maybe
they should offer Fluxx a

Gary Burke

Hmmm. Can someone else give
us an opinion or inside scoop
on this before we're forced
to check it out ourselves?

Fish With Letter Icon

Starr Wars

Special Salon announcement:

Dear Salon readers:

We were supposed to be
soaking up the sun on the
beach this week, while
recycling the best Salon
stories of the year. But the
rapidly approaching climax of
the Clinton-Starr war has
driven us back to our desks.

The editors of Salon, driven
back to their desks by a
rapidly approaching climax?

What else is new?

Fish With Letter Icon

Walking in a Nerve-Gassed

Subject: Cambodia

I'm glad to see that my
little note to you ("Don't
stabilize the Baht!"), with
its reference to Suck being
read by guerrilla insurgents
in Anlong Veng, may have got
some juices flowing in your
beery head. Now, I'm sure you
at Suck get plenty of strange
mail from fans and stalkers,
but this should be the
strangest yet.

You obviously have more than
a passing interest in Southeast
Asia, especially in the
bombed, mined, nerve-gassed
and forgotten hinterlands,
such as Cambodia and Laos.
Why not visit there? I am
going to spend a few weeks in
Cambodia starting 22 November
and I'm looking for a travel
partner. I have some
experience in this part of
the world, having spent time
in Thailand and Laos. My plan
is to fly to Phnom Penh and
spend a few days getting the
latest news on Siem Reap and
Ratankiri, while exploring
the capital's notorious
nightspots. Then I'll take a
speed boat up the Tongle Sap
river, to Siem Reap, just in
time for the annual Water
Reversal Festival, which
celebrates the reversal of
the flow of the Tongle Sap
River. After the recovering
from celebration, I'll spend
a few days marveling at
Angkor Wat, and then I'll
take another speedboat back
to Phnom Penh.

Back in the capital, I'll
gather as much information as
possible about the situation
in the remote Ratanakiri
region, and then I'll head up
the Mekong, hopefully going
as far as Laos.

How does that sound to you,
Mr. Beers?

Erich Von Hollander

Vacationing in nerve-gassed
hinterlands - what could be
better? However, some caution
is necessary. I'm sure you're
aware of this already, but
just in case: Try to keep
your enthusiasm under wraps.
Cambodians strongly
disapprove of "marveling,"
particularly by outsiders.
Also, keep in mind that Pol
Pot's henchman are well known
to react violently to those
with names that rhyme with
"colander." Perhaps a
pseudonym would ensure a
safer passage? Von Strainer?
Von Noodledrainer?

Fish With Letter Icon

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