The Fish
for 23 February 1998. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff
Editor in Chief


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


[the fixin' pixie... ]
Emily Hobson
Production Manager
and Warrior Code Princess


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor


[Ian Connelly]
Ian Connelly
Marketing Manager


[Copy Edit]
Copy Edit

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


T. Jay Fowler

Production Manager

& Ass Kicker


[yes, it's a plunger. i'll l
eave the rest up to your imagination ... ]
Erin Coull
Production Manager


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

Minor Threat

Hey there.

Kenny Sahr from "School
Sucks" here. Your essay on
Israel, Saddam, and The New
York Times
was great.

Only two-and-a-half years
ago, I returned from seven
years in Israel. I lived in
the West Bank (though my
views are actually secular
and centrist) not far from
Tel Aviv and spent three
years in the IDF, in the
spokesman unit (where I first
learned about how it all

Despite all the talk about
Scuds, the Gulf War was a lot
of fun - and had many
interesting side effects.

First off, terror was down.
Palestinians didn't dare
start up during the Gulf War.

Crime was down - people were
at home.

Fewer people died, really,
that month - there were fewer
car accidents/fewer people
doing things they normally do
at night. And two people died
from Scuds - usually 10 to 20
die in a large suicide

We used to have a fun betting
pool every night - What time
will the Scuds land/if at

This threat of missiles from
Saddam is overrated in the
United States. He won't use
"NBC" as he knows that it
will force Israel to
annihilate him. Scuds are a
way for a pest to play
footsies, nothing more.

Kenny Sahr

Thanks for the unexpected
thumbs-up from the Holy Land.
While reduced crime and fewer
traffic problems are nice
side effects, they don't
really sound like "a lot of
fun." I thought the
consolation for being in a
war zone was tomorrow-we-die-
type screwing and drinking.

Yours with secular centrism,

Fish With Letter Icon

Saddam Hussein is not a nice
man, and his people are
currently reaping the results
of the devil's bargain they
(quite consciously and
deliberately - don't kid
yourself) made with him some
decades ago: Give us a
comfortable middle-class life
and don't bother us, and
we'll let you run the country
and play soldier. They have
discovered, too late, that
those who choose comfort over
freedom end up with neither,
and the only appropriate
emotion is pity.

But, if we do allow the Iraqi
regime to unilaterally
renegotiate the terms of its
cease fire, we are setting a
precedent that will probably
make the UN as meaningless as
the League of Nations. This
is surely a Bad Thing. And
Saddam Hussein is, in fact,
perfectly capable of
sponsoring all sorts of
inspired nastiness if given
the chance: Do you want to
give the Israelis a reason to
turn Baghdad into a glassy
crater? Didn't think so.

What to do? Beats me. I'd
personally feel better if all
those people hollering for
war, and regretting that we
stopped the Gulf War when we
did, had a bit more of a gut
feel for what war looks like.
George Bush was not my role
model, but he knew what a
dead man looked like after
three days in the water. And
he decided that enough was

They say that when the
Children of Israel were
fleeing from Egypt, the
angels and seraphs all sat
around the Lord watching the
events unfold. And when the
Egyptian army was drowned in
the Red Sea, they cheered.
Only to be stopped by a word
from the Lord: "Those are my
children who are drowning."

I'm rereading this letter,
and I realize it's too
pompous and not sufficiently
ironic for publication. But
I'd like you to know that
your thoughts are

Alan Kornheiser

I don't know Alan: The
American people have made
deals with the devil beyond
count. You might even say all
of American history has been
a series of deals with an
assortment of devils. And
we've never had to pay the
price at all. The Iraqis have
let Saddam and his cronies
get away with quite a bit,
but that's mostly because the
cronies have always been the
ones with the guns. In any
event, at this point the
people in Iraq have paid the
price and then some.

Pompous and insufficiently

Fish With Letter Icon

Improve Your Communication

Having spent the day in
Metropolis, where I was
exposed to a continuous
barrage of half-spoken
sentences, unmeant
well-wishes, and other verbal
garbage, your 6 February
edition was like an island of
intelligence in a sea of
misshapen thoughts.

While I can't quote the Bard,
a quote from Fidonet comes to

"Obscenity is a crutch for
illiterate bastards." Author

Lee Leachman

Oh fuck. Color me illiterate
and illegitimate.


Fish With Letter Icon

Subject: art

Just bring back Terry.

John Gregg

We're using guest artists
every other Friday - or more
often if Terry needs more
time to do his duty as
Savior, Ruler, God Almighty
of Suck.

Have Faith. Terry may be
omnipotent, but he still
needs time to swill beer and
eat tacos occasionally.

Fish With Letter Icon

Hey Sucksters.

Heard any good music lately?

That touching song with the
dialog from Titanic chokes us
up every time....

Fish With Letter Icon

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