The Fish
for 16 April 1998. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff
Editor in Chief


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


[the fixin' pixie... ]
Emily Hobson
Production Manager
and Drink Taster


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor


[Ian Connelly]
Ian Connelly
Marketing Manager


[Copy Edit]
Copy Edit

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


T. Jay Fowler

Production Manager

& Ass Kicker


[yes, it's a plunger. i'll l
eave the rest up to your imagination ... ]
Erin Coull
Production Manager


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

Smoke Out

Yeah, from Hollywood; good
portrayals, words, Vicki. I
don't think you missed a
thing regarding the 3 April
Suck. But what might you have
forgotten? I think you are
mistaken in one area:
familial connections. And
what about the "how to score"
section: Delivery in NYC
versus "your man" in LA ...
mirroring Show Biz attitudes.

great 'toons,

chris csolsen

You're right. I prefer the
Manhattan delivery system.
And we shouldn't forget the
Mayor's recent decree that
weed-delivery people show
greater civility. It's much
more civilized.


Fish With Letter Icon

"Smoke Out: High Times, Low
Concept" hit the spot pretty
darn good today. However,
like all of your readers, I
have a complaint. I've seen
City of Lost Children. And
I've seen it after hitting
myself in the head with a
velvet hammer. And it was
still fun. But nothing
compares to Lost Highway
after you've torched up some
dank nugs!
"We've met before, haven't we?"
"I don't think so."
"Where was it you think
we met?"
"At your house, don't you remember?"
"As a matter of fact, I'm there
right now."
"That's crazy man."
"Call me." beep boop
beep beep ring ring click "I
told you I was here!"

I can't believe you left it
off the pot
quotient/enjoyment factor
chart! What gives? This is


Yeah, and what about when Mr.
Blond was torturing that cop,
and the cop was like "No, no,
don't burn me up!" And Mr.
Blond was like "Shut the fuck
up!" And then Mr. Orange was
fragging Mr. Blond's ass. Or
when Joe is like "Your name's
Mr. Pink." And Mr. Pink is
like "Fuck that, that sounds
like Mr. Pussy." And Joe's
just like "Shut the fuck up!"

I was laughing my ass off.


Fish With Letter Icon

Subject: Java permission to
send mail.

I liked the equation bit, but
the vapidity-center stimulis
part was something of a loss.
C'mon! Graft among senses
with not enough sensory
crossover, crossover of
genres with not enough
budget, and budget among
'Release' and other Dyson
things. That and leaving
doors open (oops...) are the
tenets of toxic and
hypertonic pot abuse. I just
fell way out of the
demographic Suck sends for.

Then again, I didn't want to
bid on an X-Files ROM either.

Steve Nordquist

Well at least somebody got
into the spirit of the
occasion by smoking a bowl
before crafting a response.
Thanks, Steve.


Fish With Letter Icon

So what's with the Zardoz
references? I think this is
the second time that Zardoz
has made an appearance in
Suck. Has someone there
actually seen this movie? I
thought no one in the world
had ever seen it except me
and my friends when it came
on about 3 a.m. one night.
Fantastic quote material too-

If you like Zardoz you'll love
Blood Circus.


Well, having seen this movie
at "3 a.m. one night" do you
have any objection to our
celebrating it in the pages
of Suck?

Sure, with its mock heroic
language, Zardoz might be
pretty easy to make fun of,
but I suspect when you and
your friends finished
watching it at 5 a.m., you
were awed by its apocalyptic
O'Henry ending, slack-jawed
at the big questions it
raises about humanity's place
in the universe, devastated
by its earth-shattering


Fish With Letter Icon


Smoke Out

I don't know what kind of weed
they have down there in
Tinseltown, but you should
have somebody check your math
when you're stoned; there is
some flawed arithmetic in
page two of Suck, 3 April
1998. For one thing Matthew
McConnaughey is the square
root of the Duke plus the
square root of Nicholson,
likewise for Ronald Reagan.
Next mistake, Reagan plus
weed equals Clinton, the
answer is actually
represented by (Reagan plus
the coefficient of Drag) over
the constant W squared (the
constant W being the net
weight of the Duffle Bag that
Cheech's cousin Red carries
around in Cheech and Chong's
next movie) minus Alzheimer's
equals Bill Clinton. The Big
minus Basic
Filmmaking Skill equals Easy
A couple of decimal
places off on this one; the
actual math to arrive at Easy
is: The Big Lebowski
plus Bowling minus Harleys
plus an Oscar equals Easy

Of course, anyone who watches
the Oscars knows (like Mr.
Hand) that everybody at the
Academy is stoned.

Of course you were wrong on
page one, too. Hopper became
famous as Jordie in Giant in
'56, but he was in The Sons
of Katie Elder
with the Duke
a few years before True
a minor point. Sorry to
be such a sniveling hard-ass
movie/math geek today, but
gosh it's Friday and I have a
headache from the night
before and somebody's gotta
try to keep you freewheeling,
stoned-out, NewMedia(tm)
scribes in line.

Your Pal,

Our math has been checked by
scholars at Stanford, and
passed the test with flying
colors. However, as your
letter and about 75 others
reminded me, Dennis Hopper
was in a host of big-time
movies before True Grit. I
was under the impression that
True Grit, while it did no
justice to the Portis book,
was his first really
prominent role in an A-list
picture (The Duke won an
Oscar and so forth), but
since a 20-second search at
IMDB would have cleared up
the mystery, I have no
excuse. Except of course,
that I was high as a coon.


Fish With Letter Icon

Dennis Hopper got his start in
True Grit? Not counting Rebel
Without a Cause
Giant, Gunfight at the OK
Corral, The Sons of Katie
Elder, The Trip, Hang 'em
High, Cool Hand Luke

Jack Shafer

Does Michael Kinsley know
you're wasting company time
with this kind of nonsense?
Those brain cells of yours
are intellectual property of
Microsoft. Exercise them


Fish With Letter Icon

Is this Gen-X revisionist film
history? Like his friend
James Dean, Dennis Hopper got
his start on TV in the early
1950s. Beginning in 1955,
Hopper appeared in at least
18 movies before True Grit -
including two noteworthy
roles in Dean's films, Rebel
Without a Cause
and Giant. In
the 1960s, Hopper appeared as
a guest star on numerous TV

Hopper's fame as an on-screen
druggie began in 1967 - two
years before Easy Rider - in The
the quintessential '60s
LSD movie.

There may be only one or two
degrees separating actors in
drug-related roles, but one
should maintain a
clean-and-sober perspective
on film history.

All right already! I don't
care if he was elected pope
before making True Grit.
Dennis Hopper is still a rat
bastard for the way he's been
treating Peter Fonda. And I
guess next you're going to
tell me Race with the Devil
wasn't Fonda's greatest
screen role, aren't you?


Fish With Letter Icon

RIVER'S EDGE??? Come on -
Feeeeeck, it's me, your

Crispin Glover, Keanu, Dennis
H. all smokin' out together

Thanks for the laughs,

Todd Mcguinness

As I recall, though, River's
was a real buzzkill,
of-America type thing.
I was dealing strictly in
weird images/big laffs movies
for stoners.


Fish With Letter Icon


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