The Fish
for 6 January 1998. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Suck Staff

Joey Anuff
Joey Anuff
Editor in Chief


Terry Colon
Terry Colon
Art Director


[yes, it's a plunger. i'll leave the rest up to your imagination ... ]
Erin Coull
Production Manager


Heather Havrilesky
Heather Havrilesky
Senior Editor


[Ian Connelly]
Ian Connelly
Marketing Manager


[Copy Edit]
Copy Edit

Suck Alumni
Suck Alumni Text

Carl Steadman
Carl Steadman


Ana Marie Cox
Ana Marie Cox
Executive Editor


Sean (Duuuuude) Welch
Sean Welch


Owen Thomas
Owen Thomas
Copy Editor


T. Jay Fowler

Production Manager

& Ass Kicker


Matt Beer
Matt Beer
Development Manager

Filler: Losing Your

I just have to tell you
today's Suck was the funniest
thing I've read in at least
24 hours. It could have been
written about my
ex-boyfriend, just when I was
starting to think he wasn't
such a loser. I usually read
Cynthia Heimel at times like
this - good to know I have
Suck, too.

Adnan Bilwani

Cynthia Heimel is probably a
safer bet for laughs, but we
thank you for mentioning us
in her esteemed company.

Favorite Cynthia Heimel
Chapter Title: "Rich People:
Blow Me"

Fish With Letter Icon

Bad Mail Month Begins with

Subject: future schmuture

lazy boring i want old suck
back don't like future
predictions bad bad bad. i
count on you guys for my
daily chuckle or thought, and
you're 0 for 3 this week.

like you care what i think.

oh well.


merry xmas.

Matt Rosoff

Do we care? We care too much!
We ache to please you, Matt.
Ache. We count on you for our
daily affirmation, and you're
0 for 1 this week.

Gosh we're feeling insecure.

Fish With Letter Icon

Shirts for Skirts

Subject: T-shirt

Where is my T-shirt that I

<> -
Phatman Esq., Misogynist,
Creep, Freak, Weirdo, Beer
Drinker, Hell Raiser

I don't need no arms around me
I don't need no drugs to calm me
I have seen the writing on the wall
Don't think I need anything at all

Another Brick in the Wall,
Part 3 - 1979

You know, Phatman, you can
only pretend you don't need
the warmth and love of other
human beings for so long,
before you're forced to admit
it to yourself: You do need
others. You do need arms
around you, Phatman. It's
time for you to open up your
heart and let love in.

Furthermore, you can only
pretend you don't need drugs
to calm you for so long.
Furthermore, you can only
announce your misogyny for so
long. Furthermore, Hell
Raising is no longer in
vogue, or in Vogue for that
matter. Furthermore, quoting
Pink Floyd is highly frowned
upon in almost all circles,
including the I-Am-a-Rock,
I-Am-an-Island circles (not
to be confused with the

Fish With Letter Icon

Guinness the Buinness

What? Nothing about the
company that owns Burger King
acquiring Guinness? I suppose
the merger isn't big enough
to set any records, but one
would think you could come up
with a wry comment or two.


No kidding, Jimbo -

And now that Burger King has
reportedly introduced the
world's greatest french fries
(the Irish know a thing or
two about spuds, right?),
we're talking about a circle
jerk of universal

Now if we could just convince
Burger King to pull stout at
the drive-through (hell, it
looks just like the syrupy
shite they call Pepsi), we'd
be in business.

Thanks for your note -

E. L. Skinner

Fish With Letter Icon

It's Dumb Mail Week

Please discontinue my
subscription to Suck as my
children are finding more
ways of getting into things
than I can keep up with....

<Name Withheld>

No problem ... But, do you
have an email address we can
use to contact your kids?

Fish With Letter Icon

Here Kiddie Kiddie

Saw your volume of words and
pics in a bookshop in
Cambridge (UK, not the other
one) ... prominently
displayed ... beside a book
on Christmas carols for cats,
Victor Meldrew's Merry Xmas,
Lenny Henry's Christmas
and other such
English cultural icons. A
shock for the kiddies when
they reach for Suck and see
your spleen being vented....
Blow anyone?


Anyone? We've blown everyone.

Hey, do you have email
addresses for those kiddies
you mentioned?

Fish With Letter Icon

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