The Fish
for 14 April 1998. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff
Editor in Chief


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


[the fixin' pixie... ]
Emily Hobson
Production Manager
and Drink Taster


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor


[Ian Connelly]
Ian Connelly
Marketing Manager


[Copy Edit]
Copy Edit

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


T. Jay Fowler

Production Manager

& Ass Kicker


[yes, it's a plunger. i'll l
eave the rest up to your imagination ... ]
Erin Coull
Production Manager


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

Clothes Minded

So school uniforms are fit
only for Catholic schools and
other fascist
dictatorships? The poor
little babies simply have to
be allowed to "express"
themselves, do they? Who
cares about GPA when you're
wearing a kick-ass pair of
Nikes, and you're king of the
schoolyard? As someone who
grew up in England wearing
the "same dopey thing" to
school every day, and as
someone whose mother couldn't
afford the latest kick-ass
Adidas, I'm glad I never had
to go through the torture of
not having the "right" or
"cool" wardrobe and suffering
the attendant insults from my
peers. Adolescence can be
pretty brutal at the best of
times without having to worry
about your bloody clothes on
top of everything else.
Self-expression is fine and
dandy, but there are other,
and better, ways of doing it
than a Tommy polo shirt -
isn't that what kids should
be taught?

Lee Caulfield

I can appreciate where you're
coming from, but it seems
unlikely that a simple dress
code will eliminate the
deeply couched class
rivalries you're talking

Besides, here in the United
States I think it's less a
social/political problem, and
more a personal one. Having
grown up in American middle
schools where phys ed class
required a very strict dress
code (white Tee, white
shorts, white jock strap),
and having been a
"late-bloomer" in the showers
with more than a few "early
bloomers," I can attest that
a dress code had very little
effect on the ugliness and
brutality of adolescence.

E. L. Skinner

Fish With Letter Icon


I got to tell you that I like
what you got to say. Very
funny shit sometimes that
makes me say "Hmmm," just
like Arsenio Hall used to.

But I worry about you. More
importantly, the potential
ulcers that will undoubtedly
evolve from your bitter
resentment for, oh,
everything. I want to know
what you like? What makes you
happy? What makes you smile
and think of non-drug-related

Now I have no reason for
asking; that's not true. I do
have a reason. I am bitter as
well. I tend to look at
things as objects worthy of
my ridicule.... And I don't
like it anymore. I stay up
some nights regretting what I
said the day before. What
about you?

Am I to end up like you? Or,
are you to end up like me?
Either way, I'll still read
your column.

Dave G, Philadelphia

Alas, as a Gemini, I lead a
double life. No one at work
or home suspects that I have
an embittered, cynical Suck

Outwardly, I lead an exemplary
life, other than a taste for
good beer. Lots of good beer.
This little character flaw
helps extinguish the
"regrets" you mentioned.

E. L. Skinner

Fish With Letter Icon

	Clothes Minded

In Tuesday's piece, you wonder
"how the NRA will manage to
turn this into an appeal for
our right to keep and bear
handguns and assault rifles."
Apparently you didn't check
out Friday's WSJ editorial
page, where John R. Lott Jr.,
author of More Guns, Less
argues that "The Real
Lesson of the School
Shootings" (headline) is that
the teachers should have been
armed, so that they could
"stop shootings in progress"
and "deter shootings from
ever occurring."

Dave Williams

Yeah, unfortunately I missed that
WSJ piece, but the thought
had crossed my mind:

Somewhere, some lunatic must
be arguing that the real
answer would be to send all
kids to school with a 9 mm in
their lunchbox, to better
defend themselves. As we used
to say in the chilly days of
the Cold War (god, don't you
miss them?), "Peace through
superior fire power." Those
boys wouldn't have a had a
chance against a whole
schoolyard full of assault
rifles. In that case, they'd
have been CRAZY to try such a
stunt, right?

E. L. Skinner

Fish With Letter Icon

I refuse to acknowledge I've
lived soberly thus far; come
18, I'm hitting the bottle
and shutting my eyes real

Fourmi Audacieux

Thanks for your note!

Though I'm not sure I know
what you mean, I like the way
you say it.

As you make clear, there are
many perfectly legal
alternatives to sobriety:
Nicotine and caffeine are
personal favorites. Percodan
- if you can manage it, maybe
after a serious injury or a
root canal - is also highly
recommended by some.

E. L. Skinner

Fish With Letter Icon


I think you missed the real
(and very valid) reason for
schools introducing
compulsory uniforms - it
removes the differentiation
between the "haves" and
"have-nots." With affordable
uniforms, the kids in
hand-me-downs don't have to
compete with the kids with
the new Nike's and Tommy
Hillfigure (or whatever his
name is) jeans. Kids are mean
little teasing shits so this
aspect makes good sense.



Hi, Will. While I see your
point, I somehow doubt
whether a dress code will
really alleviate the problem
- as you so eloquently note,
kids seem inherently to be
"mean little teasing shits"
(as a father, I would also
lobby to add "pernicious" to
the list), even if they're
all dressed like the Great

Sadly, the old clichés
are true, when it comes to
playground politics: You
can't judge a book by its
cover, and ugliness runs to
the bone.

E. L. Skinner

Fish With Letter Icon


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