The Fish
for 9 April 1998. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff
Editor in Chief


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


[the fixin' pixie... ]
Emily Hobson
Production Manager
and Drink Taster


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor


[Ian Connelly]
Ian Connelly
Marketing Manager


[Copy Edit]
Copy Edit

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


T. Jay Fowler

Production Manager

& Ass Kicker


[yes, it's a plunger. i'll l
eave the rest up to your imagination ... ]
Erin Coull
Production Manager


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

Me & My Shadow of Irony

When I saw the intro to this
piece, I cringed. I knew what
was coming and I knew it was
gonna hurt. I like and
respect both Harper's and The
but I remember
reading Thomas Frank's
article and just shaking my
head. He doesn't get it,
y'know? Irony is boring now,
boring because it's become
easy and expected. Yes, we do
need to find another
aesthetic, but simply
removing ourselves to another
level of irony isn't going to
do it. (Quick quiz: What's
the difference between a pop
band and an ironic pop band?
The regular pop band sells
albums.) Crap is no more
worthwhile if the person
producing it is wearing a
shit-eating grin. I
especially liked your dig at
the idea that Chris was
authentic because he owned
tchotchkes - pardon me? So my
elderly grandmother who
collects porcelain figures is
now qualified to get a record
contract? Look, it's fine and
even "cool" to a certain
adolescent degree to ape
supposedly "uncool" styles,
but if you do so, a) it can't
just be for humor value, and
b) it has to stand as good
music on its own. (Notable
examples: Beck and the
Geraldine Fibbers). There is
more honor and art in a good
bar band than there is in
something like Yum-Yum.


(who eats at a really good
restaurant called the Yum Yum
in Greensboro, NC)

Oh, I don't know, Chris. I
tend to like crap a hell of a
lot more if the person
producing it is wearing a
shit-eating grin. But what
doesn't go nicely with a
shit-eating grin, when you
really think about it?

You're right, though. Irony is
boring. Booorrrrring! But
it's all I've got, okay? So
back off!

Just kidding. Posturing and
pop music are tough - there's
no possibility of an
immaculate conception in the
music world, let's face it.
But in terms of songwriting,
I'll take sincerity over
irony any day. I find that
Ween is the perfect litmus
test for how much irony
people can take in their
music. I don't like Ween.

Oh, whatever.

Pop Goes The Weasel,


Fish With Letter Icon

Once again your insight rouses
me to congratulation ("Me &
My Shadow of Irony: An
American Tragedy"). I read
the article when it appeared
in Harper's, and enjoyed the
author's characterization of
the "enormous lifestyle
palace called Pierre's," but
only because my home is about
10 minutes away from said
palace. Yeah, by golly, he
caught us, fer sure.... Most
of the folks who attend any
Friday night event in Fort
Wayne, Indiana, are likely to
be puzzled and annoyed by the
sudden appearance of irony.
But I far more enjoyed your
characterization of the
author and his brilliant
friend, whose daydream of
tricking a record company
into signing an imaginary
band seems to have come true.
Battle on, Xena.

Jim Bordner, Gravity Music

It's all just fun and games,
ultimately.... Imaginary
bands, imaginary Web sites,
imaginary names. All it
points to is that most of us
need to be subjected to
several years of heavy labor.

That'll shut us up real

Just Another Whining


Fish With Letter Icon

You-Know-Who Chimes In

Subject: Department of
diminishing returns


1. Yeah, I always found the
rock-and-roll self-pity in
The Baffler the
least-interesting part.

2. That is a very funny
column. The art is wonderful

3. The Suck readership isn't
small enough - you've got to
play to the sub-subdivision
that (i) reads The Baffler,
(ii) gives a damn, and (iii)
thinks modern music either
matters or doesn't matter?

Coming next week: a brilliant
exposè of Yo-Yo Ma's greed
and arrogance in believing
that anybody would spend
their own money to listen to
him do the Bach cello pieces
twice. Or not.

Alan Kornheiser

Suck has made a name for
itself, albeit a bad one,
playing to the

Without our tendency to cater
to the sub-subdivision, you
wouldn't be such a celebrity
in Suck-reading,
letter-reading circles.



Fish With Letter Icon


Another Nutty Reference-Laden

I'll be the first one to admit
that TV could use a whole lot
of improvement.
Advertisements in particular
are just insulting and even
demeaning. But all of this
needs to be put in some
perspective.... When Animals
is exactly what I hope
to see more of on TV. Jerry
too. They're REAL,
in a way that all these
redundant, canned laughter
sitcoms just aren't....

I mean who would take Family
with those insipid
twins, over a bear-mauling?
Or some dude pounding his
brother's head in on national
TV in front of a screaming
audience (I like boxing,
too). I don't know about your
priorities brother, but count
me out!

Maybe Mr. BLUEMACH could get
together with the guy who
defended Ellen and the two of
them can delight together in
their mutual superiority
while watching Seinfeld
reruns. They can just leave
us non-progressive,
non-liberal, non-lesbian
types to our flatulence and
fat jokes.

Honestly though, I am less
offended by Jerry (although
my friend wants to kill him)
than I am by "Brothers from
Another Planet" or, really,
the entire Dubba Dubba WB

Joseph Hammerman

Ellen! Bear mauling! How wacky
of you!

But how can you possibly think
that "the WB" is more
offensive than Jerry?

Haven't you seen Significant

Yes, that's a joke. It's
already been cancelled,

Fish With Letter Icon

Another Angry Rwandan Chimes

Good day Sucksters,

I'm an avid reader of your
daily pucker and I hail from
Rwanda of all places. I'm
glad that your president came
here on Wednesday with his
sacks of money because, God
knows, we need it. His facade
of concern wouldn't have
earned him a nomination for a
Oscar in my books, though. I
think even Travolta could
have pulled off a better
skit, brought the same bags
of cash, and left with an
even better-looking chick.

Us Africans really dig Bill
because polygamy is legal,
and hey, nothing beats a good
knob polishing on a hot day -
right? I'm sure Museveni
didn't mind the paparazzi
opening the Fornigate file in
Uganda. After all, what could
be a better marketing gimmick
for AIDS awareness in the
new, capitalist Uganda?
People would decorate the
country with Life Guard
condoms if they were endorsed
by the honorable....
Democracy is hard to come by
here, but Billy dealt it out
unflinchingly. Hats off to
him for dealing with the mosh
pits in Ghana. He insists it
was concern for his well
wishers up front, but if we
look at the pictures closely,
it's clear he was ready to
pinch a loaf. Us "headhunting
savages" in Rwanda had much
to celebrate during his
two-hour visit. We decided to
spare his neck because of
those CIA, USMC, SWAT, and SS
SOBs, though. I hear they're a
force to be reckoned with.

Anyways, I can personally
guarantee that alla dem
niggaz back home is gon big
up dat cracka mofo when he
done come back. If he had
another term, the brothaz
that take time to vote would
give him mad props. Word to
your motherland.

Dan Haguma

Hey, be fair. Bill's got one
of the best facades of
concern around.

Cracka Mofos of Suck

Fish With Letter Icon

Another Chucklehead Speaks

You wouldn't be the same Huck
who played, and for all I
know still plays, saxophone
and various other instruments
in The Chuckleheads, would
you? If so, hi! I know who
you are, and you may know
vaguely who I am. I went to
college with you. I loved
your band. We once had
breakfast together at Alpha
Delt and you touched my
bellybutton. It wasn't
exactly a high point for me,
but I do remember it fondly.

If you are a different Huck
entirely, which certainly
seems likely, hi! The main
reason I thought you might be
That Other Huck is that he
was a very funny person, and
so are you. I enjoyed bundles. Thanks for
brightening up my day, even
if you never did touch my

Name Withheld To Protect The

Having your bellybutton
touched obviously was a high
point for you, since you
remember it so well, and so
fondly. However, you
apparently aren't aware of
the fact that people who
write for Suck don't have
lives, let alone skills like
playing saxophone or various
other instruments.
Furthermore, people who write
for Suck are not known to be
in bands that people "love,"
nor are they known to have
breakfast at places called
"Alpha Delt." Additionally,
people who write for Suck are
not known to touch
bellybuttons unprompted,
unless you count Carl, and we
all know Carl doesn't count.

One thing's for certain: This
other Huck of which you speak
is not, actually, nearly as
funny as he might seem to
you, who are seemingly still
in the throes of passion from
the aforementioned intimate
interlude. Keep in mind that
titillating memories such as
yours can lead to delusions
of grandeur regarding
otherwise worthless, crusty
frat boys.

Fish With Letter Icon


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