The Fish
for 13 April 1998. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff
Editor in Chief


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
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[the fixin' pixie... ]
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Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
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Ian Connelly
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[Copy Edit]
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Carl Steadman
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Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


T. Jay Fowler

Production Manager

& Ass Kicker


[yes, it's a plunger. i'll l
eave the rest up to your imagination ... ]
Erin Coull
Production Manager


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

Clothes Minded

In Tuesday's piece, you wonder
"how the NRA will manage to
turn this into an appeal for
our right to keep and bear
handguns and assault rifles."
Apparently you didn't check
out Friday's WSJ editorial
page, where John R. Lott Jr.,
author of More Guns, Less
argues that "The Real
Lesson of the School
Shootings" (headline) is that
the teachers should have been
armed, so that they could
"stop shootings in progress"
and "deter shootings from
ever occurring."

Dave Williams

Yeah, unfortunately I missed that
WSJ piece, but the thought
had crossed my mind:

Somewhere, some lunatic must
be arguing that the real
answer would be to send all
kids to school with a 9 mm in
their lunchbox, to better
defend themselves. As we used
to say in the chilly days of
the Cold War (god, don't you
miss them?), "Peace through
superior fire power." Those
boys wouldn't have a had a
chance against a whole
schoolyard full of assault
rifles. In that case, they'd
have been CRAZY to try such a
stunt, right?

E. L. Skinner

Fish With Letter Icon

I refuse to acknowledge I've
lived soberly thus far; come
18, I'm hitting the bottle
and shutting my eyes real

Fourmi Audacieux

Thanks for your note!

Though I'm not sure I know
what you mean, I like the way
you say it.

As you make clear, there are
many perfectly legal
alternatives to sobriety:
Nicotine and caffeine are
personal favorites. Percodan
- if you can manage it, maybe
after a serious injury or a
root canal - is also highly
recommended by some.

E. L. Skinner

Fish With Letter Icon


I think you missed the real
(and very valid) reason for
schools introducing
compulsory uniforms - it
removes the differentiation
between the "haves" and
"have-nots." With affordable
uniforms, the kids in
hand-me-downs don't have to
compete with the kids with
the new Nike's and Tommy
Hillfigure (or whatever his
name is) jeans. Kids are mean
little teasing shits so this
aspect makes good sense.



Hi, Will. While I see your
point, I somehow doubt
whether a dress code will
really alleviate the problem
- as you so eloquently note,
kids seem inherently to be
"mean little teasing shits"
(as a father, I would also
lobby to add "pernicious" to
the list), even if they're
all dressed like the Great

Sadly, the old clichés
are true, when it comes to
playground politics: You
can't judge a book by its
cover, and ugliness runs to
the bone.

E. L. Skinner

Fish With Letter Icon


Faux Pas

In Faux Pas you certainly
missed one of the more recent
and compelling examples of
regret and sorrow, without
the actual regret and sorrow:
President Clinton's apologies
(on behalf of the world, no
less) for the genocide in
Rwanda. No doubt, sitting in
his office day after day,
President Clinton wasn't
aware of the terrible
genocide taking place in
Rwanda, despite a US$38
Billion intelligence budget,
warnings and reports from
human rights and aid
organizations, and press
reports. Certainly, if he had
only known, he would have
stepped in and prevented all
those terrible deaths.

Ernest Miller

Handed the piece in before
that particular apology,
which is too bad; it was a
uniquely Clintonian moment.
Machetes? Really? Gosh, uh -
sorry 'bout that! (Weapons of
mass destruction: very bad;
threaten to bomb. Actual mass
destruction: unfortunate;

I feel your pain. And I

Ambrose Beers

Fish With Letter Icon

Cool irony. But you miss
something. The future. So far
Bill has slipped by all of
this with high ratings.

And dear Monica, do not forget
she read Vent magazine. In
the future she could be
taking pot shots at you. Will
we see her as a rape victim
on Law and Order? How about
the new roommate of Ally
? And, of course, she
could fit into Melrose Place
with presidential honors.

This story is not over until
the fat lady sings. And I
look forward to it with a
vengeance. You should, too.

David A. Dorney


No future. Future, crossed
out. Only the terminator,
always behind me.

Hope that clears things up.

Ambrose Beers

Fish With Letter Icon

I know Suck is just a
reflection of the often silly
world of mass media. But I,
personally, am so sick and
tired of the whole Clinton
media BS. I just don't care.
I have no interest. I know
you are making fun of the
whole Clinton/media situation
... but it's just more media

There has got to be something
more interesting to write

Just my humble opinion as a
regular Suck reader,

Troy Sheets

Let me level with
you: We've been writing about
Bill Clinton so much because
he's been hanging around the
house, parked on our couch in
his boxer shorts, flipping
through the basic cable
stations, and making
whimpering sounds at Talk
Don't you think you'd
do the same, in our position?
I mean, you should see what
this man does to a case of

Ambrose Beers

Fish With Letter Icon


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