The Fish
for 27 January 1998. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff
Editor in Chief


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


[the fixin' pixie... ]
Emily Hobson
Production Manager


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor


[Ian Connelly]
Ian Connelly
Marketing Manager


[Copy Edit]
Copy Edit

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


T. Jay Fowler

Production Manager

& Ass Kicker


[yes, it's a plunger. i'll l
eave the rest up to your imagination ... ]
Erin Coull
Production Manager


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

Fish Page Rage

Subject: On the Diana thing ...

Ken Johnson asked what the
big deal about the Diana
charity work was. Well Ken, I
was never a great fan of Lady
Diana, but whilst it MIGHT be
true that your mother-in-law
would do lots of charity work
if she were rich, the fact is
that most rich people don't,
and Diana did.

Now whether that was out of a
desire to out-do the royal
family that spurned her is a
moot point - however the fact
remains that she brought
attention to charities that
might otherwise have received
little, and, certainly in
Britain, she was almost
single handedly responsible
for the present campaign to
ban land mines.

Ken said how all he ever saw
was "photo-op shots of her
looking forlorn as she
strolled through a ward of
unfortunates." Well, would
you have even seen the ward
of unfortunates if not for
her? That's surely the point
- she used her fame to
attract attention to those
who needed it, and did a
fantastic amount of good,
whatever her motives.

Cynicsm is all very well, but
sometimes you miss the point,

Edward Moyse <>

Whilst we understand your
point, do you have to take it
all out on poor forlorn Ken?

Fish With Letter Icon

More Grudges

Subject: the grasping
tentacles of the corporate

How thoughtful of Mr. Kimble
to point out for us the
enormous burden placed on our
weary eyes by the sight of
banners on Suck. It really is
tragic that you Sucksters
have chosen to infringe upon
our demigod-given right to
oodles and oodles of
infinitely free Web content
as long as we both shall

And James, if it's really
such a problem for you, try
downloading a real browser,
you schmuck. Opera, for
example, lets you resize
frames to your delicate

catalyst <>

Yeah, James. So there!

Fish With Letter Icon

Trees Have Knees

After reading the news events
of the past two weeks,
specifically those regarding
celebrity ski deaths, I have
come to this conclusion: The
trees are pissed and now
they're taking it back.

I don't know why they chose
to demonstrate their
disapproval of deforestation
and the rape of nature Man
commits daily on a member of
the Kennedy family and
arguably the finest
combo in history. But I do
know that I sure as hell
won't be skiing this spring
break. At least without a
helmet. And an ax.

By the way, in the Kennedy
incident, was the tree
penalized for pass

Eddie Hoover, Suck fan,
Secretary of State in the
Carter Administration

Ba ha ha ha!

Fish With Letter Icon

Oh Canada

The Fish, tattooed on my ass?
What a great idea!

Mateo Murphy <>

Don't forget the trademark.

Fish With Letter Icon

Résumé Fodder

I appreciate your insight on
Hamill, Coffey and Lawrence,
in the "Résumé
Fodder" article.

This, I think, is a key
reason that strong leaders
must be emotionally and
behaviorally secure; secure
leaders look for and can
attract and retain the best
people that can be had, for
the work that needs to be
done and the roles that need
to be played on life's stage
- people with probity.
Probity and thoughtful
consistency yield the real
power that is required to
orchestrate and influence
others to perform their best.

Insecure and relatively weak
leaders, conversely, seem to
draw subordinates for whom
probity is an alien concept
much as feces draws flies.
This environment - as you
state, "in a time and place
in which Pete Hamill is
judged to be less worthy, as
a newspaper editor, than
Shelby Coffey," breeds a
poverty that no amount of
money can ameliorate. It has
all of the money that it can
print or finesse, but no
discernible wealth.

Albert Johnson

Hey, no kidding - and it's a
poverty we share. "Insecure
and weak leaders" aren't
really leaders, of course,
and their tenure in power
tends to result in very
little. Pretty much a recipe
for a stagnant culture.

Thanks for the email.

Ambrose Beers

Fish With Letter Icon

When the Larry Lawrence
incident first began, I
really wished people wouldn't
make such a big deal out of
it. I live in San Diego and
whenever the news talked
about Lawrence, it always
mentioned his widow, who
lives here. I felt very sorry
for her. Her husband was dead
after all, and now his
political enemies were not
only besmirching his name but
insisting on kicking his
corpse out of its resting
place of honor. The more I
learn about Larry Lawrence,
however, the more I realize
that he has no place in
Arlington and that his
presence there was an insult
to the families of those who
were buried there for the
right reasons. Lawrence was a
very successful con artist,
and it is a shame the scandal
about his fictitious military
service didn't come out when
he was alive to take the heat
for it.

Anyway, I enjoyed reading
your very well-written essay
on the subject.


It really is a shame that L.
L.'s lie wasn't caught until
he wasn't around to take the
heat for it. It does seem,
though, that the news media
left his widow alone, for the
most part, although she still
had to have suffered because
of all that happened. Still,
I didn't see anyone chasing
her down the street or
camping on her lawn - unless
I missed it, this one was a
rare and appreciated bit of

And you have to wonder: What
must it have been like to
have been married to this
guy? Eek.

Ambrose Beers

Fish With Letter Icon

Nice article. I think you've
hit upon the attraction Atlas
has for some of us
who are attracted to it; it's
less the leaving of the world
because "somehow we're
better" and more leaving it
because only the stupid
survive in this one. If
making it is a roll of the
dice, perhaps better to go
somewhere where your chances
are more closely correlated
to your abilities.

There are those who would say
that not wanting to pay taxes
is selfish. But really,
perhaps it's just the notion
that one's contributions and
one's benefits should balance
somehow. And what better way
to denote that than with this
funny little abstraction we
have ($).

Perhaps editors should just
get a cut.

Anyway, you can tell your
editor that I think you're
underpaid :-).

Brad Miller

Thanks for the email, and
glad you liked the piece.

Ideology aside, Ayn Rand has
always made me wince - very
... leaden ... writing.

But, the whole
balance is, no question, out
of whack. Although I'm not
sure where to find this
mythical "somewhere where
your chances are more closely
correlated to your abilities"
- I think we're probably
pretty much screwed on that
one. Still, withdrawing isn't
much of a solution, I'd
argue; better to beat 'em
with honest effort, the
bastards. I'm willing to
wager that it still works.

But just in case it doesn't,
you might want to drop a
check in the mail to the
Democratic National

Ambrose Beers

Fish With Letter Icon

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