The Fish
for 24 August 1998. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff
Editor in Chief


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


[the fixin' pixie... ]
Emily Hobson
Production Manager
and Rhythm Guitar


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor


[Ian Connelly]
Ian Connelly
Marketing Manager


[Copy Edit]
Copy Edit

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


T. Jay Fowler

Production Manager

& Ass Kicker


[yes, it's a plunger. i'll l
eave the rest up to your imagination ... ]
Erin Coull
Production Manager


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

Back Storytelling

Hi, Ambrose.

Long-time listener,
first-time caller.

Hats off for your usual no-bs
discussion of US assistance
to the mass murderers. Keep
it up - we all need the
morning coffee to include the
occasional fist in the face
about how our elected leaders
abuse our apathy in ways we
can't even imagine.

But I don't buy your
reasoning that the link
between The New York Times
story and Pol Pot's death is
weak. Story runs, and after
73 years of disgusting life,
the man dies six days later.
But they wouldn't have known
about it, because it was ...
only the Times?

I'll grant a lack of forensic
pathologists on duty, but if
the Khmer didn't kill him, it
sure would have been in their
best interests to prove they
had nothing to hide by
putting the body on ice for a
few days.

And you're wrong about
Thayer, he never got to talk
to Pol Pot. He saw him at the
weird tribunal that had been
set up, asked a few questions
as the accused was being led
away, but got no answers.
Nobody has ever interviewed
the killer, nor ever will.

Basically, we're asked to
believe that the organization
bred of tyrants and
slaughterers (which has been
trying to clean its image for
18 years by saying every so
often that Pol Pot was dead,
and they'd changed, really!)
just happened to be there
when the worst dictator of my
generation died of a heart
attack. Six days after a leak
that an Eichmann-style nab
was on its way. I never
thought I'd have to suggest
you were being naive.

Jamie McCarthy

Well, sometimes it's more
naive to connect the dots
than it is to question the
big picture. It's easy enough
to attribute cause and effect
where convenient, but the
bigger discrepancies remain.

You're Jenny's sister, right?

Just connecting the dots.

Smugly oblique,


Fish With Letter Icon

Dear Ambrose,

An excellent essay! An
elegant riposte in
"mountainous hinterlands"
angle and the final rapier's
cut "accessories after the
fact" is pure evisceration.
You are awarded one ear.

Jack Garman

Meaning, you're cutting one
of our ears off, or you'll
listen to us with one ear?

Demanding that you stop being
smugly oblique, Sucksters

Fish With Letter Icon

Every time I start to get
down on Suck (every third day
or so, and always with Hit
and Run), usually for its
banal industry
interpretations that must
interest only media
professionals, a Suck author
comes through with frying
colors. Sure, "Back
Storytelling" deals largely
with determining the
appropriate role of media,
but it also (1) informs Suck
readers who may not have
otherwise known that the
United States supported the
Khmer Rouge and (2)
successfully demonstrates the
hypocrisy of the Clinton
administration in passing
blame to The New York Times
for letting Pol Pot (who was
bad, very bad) get off
without having to be tried
and, er, executed or having
to appear on Nightline or Larry
(although he might have
been just the guy to turn
The Magic Show
around). And
you also revealed some of the
flaws of CJR's
"investigative" methods,
which earns bonus points.

Nearly all (can you think of
exceptions?) new and old
media publications preach to
their choirs, but I hope that
some of the people who read
the CJR article also read
Ambrose Beers', although I'm
not sure what all this can
accomplish now: the issue
isn't on the radar screen of
mainstream media and those
who want to say that the NYT
was wrong will probably
believe so no matter what.
They'll always hope that they
could've seen Pol Pot's
execution on pay-per-view or
that we'd be a lot better off
if those meddling journalists
wouldn't interfere with our
country's efforts to rid the
world of 70-something
ex-murderous despots.

Also, I'd love to hear a
quick Suck take on Safire's
spiel (9 August '98) about
the current overuse of the
term content (perhaps
reaffirm my faith with Hit
and Run?). First Courtney
Love attacks Tina Brown and
now Safire does, albeit with
much less venom. Finally, can
you please update The Shit
more often? I believe in it
more now after having read
Fante. I'm also interested to
see whether or not you
eventually recommend
everything ever made by Pussy
Galore and Royal Trux (how
about "Thank You"?).


Frying colors, huh? You're
making us hungry.

Thanks for all those great
suggestions. We're calling an
emergency meeting today to
immediately implement all of
the very important changes
that you suggested.

(Implement = print out
suggestions, slide into
"suggestion box," eat
doughnuts, and talk about the
wisdom of recent all-Madonna
all-the-time programming on

Almost as smug as Craig


Fish With Letter Icon

Subject: You are not Primus.

Dear Mr. Beers, I can't see
how you can continue to be
such an embittered old crank.
Get with the program, buddy.

Look, you're obviously
somewhat computer literate.
Go into Microsoft Schedule
and see if you can find the
"seven habits" wizard that I
found in my copy. Why, once
you have a personalized
mission statement and
automatic appointments for
"saw sharpening," you may
just become a highly
successful person yourself.
Angst, schmangst - read your
allotted amount of "wisdom
literature" and the whole
meaning-of-life thingie is
quickly resolved. Praise
Bill, from whom all blessings

Oh yeah, has Les contacted
you about the name?

Pete C.
Helsinki, Finland

Thanks for the tips, but
"Effectiveness" is not our
ultimate goal.

Highly ineffective and highly


Fish With Letter Icon

Seasick Parts One & Two

the movie trailer channel is
fucking genius

i'm gonna go raise a few
million and we'll start

Rich Stevens

There's only one flaw in the
movie trailer channel. Since
everybody knows the trailer
is better than the actual
movie, you're giving away the
good content, and only
charging for the content
nobody wants. What they
should do is reverse the
process with a
threat-and-rescue business
plan: "The Whole Movie
Channel." Show uncut movies
end to end, but offer viewers
a chance to ease the boredom
of plot and character
development by paying up and
just getting to watch

yr pal,


Are you, in fact, the
inventor of the swooshstika?
If so, are you going to start
a didactic athletic clothing

Brian Kay

I am not in fact the inventor
of the swooshstika. The real
inventor, whose identity is
known only to officials with
the highest security
clearances, is believed to
have been captured by the
Russians in the rubble of
Berlin, and was clearly
responsible for all those
years of Soviet Olympic

But as a matter of fact, I am
working on my own line of
habits sportifs. Look for my
fall line of high-jumping
Prince Albert rings and
cross-training Depends.

yr pal,


Fish With Letter Icon

I have just finished perusing
"SeaSick." This is the
greatest masterpiece I've
ever encountered and I will
be reading Suck every day
and, uh, buying all the
products advertised therein.

I particularly liked the
picture of the captain
wearing a rubber ducky life

Thank you for such elevating


a new Suck reader

Nancy Ross

Now this is the kind of
letter that just jumps off
the desktop and says "Publish
me!" Why can't all our
concerned readers have such a
refined sensibility? Thanks,
Nancy. You might want to look
into the competitive salaries
offered to professional
studio audience laughers.

yr pal,


Fish With Letter Icon

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