The Fish
for 2 June 1998. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff
Editor in Chief


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


[the fixin' pixie... ]
Emily Hobson
Production Manager
and Vice President
of Snacks


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor


[Ian Connelly]
Ian Connelly
Marketing Manager


[Copy Edit]
Copy Edit

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


T. Jay Fowler

Production Manager

& Ass Kicker


[yes, it's a plunger. i'll l
eave the rest up to your imagination ... ]
Erin Coull
Production Manager


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

Bad Vibe

Dear Duke:

Hey man. Kick back. This is a
country that on Sunday and
Monday nights puts on a TV
movie about an evil
amphibious monster; on
Tuesday is having a special
TV movie about a big evil
amphibious monster; and on
widescreens everywhere you
can watch a REALLY BIG evil
amphibious monster. And you
have to ask "is this a great
time or what?"

Alan Kornheiser
The Doctor Is
INto Diving

It was a rhetorical question,
Alan. As opposed to my buddy
Carl's question, whispered as
we watched Godzilla on
opening night: "Why didn't
they just poison the fish?"
That's not rhetorical, just
dumb: Who'd pay US$8 to see
Godzilla puking into a toilet
for two hours?


Fish With Letter Icon

Hey Duke,

Yes, we live in a vacant
society. Even though food is
plentiful, shelter is
everywhere, and everyone is
rich, we neither have (nor
make) time for each other.
Year after year, we become
ever more alienated,
foreigners in our own
neighborhoods. We ignore
political leadership since,
for lack of art in our lives,
we have no sense of a shared
future. Artists are starved
out of their careers and our
culture is starving without
them. We have been taught
that this is right and good
and necessary. We are too
weak from cultural hunger to
respond. On we limp, popping
Viagra instead of reading the
novel Tom Jones. Kill your

Jack Garman

OK, let's get this
straight: We need more
artists and less televisions?

Excuse me while I puke into a
toilet for two hours.

Pay me $8 and we can call it


Fish With Letter Icon

Another Angry Dwarf
Chimes In

Subject: Hank the angry,
drunken dwarf

I find it kind of sad that
your premise is so incredibly
inaccurate, and then, of
course, building a foundation
on sand is always a dicey
proposition at best.

The fact of the matter is,
the drive for Hank came from
one of the more popular Stern
fan pages, (King of
All Media). Apparently, a fan
wrote to Kevin, who runs the
page, that he thought it
would be funny to vote for
Hank. Kevin agreed and posted
a link and a suggestion to
people to vote. Howard didn't
even find out about it until
Hank was winning the poll by
some thousands of votes.

Next time, put in a little
effort, OK?


Why, so we don't get attacked
by an angry mob of angry

How's this: We're so
embarrassed over our horrible

Sand Castle Kings

Fish With Letter Icon


Excuse my impertinence, but
where did you get the idea of
cheerful waitresses? I've
never seen a waiter and/or
waitress at the restaurants
that you describe grace us
with "their curiously perky
demeanors and their
unrelenting habit of focusing
unconditional positive regard
on their customers." Most
wait staff I've seen (or
known) would rather be
anywhere else and are very
good at letting that show. I
don't know, maybe these
places you've visited are in
some sort of chain Twilight
Otherwise, quite an
accurate article. Thanks!


Are you in San Francisco?

Waiters aren't required to be
friendly or even remotely
tolerable in San Francisco.

They're Really Artists, you

Fish With Letter Icon

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