The Fish
for 3 August 1998. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff
Editor in Chief


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


[the fixin' pixie... ]
Emily Hobson
Production Manager
and Rhythm Guitar


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor


[Ian Connelly]
Ian Connelly
Marketing Manager


[Copy Edit]
Copy Edit

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


T. Jay Fowler

Production Manager

& Ass Kicker


[yes, it's a plunger. i'll l
eave the rest up to your imagination ... ]
Erin Coull
Production Manager


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

Finger Painting

Having just completed an
Artist's Way course, I am,
admittedly, a convert to the
cause, and felt the need to
defend the book. You are
absolutely correct that the
ideas in the book are about
being self-absorbed and less
about art than the title
might imply. But the book
invites the reader to look
inward, to uncover buried
hopes and dreams. One of the
main tenets of the book is
that unless you love
yourself, you really are
powerless to create (sounds
cheesy, but it's true). I
found that the book helped me
take my creative dreams
seriously, and for that I'm
really thankful.

I enjoyed your article, it
was well-written and very

Jill Winkelstein

Thanks for your thoughtful
message - nine out of 10
(maybe closer to 10 out of
10) emails from people who
disagree with the premise of
a Suck essay tend to use
phrases like "Didn't you even
go to elementary school, you
stupid jerk?" Which gets kind
of old.

As for the book ... picture a
person who's really morbidly
obese and goes to a faith
healer for help. And the
faith healer tells him, Run
to the top of that mountain,
every morning and every
evening, and ask God to take
the weight off. And after a
few months, the weight really
has come off; God, the runner
decides, has really

That's what I think The
Artist's Way
does: it tells
you to pay attention to the
art you already wish you
could make and set time
aside to work on it every
single day. So I don't doubt
that it works; I just think
that the parts that work
amount to about five pages of
the book, and the self-help
language could be removed
without damaging its
effectiveness. But, you know,
if it helps - what the hell?
I'm glad it worked for you.

Ambrose Beers

Fish With Letter Icon

i'd like to both thank you
and commend your bravery for
reading these books. I've
never quite been able to
suppress the urge to make fun
of them (or of Marianne
Williamson, James Redfield,
etc.), but i feel a bit guilty
that i've only actually read
a few sentences at a time
while browsing at the
bookstore. Also, to
corroborate your point, i
hope, i've discovered from
real children (as opposed to
the inner kind) that learning
worthwhile things is very
hard and very frustrating.
Few kids are able to read,
draw, write, etc. without
considerable effort, but when
they accomplish exceptional
things they feel excited
about it precisely because it
is exceptional and not
something everyone is born
with the ability to do.

Fine piece of writing, by the


Michael Mull

This is so frustrating,
because I'm getting ready to
move and all of my books are
in boxes, and I dug through
them but couldn't find what I
was looking for. But one of
the books on writing
currently boxed and sitting
in my basement discusses, in
a really nice piece of
language, the absolute, quiet
seriousness - the intensity
of focus - that children who
are engaged in making art
display. I just remembered:
It's the Brenda Ueland book.
Wish I could find it. But
yes, that's right: They work
their little butts off, and
know the difference between
good and bad. Very much
different than inner

Ambrose Beers

Fish With Letter Icon

Rhyme & Reason

What, no rewrite of the
M*A*S*H lyrics?


Subject: Your song-poems put
to music ...

Wunnerful! As Lawrence Welk
used to say (especially doing
Quincy, which had some of the
most splendidly bad theme
music of the '70s). But, as
long as you were looking
backward, how could you
resist the coolest wordless
TV theme song of all, that
for Hawaii Five-0h?

Ralph Ward

Merelout and Ralph -
Thanks for writing. Ralph, you
wouldn't be any relation to
the penis named "Ralph" in
Judy Blume's epic Forever,
would you? No matter. To
business: M*A*S*H's theme
song - "Suicide is Painless"
- has lyrics already, ones
written, I believe by earnest
Loudoun Wainwright IIIXMIV.
Hawaii Five-O is another
matter, though I must confess
to having steered clear of
it, having had too many of my
already dying brain cells
filled with the catchy tune,
thanks to the College
Marching Band, whose ability
to bang out "Five-O" was
only rivaled by its skills at
"Louie Louie" and the
unbelievable social
retardation of the Monty
Python-quoting bandies. But
I'll consider it for the

James Bong

Fish With Letter Icon

Subject: TV themes

Let's put it this way: Quincy
was a player. Sure he drove a
big black station wagon
around, sure he had some
funky clothes and hung out in
a nautical-themed dive bar
(and I think I know where it
is actually located), but did
you see his yacht? There were
always some broads lounging

And who does that voice-over
for the A-Team theme? Sounds
kinda like Martin Sheen,
after a couple of stiff

After that, I got bored and
listened to some MP3s ripped
from a bootleg CD recording
of a concert.

Although if you would have
had some Starsky and Hutch
comments or Magnum, P. I.
references, I might have hung
in there.

John Fracisco

Quincy did, indeed, seem to
score an unfathomable amount
of quality "skirt." As did
Magnum, P. I., especially when
you consider the fact that he
was so clearly gay. After a
few stiff drinks, that is.

No time to hate,
James Bong

Fish With Letter Icon

Subject: Rhyme and Reason

Excellent piece today and a
shining example of why
RealAudio shouldn't be
blocked by our firewall. I
still enjoyed the MIDI files
though, and they took me back
to a place I once knew. Ahh,
the joys of the A-Team.

One question, why did you
leave out some obvious
favorites? Perhaps in the
future you could do a Part
Deux to this piece. Some

- Knight Rider

I would give you more, but I
can't think of more that are
worthy of lyrics.

Also, congrats to Terry Colon
on the art for each page
today. The Law and Order one
was great.

Keep up the good work!

Garett Trietsch

I, too, was impressed by
Terry's strong Watterston and
Orbach caricatures, as well
as his Jennings. On a related
subject, and to answer your
query, I had written up the
lyrics for both CHiPS and Knight
but Terry refused to
sketch Erik Estrada, Larry
Wilcox, and David Hasselhoff.
Some bad history there, some
party at Magnum's pad that
got out of hand or something.
Ask him about it sometime.

James Bong

Fish With Letter Icon

Subject: HA HA HA!!!

On Rhyme & Reason:

Holy shit ... that's the
funniest thing I've seen you
guys do in a long time.


Just so you all know, Joey
rejected this idea the first
time. I had to go back to him
and pitch it again. One of
Newsweek's 50 most important
people on the Internet, my
arse! Not only that, but he
crashed at my pad last week,
and I swear my two cats now
have an infection that the
vet remains stymied by.
Little Pink has scabs on her
forehead, and Scout is missing
a patch of hair on her back.
"Have they come into contact
with any strange substances?"
Yeah, the freakin' Duke of
URL. Hide your pets,

James Bong

Fish With Letter Icon

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