The Fish
for 26 January 1998. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff
Editor in Chief


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


[the fixin' pixie... ]
Emily Hobson
Production Manager


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor


[Ian Connelly]
Ian Connelly
Marketing Manager


[Copy Edit]
Copy Edit

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


T. Jay Fowler

Production Manager

& Ass Kicker


[yes, it's a plunger. i'll l
eave the rest up to your imagination ... ]
Erin Coull
Production Manager


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

Résumé Fodder

I appreciate your insight on
Hamill, Coffey and Lawrence,
in the "Résumé
Fodder" article.

This, I think, is a key
reason that strong leaders
must be emotionally and
behaviorally secure; secure
leaders look for and can
attract and retain the best
people that can be had, for
the work that needs to be
done and the roles that need
to be played on life's stage
- people with probity.
Probity and thoughtful
consistency yield the real
power that is required to
orchestrate and influence
others to perform their best.

Insecure and relatively weak
leaders, conversely, seem to
draw subordinates for whom
probity is an alien concept
much as feces draws flies.
This environment - as you
state, "in a time and place
in which Pete Hamill is
judged to be less worthy, as
a newspaper editor, than
Shelby Coffey," breeds a
poverty that no amount of
money can ameliorate. It has
all of the money that it can
print or finesse, but no
discernible wealth.

Albert Johnson

Hey, no kidding - and it's a
poverty we share. "Insecure
and weak leaders" aren't
really leaders, of course,
and their tenure in power
tends to result in very
little. Pretty much a recipe
for a stagnant culture.

Thanks for the email.

Ambrose Beers

Fish With Letter Icon

When the Larry Lawrence
incident first began, I
really wished people wouldn't
make such a big deal out of
it. I live in San Diego and
whenever the news talked
about Lawrence, it always
mentioned his widow, who
lives here. I felt very sorry
for her. Her husband was dead
after all, and now his
political enemies were not
only besmirching his name but
insisting on kicking his
corpse out of its resting
place of honor. The more I
learn about Larry Lawrence,
however, the more I realize
that he has no place in
Arlington and that his
presence there was an insult
to the families of those who
were buried there for the
right reasons. Lawrence was a
very successful con artist,
and it is a shame the scandal
about his fictitious military
service didn't come out when
he was alive to take the heat
for it.

Anyway, I enjoyed reading
your very well-written essay
on the subject.


It really is a shame that L.
L.'s lie wasn't caught until
he wasn't around to take the
heat for it. It does seem,
though, that the news media
left his widow alone, for the
most part, although she still
had to have suffered because
of all that happened. Still,
I didn't see anyone chasing
her down the street or
camping on her lawn - unless
I missed it, this one was a
rare and appreciated bit of

And you have to wonder: What
must it have been like to
have been married to this
guy? Eek.

Ambrose Beers

Fish With Letter Icon

Nice article. I think you've
hit upon the attraction Atlas
has for some of us
who are attracted to it; it's
less the leaving of the world
because "somehow we're
better" and more leaving it
because only the stupid
survive in this one. If
making it is a roll of the
dice, perhaps better to go
somewhere where your chances
are more closely correlated
to your abilities.

There are those who would say
that not wanting to pay taxes
is selfish. But really,
perhaps it's just the notion
that one's contributions and
one's benefits should balance
somehow. And what better way
to denote that than with this
funny little abstraction we
have ($).

Perhaps editors should just
get a cut.

Anyway, you can tell your
editor that I think you're
underpaid :-).

Brad Miller

Thanks for the email, and
glad you liked the piece.

Ideology aside, Ayn Rand has
always made me wince - very
... leaden ... writing.

But, the whole
balance is, no question, out
of whack. Although I'm not
sure where to find this
mythical "somewhere where
your chances are more closely
correlated to your abilities"
- I think we're probably
pretty much screwed on that
one. Still, withdrawing isn't
much of a solution, I'd
argue; better to beat 'em
with honest effort, the
bastards. I'm willing to
wager that it still works.

But just in case it doesn't,
you might want to drop a
check in the mail to the
Democratic National

Ambrose Beers

Fish With Letter Icon
Martini Lunchtime

Today's Suck was the good
old-style, full-bore, uncut,
get-the-very-last-drop kind
of Suck I look forward to
every day. Treat yourself to
a martini this afternoon.

Erich Von Hollander

While you're clearly that
rare strain of man they dare
call "genius," we simply must
wonder: Have you noticed that
your name rhymes with

Fish With Letter Icon

More Fun with Rhymes

Subject: Biggity-bam!

Considering how much
computers do for us, it's
only appropriate to give them
credit where it's due. Here's
an "Ode to My Computer":

Humming like the wind at my
window, buzzing like a
thousand mosquitoes. With
pale green lights, and odd

A big glass wall, emitting
more light. Beeping and
buzzing all through the

On top of a pad, a soft dark
blue pad. A mistreated
animal, always getting poked
on the head.

And click, click, click,
there are the words.
Appearing as if by magic, but

Tiny little electric waves of
ones and zeros, changing so
fast, faster, and faster now.
Zooming through a copper run,
on a silicon wafer. Jumping
and crashing through
resistors and diodes alike
not caring what it runs into
only carries its number to
the appointed destination.

Boom, boom, boom, the wall
explodes into colors. 3-D on
a 2-D screen. Flatly shadowed
to look like it might've been
but a mystical way to
entertain. A tiny little man
runs to the next door,
shooting all along the way.

Prompt me again, ask me if I
want to quit this violence,
my answer will remain the

- pot-smoking computer tech

We're wiping the tears from
our eyes. Thank you. Thank
you so much.

Fish With Letter Icon

I enjoyed the article
'Ne'errative Do Well' & just
wanted to let you know....

Mr. Snid <>

Thanks, Mr. Snid! You have
excellent taste.

And you're in good company,
too. New York Times Book
editor Charles "Chip"
McGrath also seems to have
liked this article - so much
so, in fact, that he
published his own version of
it several weeks later in the
New York Times Magazine.
Entitled "Giving Saturday
Morning Some Slack," it
featured the following bit
that sounds suspiciously like
... well, you be the judge:

LeTeXan: "[D]espite all the
action and color and barf
jokes, there's a certain
special ingredient missing in
almost all contemporary
children's programming:

Le Chipster: "Children's TV
doesn't need fewer cartoons;
it needs better cartoons,
better drawn and with better
characters. It needs

Is this a sign that
mainstream tastemakers read
Suck? Or does it merely mean
that I, a Suckster and
supposed angry antinomian, am
actually nothing but a
middlebrow hack? Or are the
middlebrow hacks at the New
York Times
becoming "edgy"
and more Suck-like? Will I
ever live to see my work
published in the Times
magazine? Or has it been

For the answers to these and
other questions - stay tuned!


Fish With Letter Icon

The Stuff -- it's a list of stuff we like

Little link to Suck
Arrow Image
Contacting Us
Contributors Index
Little Barrel Link
Little Gun Link
A machine producing Suck
Link To Tech Notes