The Fish
for 11 August 1998. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff
Editor in Chief


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


[the fixin' pixie... ]
Emily Hobson
Production Manager
and Rhythm Guitar


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor


[Ian Connelly]
Ian Connelly
Marketing Manager


[Copy Edit]
Copy Edit

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


T. Jay Fowler

Production Manager

& Ass Kicker


[yes, it's a plunger. i'll l
eave the rest up to your imagination ... ]
Erin Coull
Production Manager


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager


Yeah, I am from southeast
Wyoming, and the thought of
the farmers there being
patronized with that sort of
bullshit makes my skin crawl.
That's just nauseating. It's
a depressing place, which is
why I don't live there
anymore. It's rotten
farmland, and they have these
problems all the time. The
funny thing about farmers
though is that they love
being farmers. They have this
kooky thing called a "work
ethic," and they love their
rotten farmland. It's an
extremely tough life that
they are really quite proud
of. How insulting for them to
be offered "emotional
counseling." Um, first of
all, you have to believe in
therapy for it to work.
Whatever. Thanks for an
insightful and witty essay.

Taffy Miller

I hear you. You'd think the
people who govern a largely
agricultural state would get
this kind of thing, too.

Ambrose Beers

Fish With Letter Icon

To find LSD in Colorado, head
north to Boulder and visit
the Hill. There are a number
of trained pros waiting there
to serve you.

I've also heard about a
hippie commune near Colorado
Springs that broke up in the
late '70s and became a
semi-respectable town.

m. e.

A scruffy young feller once
mumbled something under his
breath to me right in that
very location. And I thought
he was bumming change, but
when I tried to give him some
he got kind of frantic and
said: "No, man, trees!

Intrigued, I gave him 20

And that is all I will tell
of this story.

Ambrose Beers

Fish With Letter Icon

Mondo Cannes

Dear BarTel,

Thanks for reminding me of
that formative multimedia
moment. With our new RCA
ColorTrak with remote I could
delete all stations but
carriers of NBC, CBS, and ABC
and watch the whole thing
from initial violation of
regular programming (it was
school vacation) to the
successful completion of

Saw Haig say, "I'm in charge
here," live. A better quote
from him is at the cabinet
table, "I can hear the
assholes tightening," in
anticipation of bad news.

Watched the newsers duke it
up. Remember Frank Reynolds?
I remember them using the
word "recapitulate" a lot.
Mom said it was different
because people liked Kennedy.
We were such early adopters
then. Had some silly bootleg
chip for Atari 400 Defender.

A friend of a friend who
talked with someone who
carried the president's
football said Ron was a very
athletic person.

The last scene in Reagan's
last movie is supposed to be
prophetic. I wish they would
show more of them. Sure we
hate Cowboy Ron, but in doing
so we hate that part of
ourselves who wanted the
hostages back so bad we
didn't imagine the Ayatollah
was doing anything other than
showing fear, not making good
on a black market deal.

And afraid of children? Any
substitute teachers out
there? When the kids collude
and accuse you of something,
what does the administration


Peter Robert

P. S. My grandma had
Alzheimer's. She did not
drool, although the disease
did cripple so as to cause some
hallucinating and shambling.

Poetic waxing there, Peter.
Non-linear, but poetic.

Fish With Letter Icon

Hey now.

So, how many notes so far
about it being "'Asians,' not

... and really nice touch
seemingly taking issue with
that "flatulant nitwit's"
piece; definitely one of the
more suave pieces of
self-promotion seen on Suck.

I hope all else is well with
you -

Steve McNally

Self-deprecation and
self-promotion are
practically one and the same
these days, no?

Fish With Letter Icon

Rhyme & Reason

not since tuning into a little dasfx
earlier in the decade have i
waxed nostalgic over childhood crap
with such myopic verve.
the shit sent me spinning back to
the glorious daze of fat albert
   lunchboxes and bingeing on
   pop rocks & a little
boone's farm ...
like to see what you could've done
with square pegs ...
maybe a little tie-in to
sex in the city.
some teen-keen bouncy as a puppy
yet angst-peppered punk disillusionment
diatribe ditty
then ya could segue into a pseudo-
  slutty egads(!)
   i'm thirty, jaded, shameless
dockers/heineken/gap plug disco descant. yeah.

Winifred Fordham

There once was a chickie named Fred
who watched TV as much as she read
while clicking through Suck
she remarked on her luck:
"Oui, j'aime le cheval Monsieur Ed."

ee jamesbong

Fish With Letter Icon

Mind Games

Being new to the Net brings
me across new and unusual
sights and sounds. Just read
"Mind Games" of 27 July. Whew!
Being a child of the '60s
(read 48-year-old male), this
takes me back to the early
editorial slant of Rolling
Is it just me, or do a
hell of a lot of others see
the hypocrisy of the hype?
Sex and violins everywhere
you turn, but where has all
of the fun gone?

I'm also a child of the '60s
- born in '68, a few days
ahead of the rioting in Paris
- and "early" Rolling Stone,
to me, means the issue with
Duran Duran on the cover.
Still, I think I see what
you're saying. As for the
other part, I'm aware of the
violins - but I seem to be
missing out on my fair share
of the other part. Which may
be precisely where the fun
has gone, come to think
of it ...

Ambrose Beers

Fish With Letter Icon

Subject: Re: Tickets to see
uncle albert

That was a euphemism that
worked to score LSD at KU
about 10 years ago. Of
course, you have to already
know what you're talking
about before playing with any

Today's Fish reminds me of
the Monty Python film where
Cleese appears to beg the
audience to please send in
some LSD because they can't
find any in the BBC studios.

And, no, this one does not get
CCed to the newsgroup.



Please be advised that Suck
is actually a longrunning
sting operation, and I am a
narcotics agent. Now: up
against the wall, please ...

tickets to see albert brooks,

Ambrose Beers

Fish With Letter Icon


Thank you for your piece on
Monday. After reading the
opening sentence, I braced
myself for yet another joke
about redneck hillbillies.
But I was pleasantly
surprised that broke farmers
were treated with empathy,
and even referred to as
somewhat intelligent when
compared to psychotherapists.
Thank you for breaking this

I was born and raised in the
northeast corner of Colorado,
and in fact lived three miles
from the border between us
and those silly Huskers.
Nevertheless, I very much
enjoyed what you had to say
about our neighbors to the
east. We aren't dumb, and in
some cases, surprise people
in the "big city" with our
interest and knowledge of the
body politic.

I am currently a student (and
so much more) in an institute
of higher education north of
Colorado Springs, and have
many friends and
acquaintances from around the
country and the world. To
this day, I am still fighting
the stereotype of the goober
in the field. "Your tractor
has air conditioning? I
didn't even think that they
had a roof!" "After hearing
about where you live, you
should be a goober!" I hear
these things all too often to
think that it is simply
ignorance of the few.

No, I did not miss the point
of your piece completely. My
silence on the topic of
touchy-feely, New Age,
"tree-huggin' hippie crap" is
not due to ignorance. It is
twofold. First, I was more
concerned that someone
actually got something right
about farmers on the Great
Plains. Second, while
listening to talk radio on
the tractor and talking rain
and politics with the
neighbors (in that order), we
know the embargo against
starving North Koreans paired
with "alternative methods of
reimbursement" by Uncle Sam
all too well.

Great piece, and keep up the
good work.

Starting every day with a cup
of coffee and a page of Suck,

Jon Kleve

P.S. You are too
well-informed to be from one
of the coasts. After all,
cell phones in tractors? Most
people don't even know that
they have cabs! Denver
perhaps? The People's
Republic of Boulder? Once
again, great job.

Good guess - Denver it is.
Except that I really am
"from" one of the coasts.
Thanks for your response -
glad you liked this one.

Ambrose Beers

Fish With Letter Icon

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