The Fish
for 21 May 1998. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff
Editor in Chief


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


[the fixin' pixie... ]
Emily Hobson
Production Manager
and Head Electrician


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor


[Ian Connelly]
Ian Connelly
Marketing Manager


[Copy Edit]
Copy Edit

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


T. Jay Fowler

Production Manager

& Ass Kicker


[yes, it's a plunger. i'll l
eave the rest up to your imagination ... ]
Erin Coull
Production Manager


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

Short Shrift

Hi Vicki,

I enjoyed your editorial and
admired your prose (olean
percolate!). Anyway, some
reading material I thought
I'd recommend to you, that
discusses a lot of the issues
you raised from a
standpoint. Try out Michelle
Foucault's The Birth of the
(1963), The Order of
(1966), and The
Archaeology of Knowledge

(1969). For more info on

And various others, courtesy
of your favorite search
engine. Briefly, Foucault
examines the relationship
between power and knowledge.
For example, the notion in
the United States that
Eastern medicine does not
provide valid therapies is
not a function of the
efficacy of Eastern
treatments, but a result of
the AMA (an institution
with power) producing
messages shaping the popular
opinion. This is a simple
example of the notion that
power (an institution)
controls knowledge (society's
notion of valid medical

I'm sure you're not going to
run out and read a bunch of
Foucault, but if you do
manage to read any, I'd enjoy
discussing your thoughts on
the material.

Best regards,

It's true I've never read
anything by this Michelle
Foucault character, but I'm
looking forward to her stuff,
'cause, you know, Girl Power
rocks. Anyway, I'd love to
ask her: If you had
tonsillitis, who would you go
to - a Ghanaian witch doctor
or one of these modern
medicine quacks the AMA is
always shilling for?


Fish With Letter Icon

I am told, by those who claim
to know, that arranged
marriages are more stable
than what those in them refer
to (not without some irony)
as "love marriages." The
fairly small number of
arranged marriages I
personally know of have been,
in fact, more stable ...
which of course only proves
that given sufficient social
pressure you can be either
miserable and married or
miserable and divorced.

It does seem true that there
is no reliable way of
arranging either our love
lives or our political lives.
If we try to do it ourselves,
we trip over our shoelaces;
if we defer judgment to the
wise men, we end up reaching
for the custard pies.

Perhaps the best advice comes
from the late, lovable
fascist Robert A. Heinlein,
who opined that politics is
simply what people do, that
we do it badly but have no
real choice in the matter,
and that all we can hope for
is a system that gives us a
little breathing room. Works
for me.

Alan Kornheiser

What we really need
are arranged divorces.
And they should be
like the marriages - decided
solely on the economic
prospects of the individuals,
and for the sake of the
children. Then the miserably
divorced would have a reason
to be miserable.


Fish With Letter Icon
Snack Time

i like your stuff ...
always have.... was wondering
if there are any future
writings that might share the
stupidity of the sounds of
the English language.... i
call them "snack" words ...
these are words that just
sound stupid when you say
them aloud. Try it ... say
"snack"... sounds really
moronic. i'm trying to get a
list together of these words.
"snack," "trowel," "snatch,"
"trousers," "moist,"
"slacks," "applet,"
"towelette" any others? say
them all aloud and see if you
don't find them a little
silly. they just don't seem
to roll off the tongue.

Chris Mouser

Here's one: "dipshit."

Fish With Letter Icon


Dear Suck -

Your column/comic about
Overprofessionalism really
scared me. It seems as though
my parents might be rearing
me to be an Overprofessional.
My mother is in the Very
Professional category and my
father is in the
Overprofessional (severe)
category. Whenever I have to
interact with grown-ups in a
social setting,
Overprofessional banter is
the rule. I didn't know what
a horrible malady this was
until I read your column.
Thank you for opening my

Of course, when interacting
with my friends I don't
really talk like that. But I
don't talk like normal. Which
leads me to believe that
there exists another, similar

Basically, I use big words,
own a lot of books that no
one in their right mind would
read for pleasure, and score
well on standardized tests. I
am currently experimenting
with a regimen of television
and frequent masturbation as
a cure. I will inform you if
I am successful.


Don't dabble too much in
friend, or the next thing you
know you'll be wearing socks
with sandals, eating beanie
weanies out of the can, and
losing sleep over the
inherent contradictions
within some "-ism." That's
right, you'll be a grad
student. Oh, sure, all that
superiority and expertise has
its draw now, but just trust
us. Trust us, kid! Turn back
while you still can!

Fish With Letter Icon


I don't know write in English
very well. So, I'll try to
say in a few words what I'm
thinking about

Move to a Third World
country is not the solution.
Here in Brazil there is a lot
of this kind of animals, and
they're like Gremlins (the
movie): Once you've said the
word "money," one turns out
two, two turns four, four
eight ... is incredible!
They're getting the world's

I need great solutions to
exterminate them from Third
World ... just because they
copy Overprofessionals of
First World, with one big
difference: Third World
Overprofessionals don't have
Texas to go.

I'm writing for help. No more

Bartira Pontes

Don't believe the rumors,
Bartira. You can't get Texas
to go here, either. You can
get the Texas Burger, with a
taste as big and bold as the
state of Texas itself, to go,
but not Texas.

Getting the world's control,


Fish With Letter Icon

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