The Fish
for 9 February 1998. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff
Editor in Chief


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


[the fixin' pixie... ]
Emily Hobson
Production Manager


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor


[Ian Connelly]
Ian Connelly
Marketing Manager


[Copy Edit]
Copy Edit

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


T. Jay Fowler

Production Manager

& Ass Kicker


[yes, it's a plunger. i'll l
eave the rest up to your imagination ... ]
Erin Coull
Production Manager


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

Past Out

Your piece on The New York
seemed almost
professional. Instead of the
regular inane babbling, I
sensed a pointed, informed
essay. You are almost

Why am I compelled to be so
pretentious and pedantic when
I write to Suck? You rock!

Bill Pringlemeir

Any credibility you sense is
probably your own baggage, as
my intention was to be just
as inane and babbling as
usual. You should maybe visit
a psychiatrist - I'm pretty
sure the sort of "hidden
messages" you are sensing in
my work are a symptom of some
sinister psychological


Fish With Letter Icon


I know I'm supposed to be
flip and witty here but I'd
rather just be boringly
sincere. Just wanted to
commend you on a well-written
and -argued piece today
(1/27). I enjoyed it very
much and am prodding my
friends to click over to to see it.

I agree with you
whole-heartedly: I would love
to have a serious newspaper
archive to search through. I
can order Nexis/Lexis
searches at my office for
work-related matters, but
would myself like to be able
to read fun stuff like old
movie or jazz reviews. It's
truly a shame that the Times
is bungling this chance to
change the nature of
information delivery.

Jim Johnson <>

Fish With Letter Icon

There is a special equation
Suck readers can take
advantage of: The more
friends you prod into viewing
Suck, the more boring and
sincere you're allowed to be
in your letters to Suck....

I focused on the Times
because it has the most to
gain from such an approach -
due to its unrivalled brand
appeal as the newspaper of
record. But plenty of other
papers could also take
advantage of the opportunity.
So make sure to blame them,


Fish With Letter Icon

As Phat as I Wanna Be

Subject: belated fatty
boombalatty rantings

apologies for response
latency to this pressing (==
sarcasm && != pun) issue,
however at first it appeared
that you provided all that
needed to be said on the
issue of big fat people. and
im a bit latent. but then of
course there were
sy/e-mpathetic outcrys for
those that, apparantly, are
merely hapless gulls to some
sort of conta-natural
coercion to eat little debbie
zebra cakes at *every* meal.
so i had to reassess my
position; could (shudder to
think...) suck be giving poor
advice? might it actually be
that my hefty brethren
deserve accolade rather than
admonishment for their
lifestyle of passive
resistance (insert ironic
Ghandi statement of your
choice here) to the New
American Dogma(tm) of
emaciation spurred on by
leggy supermodels and
pharisaical 17 year old
sirens? is it a bold
statement of the plebian that
heroin chic is wrong, and we
are not going to stand for
it, not in my subdivision?
but as it turns out, its just
lucky that naomi campbell and
her ilk were able to find
work that did not require
dry-rubbing men to
ejaculation in their Brooks
Brothers suits, and as anyone
who knows a junkie will
corroborate, heroin addicts
*are* hot. so im still right
and you are still fat. but
the problem remains, fat guys
are funny. how does one get
around that? for the same
reason amos and andy were
funny. self-mockery is always
funny, because even though
you smoke crack in your
mother's basement, you are
not *that* guy. in order to
make a vain attempt at
curtailing more garrolous
ponification, the following
will be terse: if you are fat
because food is a crutch
because ding dongs were there
for you when daddy was not,
shoot junk, and watch the
pounds fade away.


Daddy's ding-dong wasn't
there for you?

Fish With Letter Icon

Filler: Wee Creatures of the

i love filler. this week's
was hilarious.

i was surprised, however, to
find that your conception of
new media contains no
designers, art directors,
artists or programmers. that
sounds a lot like old media
to me (not that artists and
art directors are new). for
example, without the
INCREDIBLE art of terry colon
i think that suck would...
well.. suck.

artists can be animals too!

Scott Roberts <>

In the interest of avoiding
angering Terry Colon by
portraying him as, say, a
wild boar, I left out the art
types. Understand that each
and every time I offend Terry
Colon, he makes my cartoon
character's head look longer
and more rectangular, and
just generally more
end-table-like, not to
mention those boobs you could
sharpen a knife with ... We
earthworms are so very vain.
You understand.


Fish With Letter Icon

Baby Fish

I remember seeing one time a
cute baby Fish in diapers,
with the caption "fresh
fish." This was the cutest,
most adorable, heartwarming
picture I've ever seen on
Suck. I am in a mood where I
really want to see something
cute, adorable, and
heartwarming, so I was
wondering if you could use it
again sometime soon to
advertise your fish section.

Thanks, Timothy Tolle

Sorry. No can do. Better tune
into Muppet Babies for your

Fish With Letter Icon

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