The Fish
for 9 March 1998. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff
Editor in Chief


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


[the fixin' pixie... ]
Emily Hobson
Production Manager
and Drink Taster


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor


[Ian Connelly]
Ian Connelly
Marketing Manager


[Copy Edit]
Copy Edit

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


T. Jay Fowler

Production Manager

& Ass Kicker


[yes, it's a plunger. i'll l
eave the rest up to your imagination ... ]
Erin Coull
Production Manager


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

Office Despot

Dear Dr.,

It's great to see SOMEONE
stick up for the underdog
against all of those
scheming, monolithic
Marxists. I don't think it's
too far of a stretch to think
if not for your wicked,
on-the-mark diatribe against
turgid, moldy left-wingers
and cultural contrarians,
communism - or at least some
awful kind of socialism -
would surely make its return.

Thankfully, big business -
the seen force that ably and
fairly drives the Invisible
Hand - will be able to
maintain its tenuous grip on
our economic system.

With your pinpoint wit,
you've single handedly - and
boldy! - managed to deflate
the huge (and growing)
movement of Dilbert bashing
that was gathering behind
slick, stuffed-shirt
sell-outs like Griffith and
Tomorrow. Kudos to you.

Now maybe we can go back to
unadulterated enjoyment of
comics like Dilbert (I mean
managers and co-workers
really are stupid, aren't
they?!) and Garfield (I mean
Mondays really stink, don't
they?!), instead of letting Zippy and
Beetle Bailey confuse the
comics page (what the heck
are they talking about
anyway?) with their weird
(subversive?) takes on life
in these United States of

I agree with you that all of
those eggheads just don't
know what they're talking
about - Dilbert isn't some
commie like them, but rather
he did what they'd all like
to do, make fun of the people
who read the strip and make a
mint doing it.

It's a good thing that Suck
is around to remind people
how dangerous contrarians are
(maybe you're
contra-contrarians?!) and
that people should just shut
the hell up. Accept it, all
you lefties, PC bullshit is
so stupid.

Let's take back this country
from highbrow morons like
Bill Griffith of Levittown,
New York, and get back to the
comfortable middle ground of
CEOs like Scott Adams.

I guess for some it's like
analyzing people who analyze
the comics page.

Jay Brida

Like all capitalist
underdogs, Adams lives in a
big, big house. That's so his
oppression (in this case by
the forces of PC) doesn't
drive him crazy.


Fish With Letter Icon

Subject: Blondie

If you are going to goof off
on Blondie being a comic
about class, you probably
ought to remember that
originally Dagwood was veddy,
veddy, upper-crust, and
Blondie was a gold digger.
When D married B, he was
disinherited and had to get a
(gasp, horrors!) job.

Margaret J. Campbell

I actually don't go back that
far with Blondie. But in any
case, my point still holds.
Criticizing the funny pages
for not covering class
conflict is like criticizing
the business page for not
being funny - a waste of


Fish With Letter Icon

Cartoons is as cartoons does.

If you don't like the boss,
take a hike down the street
and find a new one. Real

Those folks in Washingtoon
ought to take a trip out here
to the old SillyCone Valley
and get a glimpse of what
life is really like. It's
definitely not a Dilbert
cartoon. No, it's much

Thank God I don't live in the
center of the land of the
free and the home of those
with way too much time on
their hands.


As long as you're the one
writing the email and not the
one building the chips,
life's a blast! The man can't
bust our bandwidth!


Fish With Letter Icon

Inversion of Privacy

I don't want to seem too smug
or self-important here, but I
was an intern with Dick
Morris when the hooker story
broke (perhaps all parties
would have been better served
if Monica Lewinsky had my job
at the time?), and he did in
fact resign from the
Clinton/Gore campaign within
hours of the story hitting
the newsstands.

Normally I wouldn't care
about what was said, but I
regard Suck as the last hope
of retaining integrity in
journalism. The New York
et al. need to come
down off the pedestal and
realize that the bottom line
is that they only care about
their bottom line. As nightly
news programs look for new
ways to attract viewers
(bolstering ratings and
increasing revenues from
advertisers), having taken
away Tom Brokaw's desk as one
move, it makes you wonder if
GE CEO Jack Welsh is sitting
around plotting to replace
Brokaw with the SI '98
swimsuit models for May
sweeps in order to attract
the all-important males 18 to
35 demographic.

I look to Suck as the last
holdout from such blatant
corruption in offering facts.
You folks never let me down,
so I just wanted to let you
know that Morris was a goner,
and that President Clinton is
known around this town for
selling out his buddies when
the chips are stacked against
them (see Lani Gunier).

Thanks for a great product,
Seamus McFatso

Disregard this message I
sent, 'cause as I read
further, I found out your
point was my point and now I
feel real dumb-like. Sorry,
I'm a jack-ass.

Seamus McFatso

Not so fast, there, mister.
You write, "I was an intern
with Dick Morris when the
hooker story broke," and
think you can just walk away
without relating so much as a
single sleazy sex story?
Dish, sonny, dish....

What on earth was it like?

Ambrose Beers

Unfortunately, Dick Morris
was like John Forsyeth on
Charlie's Angels, we never
really saw the guy. He was
very stealthy, and in fact,
his scheduler was the most
crushed when the story broke
because he had no idea (you
know what they say, the
executive assistant is always
the last to know). Morris
worked out of his hotel, and
now we know exactly what he
was working on most of the
time, while the small staff
he had worked out of the
campaign HQ. Morris' wife
even flew down every weekend
from Connecticut to be with
him; she was really nice, but
I suppose she could have been
more receptive to

Other than that Morris was an
absolutely brilliant man with
absolutely no soul or moral
compass. He knew the art of
winning, and actually started
President Clinton down the
primrose path of
triangulation. Female
genitalia imagery aside, I
enjoyed working for him
because I have no soul and a
heart two sizes too small,
like the Grinch. I guess you
can say it was the ultimate
job for a cynic.

Still trying to figure out
what's so damn funny about
South Park, I remain,

Seamus McFatso

Fish With Letter Icon

That was well put, very well

Josh Toon

If I'm not mistaken, that's
exactly what Monica Lewinsky

No Moral Compass,
Ambrose Beers

Fish With Letter Icon

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