The Fish
for 9 June 1998. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff
Editor in Chief


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


[the fixin' pixie... ]
Emily Hobson
Production Manager
and Vice President
of Snacks


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor


[Ian Connelly]
Ian Connelly
Marketing Manager


[Copy Edit]
Copy Edit

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


T. Jay Fowler

Production Manager

& Ass Kicker


[yes, it's a plunger. i'll l
eave the rest up to your imagination ... ]
Erin Coull
Production Manager


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

Stupid Mail Day!

Subject: Frank Sinatra


My mother got Frank Sinatra's
autograph in Vegas in the
1970s, and she would like to
know what it is worth. Would
you be able to help us with
that information?

Traci Stone


Fish With Letter Icon

Is That Justice?

Loved the last column, as per
usual. But why in God's name
was Paul McCartney attending
the Kennedy-Smith trial?

Diego Ibarra

Because he's a Kennedy.

You didn't know that?

Gaahh! Yer stupid.

Fish With Letter Icon

More Injustice


I just want to know why you
stole them, and if you have
any plans to return them?

Maq Dadae

We stole your drugs, yes, but
we have extensive plans for
returning them.

Waq Dadae

Fish With Letter Icon

Marion Bunny

So if Marion Barry is gone,
who will speak for the
crackheads? Are they to be
without representation?

University of Colorado

We're not certain, but we do
know a certain giant rabbit,
albeit evil, albeit Canadian,
who might be up for the job.

Maq Dadae also appears
well-suited to represent the
drug-abusing world, in case
the rabbit is a no-show....

Fish With Letter Icon

Endsville, Postponed

Mr. Baks:

Thanks for the funny piece
you and Terry Colon put
together on the Chairman of
the Board's recent demise. I
can hear my mother already:
"These things come in threes,
and Frank's death completes
the circle when paired with
the deaths of Diana and
Mother Teresa."

I must admit to having a
special place in my heart for
the old crooner. You see, as
a culturally deprived student
at a remote liberal arts
college in the middle of
fucking nowhere, a
significant portion of the
campus would turn out for
Frank's birthday on December
12th. This was really just an
excuse to drink hard liquor
and "bond" with members of
the opposite sex, but what
better way to celebrate the
Sinatra myth than by drinking
and screwing?

Thanks for the memories,

Al Thomas

When I attended a remote
liberal arts college in the
middle of fucking nowhere we
had a similar excuse for
intemperate drinking and
screwing. We called it
"attending a remote liberal
arts college in the middle of
fucking nowhere."


Fish With Letter Icon


Subject: hack & fish

Many thanks for the return of
hack & fish! While I do
find them most enjoyable to
read, I'm beginning to wonder
about the hack. I mean, when
you start seeing fish bigger
than your own head floating
around, let alone carrying on
quasi-witty conversations
with it, it's time to stop
licking the acid stamps. Or
is it the artist who's

Simon Koch

The Fish resents your
implication that he's
imaginary and quasi-witty.

The Hack resents your
patronizing tone regarding
his drug habit.

Why not pick on someone your
own size? We all know Matt
Drudge hallucinates a lot
more than floating fish.

Fish With Letter Icon

Hit and Run

Subject: I don't like Mondays

I'm surprised that in the
coverage of school shootings,
I haven't seen mention of
Brenda Spencer's 1979
schoolyard shootings in San
Diego. None of the current
kids have as cogent a
motivation as her
explanation, "I don't like

Ken Shirriff

That seems reasonable enough
to us.

Fish With Letter Icon

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