The Fish
for 28 May 1998. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff
Editor in Chief


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


[the fixin' pixie... ]
Emily Hobson
Production Manager
and Head Electrician


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor


[Ian Connelly]
Ian Connelly
Marketing Manager


[Copy Edit]
Copy Edit

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


T. Jay Fowler

Production Manager

& Ass Kicker


[yes, it's a plunger. i'll l
eave the rest up to your imagination ... ]
Erin Coull
Production Manager


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

Nothing Lasts Forever

Unfortunately, today's Suck
was funnier than the last


I agree - and it wasn't even
a particularly funny Suck.


Fish With Letter Icon

Have you actually ever been
on the Kramer reality tour?
For that matter, has anyone
ever been on it? What will
happen to it now? Will it go
the way of Vaughn
What'shisname who had made
such a fine living doing JFK
impersonations until suddenly
they weren't funny? Or Robin
Williams' Mork, which became
less funny (so he says) when
the real aliens came? Or will
it, and he, go on as Jerry
carries on in syndication,
never aging, never changing,
never growing up; a marriage
clearly made in heaven?

Alan Kornheiser

I saw somewhere that Kenny
Kramer says the end of the
show has led to a boom in his
tour business, but I imagine
that's a temporary
phenomenon. As the "real"
Kramer, his value as an
entertainment entity was
based solely on the fake
Kramer's existence - and now
that Michael Richards is just
Michael Richards, simply
being Kenny Kramer has no
meaning or value anymore.


Fish With Letter Icon

What kind of exercise in
wishful thinking is it when
HTML journalists imagine that
Michael Richards, who got
US$1 million per episode last
season, needs to pimp for
employment? Not everyone
suffers as you do. Deal with


Rich or not, he's still the
Gilligan of the '90s. Lucky
for him, The Love Boat's
sailing again.


Fish With Letter Icon


So, are the dynamic duo
tooling around Manhattan in
the back of a
twenty-foot-long dream car,
swilling champagne with a
couple of Condé Nast
interns from Vanity Fair? Or,
did they receive two pink
slips at the same time, one
of them digital? :-)

Hope you're doing well. Happy
belated Fillerversary.

Paul Boutin

Your inquiries about the Fish
and the Hack should be
answered today. Thanks for
asking after them.

Fish With Letter Icon

I gotta say, stoners and
speed metal go together like
geeks and Devo, 'course
stoners like Devo too. Come
to think of it, all that
stoners really don't like is
that Celine Dion chick. So do
you think Madonna was trying
to seduce Elliot Smith at the
Oscars at the same time as
she was dissing Celine? All
my pals are betting he nailed


You're wrong about speed
metal and Elliot Smith.
Stoners hate speed metal, and
Elliot Smith was spending
time with Minnie Driver - I

A step up from Matt Damon,

Now we should all feel dirty
and worthless and small just
for having this ridiculous
conversation. Makes a person
want to get stoned and listen
to speed metal, just as

Elliot Smith is the king of
the world.

Fish With Letter Icon

It was a good day for Bill
Clinton. The smug, edgy,
self-assured consumer
hyperpastiche rantings of
pussy-sucking doyenne
antipollyanna Polly were
unrepentant. Thrice over,
Wired's live feed, fast,
real, and self-indulgent,
vied for the retro-media, um,

And stuff. Or maybe not. If
we had access, the
pretension would offer up the
same basic question: "stuff,
things, like, weird, cool,
sucks, lame, great, really,
totally, and fuck?" Bray for
beer, ambrosia from the
maker, exploited or
exploiter, past swerve of
shore to bend of bay (whether
industrial or from Argentina
- they trade coupons there
like case histories) "they"
still shill for that fast
pomo dumbed-down wheezy
Hollywood golden-boy the gray
old lady. Can't argue with
that. Flaccid? 10 trillion?
Ted Kaczynski and the
Zeitgeist? Those hillbilly
emoticons better affect, real
quicklike, or the mouse's
hubris'll continue to
increase over all
demographics. And Disney too.

Ha ha ha, what a fucking

Still, you blush when Alan
Kornheiser and Slint (the
band, not the tampon) blast
your brains out through the
back of your mind. Er,
Mmmmind. But cheerfully meta,
whatever the future holds,
once and for all, cynic or
cyclic, one thing is certain:
the fish, barrel, and Holy
Ghost want residency. Let's
just hope it's at seven.

Jeff Leaning

Turn off your computer and go
sit in the sunlight for a few

Fish With Letter Icon

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